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“Her happiness was more important. It was a present I got once. I…” Am I really going to tell her? I don’t know how the words sound. I’ve never said them. Georgiou was the one who explained what happened to anyone who mattered to me. This would be the first time I’ve talked about it.
“Back in high school I met this girl. She gave me the egg because it was something I didn’t have. My family was always rich and I never wanted for anything. But I didn’t have a golden egg,” I explain and find myself smiling at the memory. that’s it though. that’s all I can smile at. I can see from the look in Lilly’s eyes that she might know where I’m going with this conversation. So while she gives me a little smile I can see her cautiousness. “She had some trouble that I couldn’t save her from and she killed herself.”
“Oh Christian,” Lilly gasps. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s… okay. When I saw the egg it just stirred memories. I always blame myself for not being able to save her.”
“It’s… not your fault,” she says. Many have said those words to me, and I’ve continued to cast blame on myself. Hearing it from her though is different.
She comes closer and reaches up and touches my face. Her warm fingers on my skin and that compassion in her angelic face feels like redemption. Maybe it could be. Maybe this thing between us doesn’t have to end.
“It’s not your fault,” she says again and I allow myself to believe her, because it wasn’t my fault.
That’s the first time I’ve ever accepted that.
Chapter Thirty-One
Lilly
Tonight was my first night back in the crystal ball and it was the first night that I danced and I felt like I was giving a performance.
It didn’t escape me that tonight I was dressed in a strapless A line gown that wasn’t see through and I wore panties underneath instead of the binding Tatiana was supposed to wrap me in.
She said Christian wanted me in this tonight and showed me my new wardrobe. The note she handed me from him said; ‘nobody gets to see that body of yours but me.’
I figured as much when I read it. Because I was wearing something similar to what I’m used to it really did take me back to performances of the past.
I wanted to see him straight after and because I didn’t need to change I thought I’d go see him in his lounge and catch him there before he came down to the dressing rooms to meet me.
Foolishly I smiled and walked with a bounce in my step. My steps however slowed when I looked across and saw him talking to that woman from weeks ago, Megan.
I stop in my tracks and watch them from across the way.
She’s topless again and she has her hands on his chest. I’m too far away to hear what she’s saying to him but I can guess. There are only a few things a topless woman can say to a man, add the fact that I heard what she said to him a few weeks back and it’s difficult that she wants sex.
He was with her before. She made it sound that way when I last heard them.
Back then he told her some other time. what is he saying now?
When he smiles something in me breaks and reality peeks it’s ugly head.
I am too far away to hear what they’re saying but that’s Christian Giordano, the last bachelor left at the Dark Odyssey. Eligible and sexy as hell. Desired and highly wanted by every woman who looks at him.
What did I say to Louise when she told me every woman was after him? I said it wouldn’t be a problem.
Look at me now.
He’s smiling and the woman walked away. There’s every chance he did say maybe some other time and why wouldn’t he?
He’s not in a relationship. Definitely not in a relationship with me.
This no strings arrangement will end soon and like he said we’ll walk away and it would be like we never happened. because he’s not mine.
He never was.
I don’t know what I was thinking. The lines of what we were and weren’t blended into one and I couldn’t see for shit when it came to reality because I allowed myself to fall for him.
I make my way downstairs to the dressing room and ten minutes later he comes to get me.
