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I quickly stepped back into the house. Trent was leaning against the wall, like he was waiting on me to come back in. He sighed. “Fucking flowers,” he grumbled with a shake of his head. “You don’t even like flowers.”
I shrugged and set them on the dining room table. Mom silently grabbed them and went to go put them in a vase. “He wants to do dinner and a movie,” I told my older brother.
Trent shook his head, obviously not liking it. “Be careful, yeah? And don’t do anything you don’t want to do,” he reminded me, a stern look in his eyes.
Swallowing thickly, I nodded my head before I walked up the stairs to grab my phone and wallet. I shot Seth a quick text before I walked back outside to leave with Brayden.
I’m going out with your brother. He came to apologize. -Bailey
I shoved my phone into my pocket and stepped outside, forcing a fake smile onto my face for Brayden’s sake. Already, the smile was beginning to make my cheeks ache, but I would keep up a front.
I deserved to be miserable with him after I used him and got caught out on it.
* * *
My shoulders shookas I stared at myself in the mirror, tears streaming down my cheeks. I swallowed vomit as I applied make-up to the hickey on my neck, trying to cover the proof of what I’d done.
I’d slept with Brayden.
And now, I felt disgusting. I hadn’t wanted to sleep with him. I’d forced myself through it all, and when he’d dropped me at home the night before, I’d showered and scrubbed at my skin until it fucking hurt.
I didn’t know which was worse: using him or sleeping with him knowing I wasn’t interested and was in love with his little brother.
I resisted the urge to scream, those dark thoughts clawing at my mind again. I sobbed, my vision blurring too much for me to cover the hickey. My hands shook, and I dropped the make-up brush into the sink, not able to hold on to it.
I felt dirty and used. And it was all my fault.
I rushed over to the toilet and emptied my stomach, throwing up the toast I’d managed to eat to please Trent and my parents.
How did I always do this stupid shit to myself?
I swiped at my cheeks and rinsed my mouth out before forcing myself to get the hickey covered. I then added a hoodie with a bigger hood on it to cover the hickey in case my makeup wore off while I was at school. After, I splashed water onto my face and smacked my cheeks, trying to bring color to them.
Nausea swirled in my gut, but I didn’t know if it was from the baby or from what I had done with Brayden yesterday.
You brought this on yourself.
Kill yourself. The misery ends then.
I ripped myself from the mirror and rushed out of the bathroom, snatching my phone off the charger. I heard Jacob’s voice downstairs, and I quickly grabbed my bag from the floor, rushing down to go meet him. If I was around other people, maybe the darkness would go away for a little while.
I had to get near someone, or I might just kill myself to end this shit.
Jacob frowned when he saw me, concern instantly lighting up his eyes. “Bailey?” he asked softly. “You okay?”
“Can we go?” I croaked. “I just—”
He nodded and took my bag from me before wrapping his arm around my shoulder, tugging me against his side. “Come on,” he said softly. “Whatever is going on, it’s going to be okay,” he tried assuring me.
But it wouldn’t because I couldn’t get what I had done with Brayden out of my head, and even worse, his hickey was marring my skin.
I wanted to throw up again.
Once I was sitting inside Jacob’s car, my phone suddenly vibrated in my hand. I looked down at it to see a text from Seth.
I’ll be waiting for you by my truck, and you better come to me. -Seth
Had Trent noticed I wasn’t okay and texted Seth? I hadn’t even seen him when I’d come downstairs, but then again, I’d been so focused on Jacob, it didn’t surprise me.
Why? -Bailey
Because my girl isn’t going to fucking suffer in silence, babe. I mean it. Don’t make me have to come find you. -Seth
I sobbed. Jacob reached over and grabbed my hand in his. “Bailey, talk to me,” he begged me. I could hear the fear in his voice. He was truly afraid for me. I’d never been like this in front of him before.
I shook my head. I couldn’t open up about this, no matter how much I just wanted to let it out. This was my own shitty, dirty secret to live with.
Or die with, whichever happened first.
