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“Professor Harper—”
“Matthew.”
“Matthew,” I repeated. Why did I like saying his name so much? “I just don’t want…”
“Don’t want?”
“People getting the wrong idea. Or think that something is going on when it’s not. Or that we’re—”
He shook his head. “I told you before, Noelle, you don’t have to worry about that. You’re safe with me.”
I was, wasn’t I?
I believed him. And a sense of calmness swept through my body at that conviction. Besides, I really did want him in my life—and even if I couldn’t give in to the physical attraction I felt to him, the way my eyes always found him in a room as if I could physically feel when he entered the building—maybe I could have this. Because being around him felt right in a way that none of my relationships ever had before. “You’re right.” I finally said, quietly, under my breath.
“I always am.”
I wanted to punch him in the shoulder for that comment, but instead, I just furrowed my brows and gave him a little glare. He laughed.
“You know, if you need help with any of the other aspects of your class, I’m always willing to help,” he said as I started placing stuff back in my laptop bag in preparation for heading to class. I looked up at him.
“Really?”
“Really. I like spending time with you. And if I can help make sure you do well… well that’s a reward in and of itself, isn’t it?” His usually stoic-grumpy face formed into a cocky grin.
Who was this man and what had he done with his grumpy professor self? Ever since last night at the bar, he was different with me. He had called me sweetheart and cared enough about me to almost start a fight with my ex-boyfriend. And I had been drunk enough that I hadn’t even noticed him at the bar till he had interjected between me and the guy who had groped my ass. Gross.
Yeesh. How had I gotten so drunk that I had even allowed that? I was normally never so crazy, so brazen, or bold. But alcohol had lowered my inhibitions and when my friends had gone to the bathroom, I had kind of… spaced out. And I was so grateful Matthew had been there to rescue me. Even more so indebted to him when he and Gabbi got Jake to leave without me having to talk to him. The whole experience was hazy in my mind, but I remembered him placing me on a barstool and the tears that spilled out of my eyes. How embarrassing. God.
I had to get out of there before I did or said something else as stupid as I had done yesterday, and I found myself standing up abruptly. “Well, I better get to my class,” I said, breaking the silence that had grown between us as I stared at him. Why was I always doing that? “I’ll see you later?”
Matthew’s lips tilted up into a small smile, and he nodded at me. “Sure, Noelle.”
He watched as I finished stuffing all of my belongings into my tote bag, and then offered me a hand up from the table we were sitting at. “Oh. Thank you.” I took his hand, readjusting my skirt as I stood.
“See you soon.” He grinned.
And if his smile wasn’t the best damn thing that I had seen all day.
~ ~ ~
Friends. I liked the sound of that more than I could properly express. I couldn’t help but think about all the ways this man had gone out of his way to help me. And why? I had to face the truth: he must have liked spending time with me as much as I did with him. Those little conversations in the coffee shop, randomly seeing him all over campus—it was always the best part of my day. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About him. Because… damn it, I wanted to spend more time with him. I wanted to get to know him and hear his stories; wanted to see his face light up as he talked about things he was passionate about.
I wanted to talk with him about the book I was reading and the things I liked about it as well as the things I didn’t. I wanted to share stories about the dumb things that my residents had done that day with him and have him share stories about his students with me. I wanted to feel his hand in mine, holding on tight as we walked through the cold. I wanted to know what his lips would feel like, how it would feel for him to carry me into his—
Woah, Noelle, screamed my head. Stop getting ahead of yourself. Friends. That’s it. You don’t even want to be in a relationship, remember? No dating. I remembered, but I felt like my once very solid reasons were slipping away. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe we could just have a physical relationship and not an emotional one, anyway? Nothing was stopping us from doing that. That didn’t count as falling in love, after all.
There was also this invisible line I felt like we were toeing. I was a student, and he was a professor, no matter if I wasn’t in his class or that I was also university staff, the administration would frown on it, wouldn’t they?
Except… I thought about how sincere he looked when he talked to me. There was no way Matthew Harper could ever settle for a no-strings-attached relationship. That much, I was sure.
After my class, I hurried back to the dorm and found Hazel sitting at the front desk, like a cat waiting to pounce.
“Hi,” I said, with what was the guiltiest expression ever to exist on my face, I was sure.
“I think,” Hazel started, getting up from the desk and pacing over towards me, “that it is time for us to talk, young lady.”
I scoffed. “You know I’m older than you, right?”
