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Zander sighed but nodded, knowing that fair was fair, "You already know my siblings and I went into the foster care system when we were kids, after our mom died. They split us up from Zoey straight away because she was adoptable. Not just because she was a baby but because her birth certificate didn't have a father listed like mine and Zenia's did."
"Zoey had a different father?"
"Yeah, though I don't have any idea who he was. Nobody else seemed to either. So, with no other living relations that might claim her, Zoey got put straight into the pipeline for a new family, meanwhile they tried to track down the father listed on mine and Zen's birth certificate."
"He was alive?"
"As far as any of us knew he was, though we hadn't seen him in years. Mom always said he went out for groceries and never came back." Zander picked up the dog tag that hung around his neck, fingering the letters worn down by years of wear and tear. "He'd been in the war and it doesn't take a genius to figure out he likely had PTSD. Two screaming, crying toddlers at home and a wife just barely keeping it together was too much for him. He walked out on us."
"How old were you?" Maya frowned.
"Two, I think. I don't really remember him. Everything I know of him I either heard from Mom when she was in one of her stupors or later on, from the caseworker once we were in the system."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Like I said, I never knew him. He could've been any sperm donor on the planet. He wasn't a father to me."
"But you wear his dog tags." Maya pointed out. "He must mean something to you."
"These?" He held the tags tight in his fist, the familiar weight of them strangely comforting. "I wear these to remind me of the kind of man I never want to be, the kind who could ignore his responsibilities, the kind who chose a battlefield over coming home to raise his own children."
Zander winced as the worn metal bit into his skin but it was his own words that cut the deepest. Because wasn't that exactly who he had been on his way to becoming before he met Maya? Before he realized that this little bayou town in the middle of nowhere might be the answer to a prayer he hadn't known he was praying for?
His stomach turned and he felt sick at the realization. Violet was his responsibility. She might not be his child by birth but she had been the only blood relative he had left. Zenia had left her precious, precocious, seven year old daughter with him because she'd trusted him to take care of her and what had he done instead? He'd tracked down their long lost sister with every intention of dumping Violet on her doorstep and running as far away as possible.
He couldn't even console himself with the knowledge that he'd changed his mind because he wasn't sure he would have stayed even this long if he hadn't felt the pull of his connection to the woman at his side. If Noir hadn't felt strangely like home, would he have followed through and walked out of Violet's life as easily as his father had walked out of his? He feared that he knew the answer to that question and he didn't like the man it made him out to be.
"Hey." Maya's hand touched his cheek gently and he refocused to find her staring at him worriedly, "What's wrong?"
"I was going to leave Violet." His voice felt hoarse and he cleared his throat when Maya only tilted her head curiously. "You were right when you said I never planned to stay. I was going to find Zoey and make sure she had a good life and then I was going to leave Violet with her. I was going to leave her behind the same way he left me."
"Hey." Maya's voice was soft, "Hey, look at me." He did as she said, and once he met her eyes she smiled softly, "You didn't walk out on her. You're here. You stayed."
"But I was going to leave. I was." He reiterated when she gave him that same soft smile. "I had every intention of leaving her behind and the only reason I didn't is you. The pull I feel to you, to this place, it's what kept me here. Not my responsibility to take care of her."
"Zander." Maya said his name slowly. "You adore that girl. I only saw you together for a little while but it was clear to me how much you care about her. You weren't going to abandon her."
"I was."
"You might think that but deep down, you know that it isn't true. Whatever your reasons for coming to Noir, to find Zoey and to leave Violet with her or not, your intentions were pure. You wanted to give Violet the family you missed out on."
"But..."
"Once you were here, your plans changed." Maya cut him off. "Because fate got you here however she could, by convincing you that you could come here and then go back to your carefree life with no ties to anyone or anything, right?”
He nodded shakily and Maya took his hand in hers again.
“Right, but once you were you never even thought about leaving. I told you leave, to run as far and as fast as you could and you said no. You're not going anywhere. You're not abandoning me or Violet or Zoey. You found your family, finally, and you chose to stay despite realizing we live in a very strange world where you're the outsider. That has to count for something don't you think?"
Zander squeezed her hand and then, when that wasn’t enough, he pulled her into a hug. Maya let him. She nestled herself against his chest and he breathed in the woodsy, fresh scent of her. Holding her felt like coming home and even though he knew that was crazy because they’d only just met, knew that it was the bond between them, the magic causing him to want her so badly, he didn’t care. Because if fate had chosen her for him then this was the reason why. She fit him so well, so perfectly, and he never wanted to let her go.
“Thank you.” He breathed against her hair.
“For what?” She pulled back to look up at him.
“Being you.”
Maya smiled, “Who else would I be?”
