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Chapter 31
Grace
Isitstaringoutat the bay until the orange sky is black and the pink water is a deep navy. There isn’t a single scenario that I ran through to prepare myself for today that ended with Cash telling me he loved me. That hestillloves me.
That he’s coming for me.
The shock from those words reverberates down to my core. It wasn’t a possibility that I ever entertained. And perhaps that’s why I don’t quite know what to even think of it.
I assumed he hated me because that’s what he told me right before he destroyed everything that mattered in my life. He took awayeverything.Burned it all to the ground. I never took a moment to wonder if I could still love him. I never considered to even ask myself if he was still the love of my life.
I didn’t allow myself to sink against his chest, because he had stopped being my safe place.
He’s not my safe place.
What am I supposed to do? He says he’s coming for me. He says he loves me. He says this child,our child,changes nothing. That he still wants me. That he still wants us.
But he’s wrong—this baby changes everything.
My throat feels dry.
I’d been prepared to act civil. To figure out a way to co-parent. To do whatever was best for my child because that is what a mother does. The possibility that this child could have two parents that loved one another, that wanted to grow old together, that could be afamilytogether—that possibility never existed. But that’s what a child deserves. If it’s possible at least.
My heart aches knowing that now it’s my choice. The knowledge that now it’s a possibility, and that I may choose not to give it to my child, is almost unbearable.
