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THIRTY-FIVE
Noelle
My mom gaped at me as I walk into the restaurant, hand in hand with Matthew.
The last time we spoke on the phone, I hadn’t quite told her everything, so it was clearly a shock for her to see him next to me. I hadn’t even told her that I’d started dating, let alone anything about him. But after I had held him in my arms as he cried over losing his parents, after I had finally told him how broken I was inside—I knew I needed to do this. To conquer one of the emotional roadblocks that I always had, never feeling like I was enough for my mother.
And I had him by my side.
Matthew—my good, strong, brave, and brilliant man—had absolutely no qualms about coming with me to meet my mother for dinner. That’s how I knew how serious this thing between us had gotten. And for me, the girl who hadn’t been ready for another relationship, who hadn’t been sure if she had wanted to attach those strings to herself… I found that all of those old negative whispers in my head were gone as I clung to him while we went to sit with my mother.
I realized it all with stunning clarity. What I needed to say. What I needed to express. How I felt.
I loved her, I did, and I knew she loved me, in a way that was too big to express. With everything she had done for me since I was a kid, since losing my dad, I owed her the world. But I was also tired of feeling like she was disappointed in me, or that I was throwing away my life. I had things I needed to say to her, and it just felt… right to have the man I loved by my side.
Somehow, in the short time that we’d been together, I’d come to rely on him for things like this. Because no matter how much I loved my best friends, there was nothing as soothing and comforting as Matthew holding me and telling me everything was going to be okay. Because when someone who looks at you with that much devotion tells you how amazing you are, you realize that you have to believe it.
Matthew would never lie to me. He wouldn’t dream of it.
We were at a little Mexican restaurant for dinner, and Mom was already seated with chips and salsa on the table as we sat down across from her. Matthew dropped my hand so he could pull my chair out, and then gave me a small kiss on my forehead before taking a seat next to me. My heart swelled in appreciation because these little gestures were everything to me. I looked away from my man and back to my mother, who was sitting there studying us, margarita glass in hand.
“Hi Mom,” I said, a little sheepishly. “I want you to meet Matthew.” I looked at him, and I realized it felt so good to say the words out loud to her. “He’s my boyfriend.”
“You’re dating?” she raised an eyebrow and looked between the two of us. Matthew grabbed my hand under the table, rubbing circles with his thumb. “I thought you said—”
“I know what I said, Mom, but the truth is… I didn’t want you to try to meddle with this, too.” Matthew’s encouraging nod gave me the strength to continue. “I know you love me, and I love you, but sometimes you’re just so… overbearing. And I needed to do this by myself. All of it.” My mother looked shocked, but I knew I needed to get the words out. They had been in my head for so long, and now it was finally time for something to change. “I’m going to stay working at the university, Mom. And I know it’s not what you wanted for me, not what you pictured when you looked into my future, but it’s what I really want. And I’ve really thought this through, so please don’t try to talk me out of it.”
“What about—”
“Mom. No. If we’re going to have a relationship, I don’t want you to try to run my life from behind the scenes.” I took a deep breath, thankful for Matthew’s soothing touch. “I just want you to be my mom. I want you to ask me how my day was, to let me cry when I need to, and offer advice when I ask. Okay?”
“Oh, sweetie. I was never trying to do that.” Her eyes were teary, and while I didn’t want my mom to cry, I also needed her to understand how I felt all these years. “I just wanted you to be happy, Noelle.”
“I am,” I said, not missing Matthew’s squeeze under the table. “It took me a while, but I really am now.”
“I’m glad,” Mom said, reaching out to touch my other hand, the one that rested on top of the table. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, since you were a little girl, and we lost your dad.” She wiped her eyes, and then fixed her gaze on Matthew. “Now, tell me more about this boyfriend of yours. And if I find out you’re treating her wrong, or if you hurt her…” She glared at him.
He chuckled. “I promise, Mrs. Hastings, I don’t plan on ever hurting your daughter.” He looked at me with such conviction that I felt tears prick my eyes. I squeezed his hand, this time, and I realized it felt so true, at this moment.
Like maybe I had been wrong all along, and love could persevere in this world. Like this man—this steadfast, caring man, might be the one person who could prove me wrong.
We spent the rest of the dinner with my mom asking Matthew questions, getting to know him as I had over the past few months. And when Matthew and I finally clambered back into his truck later that night, I let out a deep sigh of relief.
“Glad that’s over.”
He placed his hand on my thigh and squeezed. “Better than you thought it would be?”
I nodded. “Heaps.”
“Good. Now, let’s go home.”
“Anywhere,” I agreed, “as long as it’s with you.”
He gave me a warm smile, and I thought I could have melted in it. In this moment, and with the strength he had given me to say the words I needed to say.
That, some voice in my head said, is what love is supposed to look like.
~ ~ ~
