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“I thinkyoubelieve what you’re saying. What I’m unclear on is whether it’s the truth.”
I jerked, having expected anything but that.
“What, then? You think I’m brainwashed? That I don’t know what I’m doing?”
He turned his head, cracking his neck both ways before putting his hand behind it, rubbing, as if everything about tonight had grated on his last ounce of control.
“Let’s look at the situation, shall we?” he asked. “You say your grandmother got you a reservation but you have no idea how, why,orwhat she might’ve been. You have no aptitude, according to testing. Not only that, you test negative for transitioning even after you have.” He nonchalantly waved toward where I was standing. “Then there’s the issue that Chaos seems be to following you, yet you survive. And again, no answers for any of it. You think that there isn’t something strange about all of this?” He narrowed his eyes, daring me to disagree.
Was he right? When he put it like that, he made me wonder if I’d somehow been manipulated. What was I? He wouldn’t be the person I’d ask, not if there was a possibility he was right.
“Now what? Should I leave the outpost?”
I mentally catalogued my belongings. I still had the money. That would feed and shelter me for a while Topside. It would be hard to get a job if people kept forgetting who I was and I had no identity left, but maybe I could get some kind of work in Nowhere.
“Now nothing. We’re both going to continue to play this out. If I didn’t think you might be useful to me, you’d already be dead.”
“Is that a threat?” I asked, stiffening.
“No. That’s reality. I wouldn’t have had to lift a finger. You would’ve died several times over by now from your own stupidity. Things aren’t as simple as they might seem, and you’re going to have to make a choice. Either decide that you’re with me, on my team, and give me a reason to trust you, or we sever ties. You go your own way. You can’t straddle the wall. It’s one or the other. You’re either with me or not.”
Handing him my blind loyalty? No. That wouldn’t work. Alaric wasn’t an option either. If he knew about Chaos, he might be the first to kill me. What could I do? The choices were impossible. If I’d gotten to talk to Gram tonight, I might have some idea of what was going on.
I needed time. My grandmother was where I’d gotten my stubbornness. She’d show.
“What if I can’t decide?” I asked.
“Then I’ll decide for you.”
Which meant I’d be out. I’d be flying in the wind on my own in this strange world. The idea was utterly terrifying, but I wouldn’t make my choice based on fear. I just needed to buy myself some time.
I walked toward the door, planning on walking to the outpost, but he grabbed me.
“What are you doing?"
“I’m trying to leave,” I said.
“So you can make your meeting? No. I might not believe you are intentionally spying, but I still don’t trust your reasons about tonight.” His eyes roved over me, almost hungrily. “Although I can see you certainly made an effort to please whoever your company was going to be,” he said, sounding angrier than he had all night.
I found my back arching without thought, some part of me glowing from his perusal. Was he jealous? Over me? The thought was so stunning, I found myself throwing an accusation at him before I thought better of it.
“You’re acting like a—”
“Man with a vested interest that you don’t meet with my enemies.”
Enemies. There was that sticky word. Would it apply to Gram? I hoped not. This was not the man you wanted to fight with.
He still had a hold on my arm when Antoinette appeared in the doorway. Oh, just what I needed to make my evening complete. The jealously I sensed somehow had dulled my anger over his wanting me to stay, but with her here? This wasn’t going to go well.
“Kaden, what’s going on? I thought you had to run out for some emergency, and yet I got a call you were at The Deep, with her.” Her eyes were glued to the place Kaden and I were connected.
“It was an emergency, and it’s handled,” Kaden said, letting go of me, although I didn’t think it was because of her glare.
She smiled. “Why is Billie here? Is she staying the night—again?” she asked, her voice sounding brittle enough to crack.
“Yes, she’ll be staying,” he said.
This was definitely where I needed to exit. If I couldn’t get out of the house, I’d at least get out of the vicinity, to avoid any shrapnel.
