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“Well, yeah, but he was gone all weekend, then he just showed up right before you got here. I didn’t want to bring it up then.”
“Hmm. I don’t think I would have been able to keep my mouth shut on that one. You’re a stronger person than me.”
“I’ve been telling myself that it’s Mom, that she’s the one who had another kid and my dad knows nothing about it. That’s the only reason I haven’t exploded on him.”
“True.”
Ben and I sit outside for another hour, slowly sipping, chatting about our childhood, the fun parts. It’s the most normal I’ve felt in a long time. But even normal things must come to an end.
“It has to be getting late. I should take off, let you get some sleep.”
My heart drops. It’s hard to admit but I don’t want him to leave. I set down my glass, wine still floating in the bottom, and straddle his lap. He lifts a brow, smirks playfully. I slide my fingers in his thick, dark hair and feel his fingers hook at my lower back.
“What’s this? You going to hold me hostage?”
“I’m thinking about it.”
He angles his head at me, dark eyes brooding with intent as they catch the light of the moon. “And what will you do if I start screaming for help?”
“Somehow you don’t strike me as the screaming type.”
“You’re dead-on about that, Ms. Nilssen. If anything you’ll be doing the screaming.”
I lower my face to his and what I think will be a sweet, toe-tingling kiss fast becomes a wet and wild makeout session that finds his hands cupping my ass and me moving my hips, rubbing against his erection with a need I’ve never known.
His breathing matches mine—hard, fast, reckless, needy. And I find myself on the verge of releasing all this pent-up fury, right here in my leggings.
Doesn’t happen, though. And it doesn’t happen because Ben grips my hair and tugs gently, breaking our kiss. He clears his throat, looks at my neck, lets out a long breath.
“I’m not staying the night, Tove.”
I lean back, rub my lips together, all puffy and raw. “Okay. Why not?” I’m surprised, and a little disappointed. I wasn’t expecting to be ready to let him stay and now he doesn’t want to?
He cups my face, brushes some of my hair away. “Why? Because … timing. You deserve more than a quick fuck the first time you have sex with a guy.”
“It doesn’t have to be quick.”
He blows out a laugh. “Oh, but it will be, the way I’m feeling right now.”
I lift a brow, move my gaze over his face, wondering if he’s just feeding me a line of bullshit because he doesn’t want to get involved with a mess like me.
“All right. I respect your morals.”
He lets out another soft laugh. “Come here.” And then he pulls me in for another kiss, this one without tongue. Just a pressing of his warm lips against my hungry ones. Lips I want to feel on the rest of my body but can’t because, all of a sudden, Ben is the one who wants to wait.
Maybe I’ve officially scared him away with my raw honesty. With how broken I am. I suppose it’s good that I found out now rather than later.
My fingers wander up his chest, stopping on the bullet that rests in the hollow of his neck. Without thinking I lazily trace it, feeling the lines of his son’s name. But Ben gently pulls my hand away.
“Is something wrong?”
His jaw hitches. “No. It’s just that no one has ever touched that before.”
“Is that bad? For someone to touch your necklace?”
A heavy breath comes out and he wiggles in place, moving his hands away from my ass and down the tops of my legs. “It’s not just a necklace, Tove.”
I search his amber eyes, seeing a side of him that’s holding so much pain. “What is it?”
