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His words stumble as his voice cracks and their meaning dawn on me.
“Oh hell no.” I shake my head and fight to free myself from his grip.
“Then why?”
“I need to breathe. I needed to stop hurting.”
My hands curl into fists and I use them to beat him. He doesn’t fend me off and he doesn’t let go. He just stands there. Taking it.
“You fucking bastard. You lied to me! I’m not your two-bit piece of arse to keep you warm while your wife is away.”
I continue hitting him until I’m so out of breath I fall against him sobbing.
Without a word, Jay lifts me into his arms and walks. I no longer have the strength to argue and only see we’re at his home when he carries me up the steps and indoors. He doesn’t let me go until we’re in his bathroom and in the shower.
But instead of seducing me beneath the warm water, Jay’s demeanor is one of servitude as he rinses off the sand and washes my hair. When he’s done, he wraps me in a towel and sits me down on his bed. He is naked, having dropped his shorts in the bathroom. He disappears into the bathroom, retuning dressed in a dry pair of undies and holding another towel. I watch. Numbed and awed. He drapes the towel over my head and dries my hair.
Once he’s satisfied most of the water has been drained from my knotted locks, he disappears back into the bathroom, this time returning with my comb and detangling spray. Sitting behind me, he combs my hair.
No man has ever done this for me. With every stroke a piece of my heart is glued back to its original spot.
“I can’t undo the hurt I have caused you, but if you could just listen, allow me to explain, I would appreciate it. After that, whatever you decide, I promise to respect it.” His tone is soft and level.
I nod. And he turns me so we are facing one another.
“You were never and nor will you ever be my two bit piece of arse. And if I ever hear you refer to yourself in that way again, I will pull you over my knee and spank you.”
I nod.
“I was married. Yes. But I’ve been trying to get Cheryl to sign the papers for the last three years.”
I nod. His Adam’s apple bobs.
“I should have told you. There is no excuse for me never finding the right time.”
He takes my hands in his.
I fight back the urge to wrap my arms around him. “And now?”
“That night. The one when she was waiting here, I drove us to Brisbane…”
Jay tells me the story and as I digest the words, I want to scream at him. To scream at myself.
“So, you’re divorced now?” A feeling of utter relief, joy even, displaces the hurt, but not my anger or my fear.
“Yes.”
“Is there anything else I need to know about you?”
He shakes his head.
“I hate you!” I say, my voice sharp. His face pales further.
“I hated you,” I say a little softer. “You lied to me.”
“I know.” He nods.
“You broke me.”
