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Nate
Jesus fucking Christ.
Kissing Shawna was spontaneous, and it feels better than I ever expected. I don’t want to pull away from her soft lips and sweet taste. I only want more of her.
I am so fucked.
Reluctantly, I pull my lips away but rest my forehead against hers, not wanting to lose the intimate contact with her yet. “I’m sorry.” My voice is raspy, apologizing for so much more than she knows.
“Why?” she asks.
“We barely know each other,” I say, wishing that was all I had to apologize for. “I just couldn’t resist kissing you.”
“I’m glad you did.” My eyes close, and my grip on her arms increases ever so slightly, wishing things could be so much less complicated than they are. Why am I doing this? Shawna is off-limits. I have a job to do. Rob and I have a job to do, and this could jeopardize things for us in more ways than one.
On top of all that, the fact that I feel the way I do toward her is unexpected, but I can’t help it. From the moment I met Shawna, I felt something I haven’t felt in years. There was an actual static shock when we shook hands, for Christ’s sake. It sounds crazy, but I feel comfortable with her in a way I haven’t felt with another woman in a long time.
And then I dreamed about her last night. It was one of the most vivid—not to mention one of the strangest—dreams I’d ever had. We were walking hand in hand along a beach while two little kids ran and played alongside us. It was the kind of dream that when I woke up, I had to sit there and reflect on it a moment before I got out of bed. It almost felt real, and its irony wasn’t lost on me. But strangeness aside, it made my feelings for Shawna go from a very minor crush to I need to know more about this woman—now.
“I need to go,” I say, forcing myself to pull away. The second I take my hands off her, I miss her touch.
“Oh, okay,” Shawna says, her hands fidgeting as if she doesn’t know what to do. “Maybe I’ll see you around this weekend.”
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I nod. “Yeah, I hope so.”
As I gaze at Shawna’s beautiful blue eyes, she suddenly turns her head, looking away from me. I realize she must be confused by my actions. Why would I kiss her like that, then pull away? Now there’s an awkwardness between us, and the only thing I want to do is make her feel better. Let her know that I have feelings for her, but things are beyond complicated.
But I can’t tell her that. I need to maintain a friendly relationship with her for the sake of Rob’s and my job. When she told me today that she hadn’t heard from her son’s father since he left town seven years ago, I knew she was telling me the truth. Why would she need to lie about that? She has no idea that Rob and I work for a private security company hired by the federal government to find Jarred Feldman. Based on our conversation today, I don’t believe she even knows Jarred is a wanted domestic terrorist.
Not wanting to end things on a sour note with her tonight and not being able to control the urge I have to touch her again, I take a step closer to Shawna and place a hand on her shoulder. She turns to look at me again, her pouty lips begging me to kiss them. “I want to see you again this weekend,” I say, and it’s the truth. I don’t want to wait until Monday to run into her at The Cellar again.
Shawna takes me by surprise when she doesn’t reply. Instead, she wraps a hand around the back of my head and pulls me in for another kiss. I don’t hold back—I let go of the conflict and pour all of the feelings I’m developing for Shawna into this kiss.
Fuck.
* * *
“What the hell are you doing?” Rob booms as he enters my room.
I shut the door behind him and prepare for the lecture I’m about to get. Hell, I’ve given myself the same speech in my head, so I know what he’s going to say.
“We agreed that you were going to talk to her at lunch today to find out if she knows anything about Jarred. That’s it! How did that transform into you kissing her in the parking lot when she left work?”
Nodding, I can’t look Rob in the eyes because he’s right. I’m really fucking things up. “I know, I know. I don’t have an answer for you, other than there’s something about her—”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Rob takes two steps closer so we’re only a foot apart. Anger and disappointment are written all over his face. “Seriously, are you fucking kidding? You’re a goddamn Navy SEAL! You’ve been in combat and dealt with terrorists. You now work for one of the country’s most respected private security firms, and you’re letting a fucking woman get to you?!”
Well, when he puts it like that, it does sound pretty bad.
Rob wipes his hands down his face in frustration, then turns and starts pacing the room. “Our job is now in jeopardy. If Jackson finds out about this—”
“No, our job’s not in jeopardy, and Jackson’s not going to find out anything.” I cross my arms over my chest as the reality hits me hard. Rob is right. This is my job! My cousin, Liam, helped me get hired at Cole Security when I decided to leave the Navy a couple of years ago. After everything I’d been through, I had to get out. At the time, I didn’t know what I was going to do, but Liam helped me. I can’t disappoint him or Jackson Cole. Landing this job saved me at a time when I thought there was nothing else I could do with my life.
Rob stops pacing and looks at me. “What is it about her? I know you’ve been through hell and back and haven’t been interested in dating at all. What’s so special about her?”
I shrug, not sure how to answer that. I cross the room and sit in the antique wingback chair next to the window.
Rob’s shoulders relax, his whole demeanor changing before he plops down in the matching chair next to me. “Look, man, I didn’t know you before you started working for Cole Security, so I only know as much as you’ve shared with me, and I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and looking me square in the eye. “I also can’t deny that I noticed a difference in you whenever you talked with Shawna at the bar. You seemed more carefree and less reserved. I wasn’t sure what it was, or even if you were putting on an act in order to help us gain more information from her. It’s obvious it’s not an act now. What’s going on?”
