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Had she noticed the way Matthew looked at me? Like I was his, and he would destroy anyone who tried to take me from him? I hoped not. “Hazel, is everything all set for movie night tonight?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
Hazel nodded and her tight brown curls bounced with the movement. “I even got us a new movie. I tried for 13 Going on Thirty, but I was sadly outvoted by the RAs.”
I chuckled. “Hazel, we have already watched that one. Twice.”
She grumbled. “Well, it’s one of my favorites.” And then she locked eyes with Lucas, who had up until that point, still been frowning at me. “Anyway, Lucas,” she started, “your friend doesn’t need a date either. Just because we’re going together—”
Matthew raised an eyebrow at me, and I just shrugged.
“Okay,” he began, his deep voice smoothing over my nerves. “Now that that’s settled, we’re having coffee. So can we help you two with anything else?”
I couldn’t help the small shiver slide down my spine just at his voice like that. All bossy, like he was in control. Oh, God.
“No—” Lucas started, and Hazel cut him off.
“We were just going, anyways. Have a movie to catch! Bye Noelle! Bye, Professor Harper!” She tugged on Lucas’s arm and pulled him towards the door, and I watched them as they disappeared out of sight.
“No dates,” Matthew growled at me once they were out of earshot. His hand slipped over my knee, and I could feel the possessive touch under the table—but I didn’t mind. Not when it was him: this grumpy enigma of a man, this guy who showed me so much care and warmth even when he was short and cold with others. I had to admit, I kind of liked it that way. Liked knowing that I was the only one who he was fully himself with. I layered my handon top of his, returning the gesture.
“Only with you?” I teased.
“God, Noelle. I don’t know what I’d do if I saw you with another man.”
I intertwined our fingers under the table. “You heard me, Matthew. I’m not going to date. I promise.” Anyone else, that is. I only have eyes for you, I wanted to say. He grunted, and I shook my head fondly.
“Back to what I was saying…” I changed the subject. And then I froze, because what was I saying before? Oh. That’s right. Absolutely nothing, because I was too busy eye-fucking my friend slash professor slash hookup slash maybe more in the middle of this campus coffee shop. He raised an eyebrow when I didn’t continue again, and I promptly took a bite of my muffin.
There. At least now I wouldn’t have to talk with my mouth full.
“Listen,” he started, still a little grumpy. “I just…”
I tilted my head at him, wondering what he was going to tell me. “Yeah?”
“You know I’ll go with you to any events you want, right? Even if I hate those kinds of events.” I nodded because I guess I did. I had witnessed him at the last one, all grumpy till he had come over to me. “I’d go anywhere if it was with you.”
“I do want you to come with me.” Always.
“As a date?” He asked, and I nodded.
“Noelle—”
I bit my lip. “But I don’t know if it’s a good idea right now.”
He frowned.
We still hadn’t labeled it, us, and even if I implied to Lucas that I wasn’t wanting to date… Was that the truth? I had sex with Matthew and almost ended up having phone sex with him, asking him what he would do to me if I was at his house. I wanted to hear him dirty talking to me because just that little bit on the phone had me endlessly frustrated. I wanted a second round. But was I ready for something more? I didn’t know. Because being something more meant you had something you could lose.
I took a deep breath, but he started again before I could get a word out. “Noelle. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do, but I do want you to know how much I care about you, okay? Don’t ever doubt that.”
“I want to do everything with you, Matthew. I really do.” I reached out my hand and placed it over his across the table. “I just—I need time to get used to everything, okay? But just because I’m not saying yes doesn’t mean no. I just don’t know if I’m ready to tell the whole world yet.”
“I understand.” And I knew he really did.
“It’s just that if we go together to a university event, everyone will know we’re dating, and if anything happens…” Everyone will know. Or worse, we start a scandal, and your future here is at jeopardy. I couldn’t do that to him, I just couldn’t.
“It’s okay, Noelle,” he said, reassuring me. “You tell me when you’re ready, and I’ll be here.”
“No take-backs,” I said, pointing at him.
