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Nav
Heleanedhisbody back against the sand, placing his arms behind his head. He let the sun drape across his face as the wetsuit cooled him. He hadn’t told anyone why he really left Otsego all those years ago. Never felt the need. Never had the guts. But Lexie... Lexie deserved to know the truth.
He thought back to his worst moment. The moment he knew he lost everything, including the girl he loved dearly. It was a few weeks after Lexie’s twenty-first birthday. She had forgiven him for not showing up to the party after he provided some lame excuse about his family. He couldn’t even remember what he told her, but he thought she bought it. He felt bad about lying to Lexie, but knowing he was leaving Otsego, he didn’t really care. He met Lexie out at the marina, just as they had before. She approached him with an eager, bright smile, but he met her with a fake smile and waning confidence.
“Nav, it’s freezing! What are we doing out here?” she said as she reached in for a hug. Reluctantly he hugged her back, tapping her back a few times before pulling away.
“I just needed to talk to you,” he said. She stared at him until he spoke up again. “I’m leaving Otsego, Lex.”
She continued to stare. “Leaving? Where are you going?” she asked.
“I’ve enlisted in the military. I’ll be heading out on Sunday.”
She shook her head slowly. “What? Why? What about us?” she asked.
He glowered. “Well, we can still be friends,” he said.
“Friends? So you’re breaking up with me?” she asked incredulously.
“Well, we aren’t actually together, right? No labels?”
She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “Right, no labels. Because that’s what you wanted. But you and I both know, we’re so much more than friends!”
He couldn’t look at her. He knew he’d give in. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to say you’ll come back. I want you to say nothing changes between us. I want you to say this will be so hard, but worth it in the end. I want to know I’m yours, Nav. If you’re leaving, I have to know I’m yours. I know we said no labels, but if you’re leaving, I need to know this won’t change.” She motioned between the two of them as her voice cracked.
He thought for a moment before responding. He wanted to make that promise to her. He wanted to give her the world. “I--I can’t do that, Lexie. I’m leaving Otsego behind and I don’t know when–or if, I’ll be back. I can’t put a label on this if I don’t even know what tomorrow holds.”
She shook her head. “Then don’t speak to me again. Whatever this is or isn’t...doesn’t matter. I’m done fighting for my place in your life.” She waited for a response. He knew she wanted him to fight for her, for their relationship, but he couldn’t. And with that, she stomped off.
He had planned to tell her every word of the truth when he returned that summer, but instead, he found her happy with Oliver. He broke her heart and didn’t deserve a place in her life, so he let it be. He moved on, leaving the girl he loved behind in a world he was no longer welcomed.
He pulled back to reality to find Lexie shifting next to him. “Lou, I have lived with the regret of not being honest with you for years. I don’t regret leaving Otsego because I think my young, dumbass self needed to. I’m living a life I’m proud of and I just don’t know if that would have been the case if I stuck around.” He sat up and reached out for her hand. She hesitated for a moment but allowed it to slip into his. He caressed the back of it and looked at her. “I think if we both look back at the mess we were, we can sit here today and admit to ourselves that leaving was the best thing for both of us. I couldn’t be the man you needed. I couldn’t give you what you wanted,” he said.
She pulled her eyes to meet his. “Because you left, I met Oliver and I’ll never ever regret falling in love with him.”
Nav smiled. “And I would never ask you to.”
“So, you’re saying that now you’ve changed and admitted all your truths to me...you want to try again?” she asked.
“Not necessarily. But I would like another chance to be your friend again.”
