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Grace drops to the bench, still not having said a word. I sit down next to her and unbutton my jacket, giving myself some breathing room. When I turn to look at her, she meets my gaze pensively.
Fuck, this is hard.
“Grace, I owe you an apology. I am so sorry for everything that happened. For not believing you, for jumping to conclusions, for lashing out. I’m so sorry for everything I said. None of it was true. You aren’t selfish, and your ambition is nothing to be ashamed about. I was hurt, but I make no excuses for my behavior. I was horrible.”
Grace opens her mouth to speak and then closes it again. I watch as she shakes her head at whatever she was going to say and then simply nods while not looking at me and whispers a polite, “Thank you.”
I practically growl in exasperation. “Thank you?”
She remains completely neutral, unaffected by how worked up I am. “Yes, thank you for the apology. I appreciate it.”
I am out of my mind by her response. She’s completely written me off. She’s writtenusoff. “I don’t want you to appreciate it; I want you to talk to me, tell me how you’re feeling, help us move past it.”
She rolls her eyes and laughs.“So now my response to your apology isn’t good enough?”
“That’s not what I mean. I just mean, it’s not okay. What I did was not okay and you should be angry. You shouldn’tthankme for apologizing.”
Grace stares at me, expressionless. “Cash, I don’t have time to be angry. It’s been over three months since we broke up. Nine weeks since you fucked me over. Literally. A month since we last saw one another…and you told me it was just fucking. What would you like me to say? That I wish you didn’t blow up both our lives without a second thought?” She lets out a rough breath and nods. “Yeah, it would have been great to avoid all that. You want me to bore you with the many nights I sat in bed crying myself to sleep or the days I had to hide from the press because you blew up my life? Because I don’t really want to relive that, thank you very much. Do you want me to tell you how without Jay and your sister I probably would have had to close my business? Or how Hayden has had to pick me up off the floor more times than I can count? That he’s literally rocked me to sleep as tears wet his shirt. I mean, what do youwantfrom me? You apologized, I accept it. If you can’t tell, I have bigger things to worry about than your damn apology.”
She motions to her stomach, and my heart gets caught in my throat.
Without thinking, I pull her into my arms and against my chest. She doesn’t fight me, and for a moment I think just maybe this is what we need—physical touch. I inhale her coconut scent, the smell I’ve missed the same way I would a limb if it was cut off, and I run circles against the silk fabric on her back and just enjoy holding her again. But then I realize that Grace is like a stone in my arms. She didn’t push me away, but she’s held herself so tight as if she’s afraid to evenfeelme against her.
I pull back and look at her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
She looks down and then her hand goes around her stomach again. “Cash, there’s something you should know.”
I cut her off. “I know, Grace, and it changes nothing. If anything, I realized tonight it makes me want you even more. I love you, Grace. I’m so fucking in love with you that even when I thought I hated you, I loved you. I couldn’t breathe without you. Couldn’t make it through a day without drinking because it hurt to be sober and be without you. I am going to fight for you. You having a baby doesn’t scare me. What scares me is being without you. Having tolivewithout you. I’ll be here for you and your baby every step of the way. I’m never going to abandon you again. I’m going to earn your trust and prove to you that you’reeverythingto me.”
My heart beats wildly in my chest at my own admission. I search her eyes for any response. She simply shakes her head, confusion evident in the lines of her forehead. “What?”
“Do you love Hayden? Do you feel for him the way you felt for me? If your answer is yes, I’ll walk away, Grace. I’ll step aside so you can be happy. But if you don’t…or if you’re not sure…”
I meet her eyes and try to read her thoughts like I used to be able to so easily, but they’re blank.
“Cash, I…you don’t just turn those type of feelings on and off. Or at least I didn’t. I couldn’t go from loving one man so desperately to feeling the same for another…” Grace looks down as her voice goes quiet. It’s like she’s trying to work something out in her head, and I find my opening. They aren’tthereyet. She doesn’t love him,yet.I still have a shot.
I do it again—touch her. I can’t keep my hands to myself. Reaching out, I place my hand on her stomach and close my eyes briefly as I smile, feeling the swell beneath my palm. “You’re beautiful, Grace. You’re a goddamn dream come true, an angel on earth, and the life I planned for us, the one I pictured, and we talked about—it’s still possible.Thischanges nothing.”
Grace removes my hand and replaces it with her own and I feel the air spark with her fire. “Cash, this changeseverything. It’s a bit convenient that when you learn I’m pregnant with your child, you miraculously forgive me. When you learn the truth about the interview, you suddenly decide you still love me. When everything is packaged up nicely in a little bow for you, I’m no longer the selfish woman you broke time and again, I’m the dutiful girlfriend you want to make a wife. But for me,”—she huffs out a breath and looks away before turning her blazing eyes in my direction—“for me,this isn’t nothing.And I don’ttrustyou not to turn on me again. I don’t trust that you’re finally speaking to me because you wantmeand not just because you envisioned this perfect life and want to make it a reality. I think you said it best a few months ago when you told me to walk away, because Idon’ttrust you and I’m not sure I ever will again.”
My mind reels as I try to work through everything she just said. As I try to focus on her anger and not the one sentence that literally just changed my life. But I fail. “That’s my baby?”
Grace’s eyes shut, and she shakes her head in what appears to be disappointment. “I can’t do this right now.”
I grab her hand before she gets up, knowing that I have to fix this. I have to get through to her. She needs to know that whether that child was mine or not I would have wanted her. That this is abouther.
“I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I’ve never been fucking happier knowing that you’re carrying my child. Because Grace…having a child with you,”—my voice cracks—“having you be the mother ofmy child, I’ve never wanted anything more. And that’s because it’syou.You are the love of my life. And I know I haven’t been the man you would choose to be father of your child, but I’m going to change that. I’ll be better, I promise.” I squeeze her hand three times and she stares down at our connection, speechless.
Knowing she needs time, I lean in, kiss her on the cheek, and stand. “I’m going to head back. Take some time to think about what I said, and get ready, Grace, because I’m coming for you. I will be a father to our child either way, but you need to know, this is about you. I loveyou. And this time I’m going to prove to you that I’m worthy of your love. That I’m someone you’ll be proud to have a child with. That you can trust in our love, you can rely on it,you can trust me, and I swear, Grace, I won’t let you down.”
