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I blinked at Ryan. “Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”
Ryan laughed and nudged my shoulder. “Turns out we all have to grow up sometime. We’re supposed to be twins, so how did you become so much more mature than me?”
“That’s okay, I’ll forgive the fact that you’re a late bloomer. I mean, you’re younger than me.”
“Two minutes!” Ryan cried out, and we laughed.
When he left, I felt better. At least, I had Ryan back. Everything else was still a mess but as long as I had my brother, maybe I could figure it out.
All I needed now was to get into something comfortable, get a bucket to put next to the bed, and sleep off this incessant nausea.
In the middle of the night, I woke up with a roiling feeling in my stomach. The nausea was back. It was so bad that I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and went to sit in the bathroom, my head in the toilet. I retched and gagged, but I had nothing in my stomach to throw up. My body was just going through the motions.
It was so early in the game, and I was already this sick—was it going to be like this the whole pregnancy?
Panic threatened to choke me. I had to go to the office again in the morning. I had to be okay so that I could do my job. If I didn’t, my company would slowly crumble until there was nothing left. And it wasn’t just myself I was looking after.
Or my mom.
Now, I had a baby on the way too.
Tears squeezed out of my eyes when my stomach twisted, and I gagged again as I rested my head on my arm and cried.
Parker thought I’d used him. He didn’t want me anymore. I hadn’t even had a chance to tell him about the baby, and now I couldn’t. My mom wasn’t in a position to help me—she needed me, not the other way around. And my dad ... God, he would be so disappointed in me.
It was easier to leave him in the dark with him being so far away.
I tried to pretend that it was a good thing. A silver lining in this wild storm.
But no, there was no silver lining. I was alone, pregnant, and with way too many lives to be responsible for.
And Ryan. Oh, God. He would be so angry with me. We'd just smoothed things over and I hadn't wanted to rock the boat even more by telling him I'm carrying Parker's baby. Maybe I should have told him when I had the chance because now it would be so much worse.
The panic intensified. My breaths came in shallow gasps, and I grew light-headed.
I grabbed my phone and stared at the screen that blurred through my tears. Whom could I call?
Finally, I dialed Sadie’s number.
“I need you,” I cried when she answered.
“What’s wrong?” She sounded hoarse and her words were slurred from sleep.
“I can’t do this. I can’t do any of it! Ryan is going to kill me. My mom is going to end up on the street, and my business—”
“Calm down,” Sadie said, more awake now. “Deep breaths, okay? You’re hyperventilating.”
I tried to do what she ordered, but it was hard.
“In through your nose, far as you can go. Hold it, three counts—one, two, three. Good, now out. And again.”
She talked me through it until I stopped feeling like I was going to pass out.
“I’m on my way,” Sadie said.
“I’m sorry,” I cried.
“Don’t be.” She ended the call, and I leaned back against the wall next to the toilet for a moment before forcing myself up, towards my front door. I wanted to unlock it for Sadie before I was hit with another wave of nausea. I returned to my spot by the toilet, tipped my head back, and closed my eyes. I focused again on my breathing. In through my nose, hold for three counts, out through my mouth. It helped with the panic.
