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NINETEEN
Noelle
A thought that slipped into my mind as I showered and readied myself for the day—a day that would be filled with editing and assignments and most definitely not thoughts of the way Matthew had taken me two days ago on his desk. Or the way he had called me last night just to ask me questions about myself. Because he wanted to get to know me. Because he cared about me.
All I could think of was how I wanted was to crawl over there again and ask for a repeat. And God, I couldn’t help it if I touched myself as I thought about him if my thumb ghosted over my clit as I imagined it was him touching me, washing me in the shower… caring about me. Fuck.
I was in a haze all throughout the morning, and I tried to distract myself by cleaning up my room and doing things I had put off so that I wouldn’t think about Matthew.
But try as I might, my distractions only worked so well when my phone pinged with a text, and I saw his name light up the screen. My heart jumped.
Matthew: Want to get coffee later?
Me: Sure. 2:00?
Matthew: My class gets out around then, so that’ll be perfect.
Me: Meet you at our usual table? I have my class at 4 so I’ll be free until then.
Matthew: Perfect.
I couldn’t help but smile for the rest of the afternoon.
~ ~ ~
God, I thought, staring at Matthew as he sat across from me, at our usual table. It was weird to think that I could even say that since we had been toeing around the lines of an actual relationship for so long, but this, coming to the coffee shop—this felt like one of our routines at this point. But today felt different, somehow, and I think it was because he asked me to come. What the hell did I get myself into with you?
His eyes caught mine as I ignored the plate in front of me—a chocolate muffin that he had plopped in front of me as he sat down at the table. Normally, I would have scarfed it down in two minutes flat, but I hadn’t been able to stop sneaking peeks at him. Still, even as our eyes connected, and our gazes held, I felt my cheeks flush under his stare.
When was the last time a guy made me feel like this? Like there were butterflies in my stomach? He had fucked me on his desk two days before—hottest sex that I had ever had, no question about that. And I hadn’t even asked what this meant for us—even after he had helped me, after dinner, after sex. I was scared about letting myself want more from him than he’d be willing to give me. Was it just casual for him? Did he want to see me again… like that? But no matter my apprehension, I was still filled with absolute want for the man.
A throat being cleared interrupted my train of lust-ridden thoughts, and I turned to find Lucas standing there, Hazel clutching an armful of books and standing next to him. I tried to clear away the rest of my less-than-pure thoughts, and I turned my attention to him. “Hi, Lucas. Hi Haze.” I smiled. “You both know Professor Harper,” I said, waving at Matthew, who almost had a scowl on his face. I thought I’d tease him about it later.
They nodded toward him and said hello, and then Lucas turned back to me.
“Hey. Noelle.” He smiled casually like he was working up to something. “Are you going to the hall directors' event after the break?”
Oh shit. With everything going on, I had forgotten about it. I nodded to him. But still. “Yes, I told them I’d be going.”
“Do you have a date?” Lucas asked me, and I knew Matthew’s scowl deepened without even looking at him.
“Um… no?” I shook my head. “Besides, aren’t the two of you…?” I looked between Hazel and Lucas. Hazel looked bashful like she didn’t want to admit how much time they had been spending together this semester. I realized how terrible of a friend I had been because I had barely asked Hazel about him with everything going on with Matthew. I resolved to talk to her about him more.
“Not me.” He shook his head. Hazel mouthed I’m sorry from behind his shoulder. “My friend—he’s the Hall Director for Pine Hall—he thinks you’re really cute and he asked me if I’d see if you’d go with him.” He flashed a brilliantly white smile, and I felt bad for him—I did. But I had absolutely no eyes for anyone but the man sitting across from me. Matthew, who was currently glaring daggers at Lucas, who seemed blissfully unaware of it.
Was he even paying attention to Matthew? He didn’t know about us, but Matthew was right there. Sure, we weren’t trying to publicize the relationship, but it wasn’t like we were doing the best at hiding it, either. I knew there could be consequences if people found out about our romantic involvement, but we had been getting coffee together all semester. As friends.
Either way… “Oh,” I said simply. “Lucas, I appreciate the offer, but I think I’m just going to go alone.” My eyes caught Matthew’s, and I knew he was biting his tongue not to say something. Hazel just remained silent standing there, watching the interaction, looking between Lucas and me.
Lucas frowned. “You’re really not interested?”
I angled my body towards him, trying to avoid Matthew’s stare. “I’m sorry, Lucas. I’m just… I’m not interested.”
“Noelle—He’s a great guy, and I think you should give him a chance.” Lucas sounded aggravated, and I gritted my teeth.
“She said no,” Matthew growled before I could say anything. Hazel looked between the two of us and frowned, and I knew then that she figured out going on—even if I hadn’t told her that we had slept together, she had pieced together a lot of the rest. But Lucas didn’t know that.
“I’m sorry.” I looked back at him. “I’m just not in a place in my life right now where I’m looking for that. I hope he understands.” When I looked back towards Hazel, she was watching Matthew watch the two of us. Fuck.
