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And strangely, with the nausea too. It kept it at bay enough that I didn’t retch and gag for a time.
That was how Sadie found me.
“Oh, honey,” she said and sank onto the floor next to me. “It’s going to be okay.”
“How?” I asked, and fresh tears squeezed out of my eyes, rolling over my cheeks. “I don’t see how it will be okay. I can’t do this. I don’t know how. I’m barely managing to keep the company alive and my mom afloat and now this ... I don’t know how to do it, Sades.”
“Come on,” Sadie said and got up. She took my hand and pulled me up, walking me to the kitchen. I perched on a stool while she made ginger tea for me and a mug of chamomile tea for herself.
When we had warm cups in our hands, she led me to the living room, and we sat on the couch.
“You have to tell him,” Sadie said.
I sipped the ginger tea tentatively and shook my head.
“I can’t.”
“He deserves to know.”
“He’ll think I trapped him, that I did it to have a foot in the door, to always be able to get money from him. He thinks I’m using him just like his ex. He thinks ...” I started crying again.
“He was wrong to tell you that you used him,” Sadie said. After Parker had dumped me, I’d gone straight to her apartment and cried on her shoulder about the breakup, about how Parker had seen me as the enemy when I’d thought we were okay.
“Was he?” I asked dully. “I mean, Ididgo back to him. For the money.”
“And you fell in love with him. It’s not like you pretended to love him so he could pay you.”
I shook my head. Sadie was right—it had never been like that. The love part had come after it all. Or before ... considering that I’d called it off because we’d slept together in the first place. The timeline Parker had accused me of had been all wrong.
I’d been attracted to him, crazy about him, and sure that it was all going to blow up in my facebecauseof it. And that's why I’d called it off to begin with.
The tea helped a little, but I couldn’t finish more than half of it. I put the cup down on the coffee table and sat back again. I covered my face with my hands and let out a shuddering breath.
“I can’t do this,” I said again. “I can’t tell him. I’ll have to figure it out alone.”
“Is that really what you want?”
“I don’t think what Iwantmatters as much as what’s right. I have to push through. I have to make this work. I have a company that needs me on board, fully invested, and I have a baby who needs my care. But women have done it before, right? Women have done this alone?”
Sadie nodded slowly. “Yeah ... I guess they have. I still don’t think you should—”
“I can do this,” I said. “Even if it has to be alone.”
Sadie sighed. “Once you put your mind to something, you usually make it happen. So, if this is what you choose to do, I know you’ll figure it out.”
I smiled at my best friend. “Thank you for always believing in me.”
“You’re a machine, Em. You can do things no one else even dreams of just because you won’t give up. But think about talking to him, okay? Justthinkabout it.”
I nodded. I would think about it one more time. But I could figure it out alone if I had to. I had eight months, roughly, to take put a system in place that would allow me to be a single mother and a business owner. In eight months, I could do a lot if I planned it right.
And then, I could have a baby with me in the office. As long as I found a sitter for client pitches and meetings, I could have him or her with me in the office.
Maybe I could set aside a bit of cash for another employee. Even if it was just an intern to start off with.
“I got an email today, asking about my availability,” I said to Sadie. “I don’t have a lot of time, but if Parker doesn’t want me to do his place anymore, I can squeeze them in. And if I can pull it off, I can see if I can find another. If I can grow enough in the next eight months, I might be able to do this.”
Sadie nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay. Working yourself to death on overtime, barely sleeping, and dealing with pregnancy symptoms might be tough, but in theory, it sounds like something you can do.”
