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Zander blew out a rough breath and leaned back on the sofa, taking her with him. She gave a little squeak of surprise but didn’t resist. She let him pull her against him and used his chest as a pillow. He loved the way she fit against him and he wiggled a little, getting comfortable.
“Don’t think I’m going to let you get away with stopping your story now.” She chided when he fell silent.
“Right.” he sighed, “Where was I?”
“You were separated from Zoey because they needed to track down your father.”
“Yeah.” Zander stared up at the ceiling, the past closing back in on him with just one mention of that time. “They found him of course, but he’d reenlisted by then. He was overseas fighting another war, or the same war, it doesn’t matter. He chose to stay there and let me and Zenia stay in the system. There was always the hope that when he returned from his tour of duty that he’d come for us but I heard a few months later that he had been killed in action.”
“Oh, Zan… Maya squeezed his hand and he kissed the top of her head, her sweetness the balm he needed most.
“He chose to die on the other side of the world rather than come home and take care of us. I nearly threw these dog tags away then. I was so angry all the time back then. I was rash and impulsive and I was constantly getting into trouble. Nobody was surprised when they stopped placing me with families and sent me to a boys’ home instead.”
“A boys’ home?”
“It was like a school, a boarding house and a prison all rolled into one. It wasn't so bad really, looking back, but at the time I was just a kid who had lost his parents and had my sisters taken away from me. I acted out, tried to run away, and they tagged my file as a problem child. After that I got bounced around a lot, nobody could deal with me for long, and it became a kind of pattern for me. Go somewhere new, get in trouble, go through all the stages of discipline, then get sent on to the next place, always worst than the last. I thought I was tough for refusing to play by their rules but mostly I was just stupid for not realizing how much worse things could be.”
Maya tensed against him, “Someone at one of those homes gave you those scars? Someone who was supposed to be taking care of you?”
“I was eight the first time one of them took a belt to me. The last time, I was sixteen.”
“Oh my god.” Maya gasped.
“There are people in the foster system who do it for the right reasons. I know there are. But I rarely crossed paths with them. The ones I dealt with didn’t give a shit about the kids in their care. All they wanted was the money that came from the state for having us under their roof. I was a paycheck to them, nothing more.”
“That’s terrible.”
Zander swallowed hard, “The scars I showed you are from a whipping I got when I was sixteen, the last one I ever got because I ended up in the hospital from the beating. That house was closed after an investigation. All the kids were rehomed but I never went back.”
“They whipped you? What possible excuse could they have to whip a child so badly?”
“I stole food.” Zander admitted. “They were practically starving us, so me and another kid, Rory, snuck into the kitchen at night and started pilfering food.”
“You were that hungry? In your own house?”
“It wasn’t just for me. It was for the other kids. I was one of the oldest by then and I tried to look out for them the best I could. I tried to help but…” Zander’s voice caught and he swallowed past the lump. “One of the little ones got caught with a candy bar. He didn’t know any better so when they asked where he got it, he told them the truth. Rory gave it to him.”
“Oh God…”
Zander continued quickly, “Rory was small for fifteen and I couldn’t let him take the whipping. I just couldn’t. So I took the blame, told them I had been stealing from them and I gave the candy to Rory to hand out to the others. It got the spotlight off Rory and the man running that place already hated me for all the other trouble I’d caused over the years. He made an example out of me, whipping me in front of the others until my legs gave out and then I passed out from blood loss.”
“He could have killed you.” Maya’s voice was practically a growl but he tightened his hold on her and shook his head.
“No. I was a paycheck, remember? He wouldn’t have taken it that far.”
“But you said you were in the hospital…”
“It was the infection that nearly killed me, weeks later, but it also gave me my way out and it likely saved the rest of those kids from that bastard. I don’t regret taking that beating. I never have. I likely saved Rory’s life by taking his place that day and I hope wherever he is that he’s found a way towards happiness.”
Maya sighed and was silent for a long moment, when she spoke again her voice was soft, “You’re a good man, Zander Leery.”
“I’m trying to be.”
“You are.” She tilted her face up to his and his heart skipped a beat when she offered a shy smile, “You’re a good man and I’m glad that you’re mine.”
Zander’s heart swelled and he knew his answering smile verged on cracking his face open but he didn’t care. Not with Maya. Because they’d both opened up about the worst things they’d lived through and he felt closer to her now than he’d ever felt to anyone. And if she felt even half of what he was feeling, he knew there was no way she’d keep trying to send him away and break the bond.
He was hers and dammit, that meant she was his too.
