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“No, not at all, Liam, she was the crackers to your soup. You are a fine soup, sure, tasty enough, but when the crackers show up and get crumbled up in you, she got you with a different consistency, better taste, more flavorful, you can’t have one without the other.”
“I daena like soup.”
“Well, you are soup, either way. You’re smooth and creamy and with a bit of milk, a little sweet, but surly too—”
I chuckled. “Soup inna surly.”
“Shh, I’m making a comparison — you’re all those things, and... are you ready for it? You are hot, Liam. We all know that’s the most important part of soup. She is your stack of crackers.”
“She did feel like that, like I was supposed tae talk tae her every day. I daena ken how tae not talk tae her.”
Both the women appraised me.
Naisha said, “That’s it? You just want to talk to her?”
“Tis nae just it, tis everything — every day since I met her I hae wanted tae talk tae her, tae ask how she was and tae tell her about my day, and we hae been laughin’, she makes me really laugh. She is a nutjob, the verra best kind, and she has a verra difficult situation and I... I just wanted tae talk tae her.”
Posy asked, “And you never ever, you know... got busy?”
“I haena even kissed her.”
The two women laughed.
Naisha said, “This is so soup. You’re the bowl left on the table, now you’ve cooled down, you’ve gone almost inedible. The girl was sitting there with her spoon out and you got all too cold for her—”
Posy said, “She wasn’t eating the soup, she was the crackers.”
“Oh right, well anyway, you’ve been friend-zoned. She needed some romance. She doesn’t need you to talk to, she has a friend for that. She needed to be swept off her feet. She... you just need to accept it. You met her at the wrong time. There was a little flame, but it fizzled out.”
I shook my head. “I daena want it tae fizzle out.”
Posy said, “What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m going to win her back, I’m going to show her I’m hot soup.”
We all laughed.
Posy said, “There are twenty-five states between the two of you — what, are you going to move to Los Angeles? Liam Campbell is going to become a California boy? Because she doesn’t seem like the kind of girl to live here, or move to Scotland. She’s a city girl.”
“Edinburgh is a city, and I was a rugby player. I had a great deal of money. I ken how tae take someone out, I ken how tae go tae a restaurant.”
“You just wear jeans around us?”
“Aye.” I half-grinned. “I hae been down on m’luck.”
Posy said, “You met the love of your life when you were down on your luck. That’s some shit luck there, the worst. You lost her because of sheer bad timing.” She shrugged. “Oh well.”
I stared at her trying to come up with a response.
She continued, “What’s truly awful about it is she came from LA. You said she was successful, she’s had some terrible stuff happen to her, she was searching for something, else why go on a hike? And she found you. She has been talking to you every day since, and then what did you do...?”
I said, “I squandered it, by nae doin’ anything.”
Naisha said, “Aye.”
State park ranger Mike came in, fully uniformed. “Hey everyone, wondered if I would find you all here. Doing rounds, but not much going on. Not many hikers out this week.” He sat down at the bar.
Posy said, “We’re telling Liam that he let his lady friend—”
