AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter Seventeen
Silas
Present Day
Thursday
The conversation from the night before was still on my mind as I brushed my teeth. I’d left Teagan’s place so close to telling her how I really felt and in dire need of my car’s seat warmer. Her apartment really was freezing. I thought about inviting her to stay at my place until she left, but since I was leaving her to meet with my ex-girlfriend, that felt like a bad idea, too. As I went through my morning ministrations, I replayed the rest of the evening.
As much as we could be, Erin and I were still friendly. After dating for six years, many of those including the foregone conclusion that we’d be together forever, it was hard to not be friends, and we’d shared a long hug when she stopped by. Hugging Erin was different from hugging Teagan, and that I’d always made that comparison on some level was a reminder that I should have ended things with her sooner.
“Hey,” I said when we pulled apart. She didn’t look anything like Teagan, which was what had first drawn me to her when we met on our study abroad trip. Erin had dark blond hair, was on the short side with a beautifully round body. She had a great laugh and I’d loved her on some level. On that study abroad trip, she’d been a friend and then more when I didn’t have anyone, and then I realized I liked being with her because it was safe. I wasn’t ever risking anything. Now we stood a few feet apart but I didn’t long to be closer. “I packed up the things of yours I found,” I said finally, nodding toward the kitchen, where a box of her stuff was organized.
“Thanks,” she said. “I appreciate you keeping it all together.” She looked around the apartment. We’d never moved in together, but she’d practically lived here and I at her place. The untangling part had been harder than I imagined, especially because the person I’d normally confide in didn’t know I’d ended the relationship with Erin.
“You want something to drink?” I invited her into the small living room. The box of chocolates Teagan had left for Erin’s birthday sat on my table.
“Sure. Beer if you have it.” Erin settled on the far end of the couch, which had been her spot, and traced a finger over the box.
The bottle was cold in my hand when I handed it over, and it made me think of Teagan’s cold apartment. “Help yourself.” I probably should have told her the box was hers, but I realized with a cold clarity that Teagan got her something and I didn’t, and the words lodged in my throat. I’d make sure she took them with her.
“You and your candy,” she said, accepting the bottle. “How is Teagan?”
I knew I wouldn’t hear bitterness or vindictiveness in her voice, even though they’d never gotten along. She knew how important Teag was to me, but that didn’t stop the guilt from gnawing at me.
“She’s good. She’s taking that study abroad trip finally. She leaves in a few days.”
“Ah, c’est bon pour elle,” she said before sipping from her bottle. I did the quick translation in my head. “Good for her” could have sounded sarcastic from someone else, but I knew Erin meant it. She slid into French sometimes—it had always made me smile.
Unlike me, Erin had really wanted to be in Lyon, kept up with her French, and did a lot of business internationally. Once things were kind of resolved with Teagan, I’d had some fun, but Erin and Teagan looked at travel like the ultimate experience. For me, those five months were a trip I took once. Neither woman ever understood my ambivalence.
Erin set her beer on the table. “You’re sad she’s leaving?”
The question was so direct, I took a sip from my beer instead of answering. “I’m glad she’s finally getting to go.”
“You didn’t answer my question, but that’s okay.” She gave me a small smile and looked at her lap. “So, I wanted to tell you I started seeing someone.”
“That’s great,” I said unconvincingly. “Who?”
“We work together. You don’t know him. It’s nice to be in something new. It’s different.” She leaned forward on her knees again, tracing the writing on the top of the box. “Did you tell her yet?”
I shook my head and she nodded like she knew that answer was coming. “I don’t think I’m going to.”
“Silas. I say this with love,” she said. “Because I think part of me will always love you, but you’re being a dumbass.”
“Don’t sugarcoat anything.”
“I won’t,” she said with a cheeky grin. “You said too much of your heart was with her, that that’s why you couldn’t stay in a relationship with me. That hurt, but you were right. I deserve to be with someone who can give me their whole heart.”
“You do. I’m sorry, Er—”
She held up a hand. “I’m okay, and we did that part already. What I’m saying is, why are you denying yourself the chance to be happy?”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
She eyed the candy box and her smile saddened. “Do you realize our entire relationship, anytime I brought you candy, you only let yourself have a little at a time? I thought at first you were just being healthy or not having too much sugar at once, but it wasn’t that. You never want too much of a good thing at once.”
I didn’t have an answer, so I glanced at the box, too. “I like to savor it. Make it last.”
