AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Of course, Marion approved of that switch,” I say, continuing to fumble through this awkward conversation.Why is it so hard to converse with the woman who birthed me?
“Right. Well, that’s good,” she replies. “So, I’d love to see you. Are you still living in Marion’s apartment? I could come to the city to visit.”
Instinctively, my hand moves over my belly as I remember my biggest news. News I’m not ready to share with my mother yet. Or am I? I’m having a child after all. A daughter. Certainly a new life, my mother’s grandchild, warrants a second chance. Maybe this could be a new beginning for us. She doesn’t have to live up to some perfect mother fantasy I had growing up to become something to my child. And after seeing Cash with his family last week, it’s hard to imagine that I have no family to bring to the table. He’s got family members popping out of rooms. Literally. And I’ve just got me. It would be nice to have someone else. Even if it’s my mother.
I think.
Honestly, I’m not sure. I never expected to hear from my mother today, let alone considered what I’d do if I did.
What if she already knows I’m with Cash and that’s the only reason she’s reaching out?
Cash isn’t wrong that a James is far superior to a Kensington. For my mother it would be in all the wrong ways though. Cash is better than Steven because he loves me the right way. Because he doesn’t try to squash my dreams; he tries to enhance them. He doesn’t try to convince me not to beme, not to work hard, not to take time for myself. He builds me a room to do it. Complete with paint, a reading nook, and all the things I love so that I can have my own space, away from him, even though I find myself wanting him with me even when we’re apart.
It’s funny that it took my mother calling for me to realize this, but in this moment, I realize there is nothing to be scared of when it comes to my love with Cash. It’s real, and it’s true, and it won’t steal from the other parts of my life. It only makes them brighter.
But none of that changes that once she knows I’m dating a James, once she knows I’m having his baby, all she’ll see is status, dollar signs, and stability. Will it be me and my baby she is sticking around for, or will it be what we can provide her?
“Yes, still living at Marion’s,” I lie.
My mother hesitates. It’s momentary, but it leaves me wondering what she knows. “Well, what do you say I come into the city, and we can have a day together. Shopping. My treat.”
I roll my eyes. My mother has never treated me to a day of shopping. But I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. I want to stop rolling my eyes, the defense mechanism I acquired through many years of underwhelming moments with my mother. A way to mask the hurt. Something so ingrained in me that my boyfriend bought me a coffee cup referring to it.
“How about we just start with lunch, Mom?”
A whole day is asking a lot. If we can make it through a meal without me wanting to slink down into my own skin, I’ll be amazed.
“Okay. Does tomorrow work?”
Today is New Year’s Eve. Cash has the day off tomorrow, and I know he has something planned.
“How about next week? Saturday?”
Likely realizing she doesn’t hold the bargaining chips to force tomorrow, my mother relents. “Okay, Saturday. Let me know where you want to meet, and I’ll see you then.”
“Sounds good, Mom. Thanks for calling.”
My mom is silent for a beat and then it almost sounds as if she’s gotten choked up when she replies, “Thanks for picking up.”
