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“A little, yes.”
Five minutes later we’re on my balcony, sitting on the rattan couch I bought right after Devin moved in. I’m wrapped in a soft fuzzy blanket, cradling the wine to my chest, legs drawn up, knees resting over the top of Ben’s legs.
“I’m giving you the whole, ugly truth here. But I am purposely sugar coating it because I don’t like the way my past tastes.”
Ben moves a hand to my knee, giving it a soft squeeze that saysI’m here.
“My parents used to have a lot of social gatherings at our house. Most of the time I’d stay in my room, keep to myself, mainly because Daddy would tell me that they were discussing important business deals. There were so many men, in and out of our home, which is how I ended up becoming a victim.” I clear my throat, deciding I won’t go into that right now. Ben turns in the seat to face me, leans his head on his fist.
“When I was ten, my mother was shot and killed while Daddy was closing on a business deal in town. It was late at night, at least for me. And I think I’d heard noises coming from their bedroom because I’d tiptoed in there. And … long story short, I saw her … witnessed the whole thing.”
I feel Ben tense up. “Jesus.”
“I ran and hid in one of the hallway closets and I think I blacked out or something because when I came to Daddy was pulling me out of the closet, thanking god I was okay. Afterwards, I was in the bedroom, saw all the blood, and …” I pull in a deep breath, and Ben wraps an arm around me, pulling me close.
“Christ, Tove. That’s the most fucked up story I’ve ever heard.”
“It’s not more fucked up than what you’ve been through.”
He hugs me tighter and a flutter of warmth envelops me. “I wasn’t forced to bear witness to my son’s death. That would have ended me for sure.”
“I’m sure your imagination has filled in the blanks, though.”
When Ben lets out a sad sigh I feel bad for bringing it up. “Yeah, it has. Every damn day. Makes it hard, no doubt.”
We sit there for a few minutes, Ben’s arms wrapped around me. I take a few sips of wine, feeling the alcohol loosen me up a little more.
“So this Peter guy who was killed. He was a family friend?”
“More of a friend of my mom’s. My dad tried keeping the details from me but I used to sneak into his office and listen to his conversations. Most of the time I had no idea what he was talking about, being so young and naïve. But I do remember him talking to one of the cops who was investigating Mom’s death. And I threw a temper tantrum. I was still dealing with what all those men had done to me and I’m sure I was scared. So, Daddy told me that my mother was planning to send me away to live with some very bad men and they had some kind of altercation. And that since she was no longer alive nothing bad could happen.”
“Wait. So your mom …?”
I nod. “Yes. My mom was involved with all these traffickers, had planned to make me one of their victims. I went to the police when I was older, talked to one of the investigating officers myself and he’s the one who told me about King and what he does, said they were looking for him as the prime suspect. It kills me that I don’t remember what the killer looked like. If it was King or someone else, I don’t know. I don’t remember a thing.”
“Yeah, that’s messed up. I can’t imagine going through that, Tove. No wonder you want him dead.”
“I want more than that. I want him to suffer a long, painful death. All the children he’s responsible for hurting.”
“And killing your mother.”
“Yeah. And that’s the one thing that’s got me twisted up inside. I’ll start to get mad about that. But if King hadn’t killed her, I might be …” I start to sayfloating down the Colorado River like your sonbut I immediately stop myself. “Well, I’d have met my own untimely demise.”
“Sounds like it.”
I shudder but I have to admit that getting all this off my chest with someone other than Rigger feels cathartic. I don’t know why it’s easier to spill my guts to Ben than it was with Devin. Maybe because he understands, having lost so much himself.
“Oh, and the latest development on top of all this … I just found out over the weekend that I have a half brother or sister out there.”
I feel Ben’s head turn in my direction. “Come again?”
“Totally random, this private investigator shows up here a few weeks ago when my ex was still living here. Long story short, I’ve got more family out there. He won’t give me any information. All I have is a phone number to call when I’m ready to meet them.”
Ben shakes his head, sits quietly with me. “You’ve been through hell it sounds like. Have you called the number?”
“No. I want to talk to my daddy first. Give him a chance to tell me if he knows anything.”
“Wasn’t he here earlier?”
