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“I’m okay.” I pull my hand away from his. “It’s nice of you to finally arrive,” I say, my tone dripping with sarcasm.
Jarred folds his arms across his chest. “I was working. You know, so I can earn money to help support the baby.”
“Our baby,” I correct him. He never refers to our baby as an actual human. He always
says it or the baby, rather than him or ours. It’s among the many things lately that Jarred has done to annoy the hell out of me.
Jarred rolls his eyes. “Yeah. I know.”
“Jarred,” Mom interjects with a calm voice. “Shawna just got an epidural. It’s likely
going to be several more hours before anything happens. Would you like me to call you when things get more interesting?”
I’m so grateful for my mom. She knows Jarred has caused me nothing but stress for the past few months, and I’d rather he not be here until necessary.
Jarred looks from my mom to me, then back at my mom. His arms fall to his sides, and he shoves them in the pockets of his jeans. “I guess so,” he says, then looks at me again. “You don’t want me here?”
Another contraction starts and the epidural is evidently beginning to work because it doesn’t feel as bad as before. The monitor next to the bed begins beeping and charting the intensity of the contraction, grabbing Jarred’s attention.
“Holy crap,” he says, his eyebrows high as he looks at the machine. “What’s going on?”
I close my eyes. I don’t have any patience for Jarred right now.
“She’s having a contraction,” Mom calmly explains. “This is likely all that’s going to happen for the next several hours. Why don’t you go home for a while, Jarred? You must be tired and hungry after working all day. I’ll call you when things progress.”
With my eyes still closed, I don’t know that Jarred has moved closer to the door until he speaks again. “Yeah, okay. Call me,” he says, and I open my eyes just in time to see him walk out the door.
I suddenly feel conflicted. Jarred should be here, but at the same time, I don’t want him around. He hasn’t exactly been the most supportive—or faithful—boyfriend for the past few months. He’s caused me nothing but heartache and stress, even causing me to have Braxton Hicks contractions, or false labor, on a couple of occasions.
“Are you okay?” Mom asks.
I turn to look at her, sitting in the chair at my bedside once again. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Mom smiles a sad smile, and I know she’s aware of my conflicted feelings. “I’ll call him, don’t worry. He won’t miss the birth of his son. I don’t think it’s necessary for him to hang around now, though. You don’t need any more stress.”
Mom’s words comfort me because she’s right. “Thank you.”
And she keeps her word. Four hours later, when my doctor says it’s time to push, Mom calls both my dad and Jarred to let them know. I don’t see either one of them, though, since they opt to stay in the waiting room. After two grueling hours of pushing, Noah Richard Sparks finally comes into the world.
After I deliver the placenta and the nurses clean Noah off, Dad and Jarred come into the room. I can only imagine how awkward their time in the waiting room must’ve been together. Maybe Jarred didn’t have the balls to wait with my dad. Who knows? Neither of them mentions anything, and Mom and I don’t ask. As soon as they both enter the room, everyone’s focus is solely on the beautiful baby boy in my arms.
Mom holds him first, then Dad. Jarred hangs back, watching, and I assume it’s because he doesn’t know what to do with a baby. Dad finally explains to him how to hold his son and hands Noah over to him. It’s a sweet moment that brings tears to my eyes. Jarred hasn’t had the easiest life, and his dad left him and his mom when he was only two years old. Although Jarred has caused me a lot of grief lately, and my parents are well aware of what he’s done, my dad still has the grace to show him compassion right now.
I see the love in Jarred’s eyes as he holds Noah. I’ve never seen him look at anyone with such total and complete admiration. It’s touching, and for that moment, I have hope that Jarred grows up and there’s a possibility of us raising our son together.
That feeling is short-lived, though.
Two weeks later, Jarred’s gone. He packed his truck and told me he just wasn’t ready to be a father. That Noah and I would be better off without him. He needed to go out into the real world and make something of himself. Nothing good was going to happen for him if he stayed in Port Townsend.
Fuck him.
Mom and Dad do their best to help me with Noah. Though my dad wants nothing more than to find Jarred, drag him back to town, and make him feel as much pain as he’s caused me, he doesn’t waste his time. We don’t even know where Jarred went.
My life has been turned upside down, but I have to stay strong for my son. Although I know I have the support of my parents, I have to raise him as a single mom without his father. I only hope I’m able to do a good enough job so Noah doesn’t grow up to be like Jarred.
