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TEN
Jacob slid into the empty park beside Seth’s, and instantly, the passenger door of Jacob’s car was yanked open, and then, I was in Seth’s arms.
He cradled the back of my head, his other arm banding around me as I began to sob, my shoulders shaking. “Easy, baby. I’m here. It’s okay.”
I shook my head. Seth buried his face in my hair, his arms so tight around me that it crushed my lungs, but I didn’t care. I craved the pain he caused because it meant he was trying to hold me together. “Talk to me,” he begged me. “Tell me what to do to fix this, babe. I don’t know how to help you.”
“Everything is wrong,” I whimpered.
“That was Trent,” Jacob suddenly spoke up. I felt Seth turn his head to look at my best friend. “He said to get her home. I’ll meet you two there.”
Seth gripped the back of my thighs and lifted me up before he stepped into his truck. I moved to get off of him, but he shook his head at me, his hands clamping around my waist. “Stay,” he ordered. “If I have to witness you crying by yourself over there in my passenger seat, I’m going to lose my fucking mind.”
I sniffled and buried my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent as he smoothly backed out of the parking space and headed for the exit of school again. I clung to him as he sped down the backroads that led to my house. Trent was out front waiting for us when we got there. I instantly clammed up, my heart racing in my chest at the sight of him.
Did he know?
Seth gripped my face in his hands, forcing my eyes to his. “You tell me what you need, baby, and I’ll make sure you get it,” he told me, meaning every word. His eyes were intense as he stared down at me. “What do you need, Bailey?”
“I need to be alone,” I whimpered. “But please don’t leave me.” I wanted him with me.
He pressed a soft kiss to my lips before he slid from the truck and wrapped an arm under my ass, his other arm wrapping around my back as he strode past my brother and Jacob, heading for the house. I felt dirty. I felt disgusting. I couldn’t bear for Jacob and Trent to know what I did.
I’d slept with a man because I thought it was only right after I’d used him. I’d even been so dry that it had fucking hurt.
When Seth got me in my room, he set me on my bed and lifted my hoodie over my head. Then, his eyes zeroed in on my chest. I looked down, my bottom lip trembling. Brayden had left another mark on me, and I hadn’t realized it.
“You slept with him,” Seth said quietly, his eyes slowly lifting to meet mine. So much pain resided in the depths of his eyes, terrifying me.
My lips trembled. “Seth—” I croaked, terrified he was about to walk away from me. I reached for him, fear making my heart knock hard against my chest. I wouldn’t survive it if he walked away from me again.
He cupped my face in his hands and smoothed his lips over mine, kissing me the sweetest he ever had. “Never judging you, baby. I’m here. I’m not leaving you again.”
I clung to him, my lips opening beneath his. He laid me back on the bed and crawled over me, his hands gripping my waist as his body weight pressed me into the soft mattress. I moaned into the kiss, getting lost in him. The pain in my chest eased as his lips worked with mine.
He leaned down and pressed soft kisses to the hickey on my chest. I clung to him, silent tears sliding down my cheeks.
“Why?” he softly asked me, bracing his elbows on either side of my head so he could look down at me.
“I thought it was only right,” I croaked. A tear slid down my cheek. “I used him, so. . .”
Seth shook his head, leaning down to kiss me again. “Fuck—no, baby. You used him as a way to clear your head, not to fuck him,” he told me. I closed my eyes, more tears falling. “You didn’t owe him shit, Bailey.”
“It felt wrong to deny him,” I cried.
Seth rolled to his side and gathered me close to him. Everything I’d been feeling since I found out I was pregnant came tumbling from my lips.
“It hurts. It all hurts so much. I wish I was numb so I didn’t feel this anymore,” I confessed, my words wobbly, my voice breaking. Seth tightened his arms around me, listening as I spoke. “I hate that I’m pregnant. I can’t even love myself. How am I meant to love and take care of another human? I wanted an abortion so badly,” I told him. A sob ripped from my chest. “I hate that they’re illegal. I’m slowly killing myself, and all this darkness—” I hiccupped. “I just want to escape,” I sobbed. “I just want to die.” I finally spoke the words that revealed just how fucked up I really was.
“I’m not fucking losing you, Bailey, you hear me?” Seth growled. He gripped my chin, forcing my eyes on his. His blue eyes were blurry through my tears. “We’re not over. We never were, even if I abandoned you. You’re my entire goddamn world, and if I have to live in all that darkness with you to keep you with me, then that’s what I’ll fucking do,” he promised.
Tears were blurring my vision. I could barely make out his face. But I knew what I wanted.
I wanted Seth to fucking help me.
“I want to live for you,” I croaked. And I meant those words.
He pressed his lips to mine and rolled me onto my back again. His hands slid up my shirt before he pulled it over my head, my bra going next. He slid his hands over my upper body, his thumbs brushing over my nipples. I moaned, my breasts growing heavy, aching for more of his attention.
