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“Maybe after Alana starts college.”
“What about Leilani moving to California? Is that an option?”
“No. She is established here as much as I am there. Plus, she’s helping Akoni get on his feet.”
“Guess you’re screwed then.”
“Screwed, blued, and tattooed, brother.”
Chapter 20
ALANA
Looking through the scope, I focus on each of the people. There aren’t too many on the beach, this late in the day. The mother and her little kid are still there. Like most every day. I am secretly obsessed with watching them. I love when she kisses the baby’s toes. He giggles every time, and it makes her so happy. Like she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
I think of Mom when I see her, and the few years we had together. Some of the best days were right here, on this beach. I know she was happy just being with me, like this lady is with her baby. Guess I think that more from the videos and pictures, than from actual memories. Those are like looking through a haze. I think I see the images, but they aren’t sharp. Regardless, I hold on to every one.
Maybe this place reminds Dad of those days and it doesn’t make him feel good like it does me. What if it hurts too much to be here? It never occurred to me before, but it could be. I would understand that.
A new figure comes into frame. The bent old man. Every careful step looks like it hurts. Tutu said he walks every day because if he stops he may not be able to walk at all. She might have known because it was happening to her too. I’m really glad she got the surgery. And met Lani. It has made her come alive again, like she was when I was a kid.
Where is Jeremy? My eyes go to the big wall clock. Five ten. Thinking about having to say our goodbyes makes me emotional. Being on my period doesn’t help either. I really love him. And he loves me. Not that we actually said the word. I just know it in my heart. It is not puppy love either. Even though it’s my first boyfriend. And even though if Dad or Tutu heard me say it, they would think I don’t know what I’m talking about.
When he kisses me it sends me to another world. I’m living my best life when we are together. He was trying to French kiss yesterday, but I wasn’t prepared. He went back to the normal kind, thank God. I don’t know what people see in it. Too sloppy for my tastes.
Lately I find myself staring at stars. I walk in a kind of fog, never far from the tangle of thoughts playing in my mind. Some dreams, that just began to take shape, are disappearing before they have even had a chance at coming true. Where do all those dreams go? Never felt so unsure of my own direction. Fourteen seems too young to be this way.
Think it may be because Dad always directed where I was going. Like a good parent. I was safe in his choices. My security blanket was tucked tightly around me. Now, when I have a say in things, it’s all getting complicated. My first decision was bad. I am zero for one.
Why did I pick an all-girls school? I know the answer. It was partially to hide from the boys. The thought of being in a bathing suit in swimming class, in front of them, made me crazy. Now I don’t completely hate it. I’m a few steps closer to having a Hot Girl Summer. Maybe when I am sixteen. By then, who knows what beach I will be on, or what boys will be my friends.
Fuck me.Henry’s favorite expression has become mine. But only in my mind. I wouldneversay it out loud. But is the most honest reaction to all kinds of situations. It’s hysterical how all the parents think Henry is the innocent. Out of all of us, he is the wild one. A few days ago he snuck into the pools at the Four Seasons, and laid out on the chaises. He ordered a Coke and had the room number and some people’s name to charge it to. I know it wasn’t right. But it was funny.
Oh! There’s Jeremy.
“I’ll be back, Tutu! I’m just going down to the beach for a half-hour or so!”
Didn’t think she’d just accept without checking. She walks from the hall, into the living room.
“Who are you meeting?”
“Just Jeremy. And Ahn is supposed to be there too.”
That was only half a fib. But she believes me. Now I feel a little guilty.
“I see Jeremy. He’s down there now.”
“Stay where I can see you, Alana. Don’t wander off too far.”
Walking over, I kiss her cheek.
“I won’t.”
Before she asks any more questions, I bug out.
“Bye!”
Out the door, down the steps. Traffic. Takes a minute before I can sprint across to the sand. He watches my approach. When he looks at me like that, I want to kiss his perfect lips! It also makes me a little self-conscious.Don’t trip!
