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I nodded, the words tight in my throat. “My sister is eight years younger than me. The last time my family went to the zoo, I must have been… sixteen?”
“And it made you think about your parents.” Noelle’s voice was wobbly. “Matthew, I’m so sorry if I made you sad going there. If, because of me—”
“I wasn’t sad,” I assured her, brushing my thumb over my cheek. “I just miss them sometimes.”
She leaned into my touch. “I always wonder what my dad would think of me if he was still here. If he would be proud of me.” Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears, and I wanted to comfort her, but I stayed still.
“Oh, Noelle,” I whispered. “He would be so proud of you. I know he would. How could he not, with how bright and strong you are?” Did she not know how impressive she was? God, even the way she lit up a room… “You’re just… sunshine, Noelle.”
“Matthew,” she breathed, and God, when she said my name like that… My heart stopped for a beat every time. She must have noticed because she stilled. “What?”
“I just… I like it when you call me Matthew.”
“Well, that’s your name, isn’t it, dummy?” She crinkled her nose, and I loved that look on her. “I thought you said we were friends now. That’s what friends do, right? Call each other by their first names? Or do you prefer Professor? Sir?” Shesmirked mischievously.
You’re a brat, I wanted to say.
“We are.” I nodded instead. How could we not be, after we had started opening up and sharing our pasts? “We’re friends, Noelle.”
“Yeah,” she smiled, eyes looking at our combined hands in between the two of us. “I guess we are.” Our fingers were interlocked, and her small hand felt perfect in mine. It wasn’t the first time I had come to that conclusion. “I’m glad we’re friends, Matthew.”
“Me too, Noelle,” I murmured under my breath.
Her eyes dropped down to my lips as we stood there, just staring at each other, faces mere inches apart. Either one of us could have leaned in, just an inch, and our lips would have connected. That was how easy it was to kiss her—and I wanted to. So badly. But instead, I just looked at her, breathing as steadily as I could as I tried to ignore the idea of how her lips would feel against mine. What she would taste like.
The lights twinkled on the street; strands of white lights wrapped around the trees. I was looking at her, face lit from the warm glow and the moonlight, and I couldn’t help but think about how beautiful she was. And the way she was looking at me…
We said we were friends, but she was looking at me like I was so much more. Maybe friendship wasn’t all that there was between us anymore. With all we had shared, the time we had spent together—maybe I didn’t want just friendship with Noelle. Not anymore. But did she? Whatever the case was, my eyes darted down to her lips, and then back up to her eyes. Even with her full hips and curves, she seemed so much shorter than me, her head landing at the top of my chest, and I tilted my head down towards her as Noelle brought her chin up to mine.
“Matthew,” Noelle whispered as she continued to stare at me, her palms reaching up and landing flat against my chest. “What are you thinking about?”
“I’m thinking that I really want to kiss you right now,” I breathed, as my hand wrapped around the back of her neck and the other wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer.
“So why don’t you?” Noelle tipped her head up and stood on her toes.
“Because I…” I swallowed. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.” And there’s a voice in my head screaming that this is wrong, even if it feels so right.
“You’re not,” she breathed against my lips. “Kiss me, please?”
And I could never deny her. I closed the distance between us as my lips found hers. It was our first kiss—just a soft, chaste thing—but somehow it felt like I had been waiting my entire life for this. For her. Nothing more than a peck, which immediately made me want more. I placed another kiss at the edge of her mouth, and then my hands were cupping her face as I kissed her harder, with fervor and adoration and—
And then she was so soft and pliant in my arms, and I felt her sigh into my mouth as she opened herself up to me: my tongue swiping into her mouth, tasting the chocolate cheesecake she had after dinner, and I was lost in our kiss.
When Noelle pulled away, her cheeks were pink and she was a little breathless—we both were. I pulled her in closer to me, and I rested my head on top of hers, relishing how perfectly her head fit under my chin. I closed my eyes, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair—like vanilla—and then she sighed, wrapping her arms around me.
“Matthew—” she started, her voice a bit higher than normal, which made me frown and pull away.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
She just shook her head and tugged at the lapels of my jacket to bring my lips down to hers. My arms curled around her back, pulling her in tighter, every inch of our bodies connecting, and it was everything—everything.
And I knew then. I was obsessed with her and every bit of her being, and it was all I could do to hold myself back. No matter how much I felt this spark between us.
Because I wasn’t going to rush it. I wasn’t going to let myself ruin this.
I couldn’t risk losing her.
