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He points to my silky robe, and I fold my arms across my chest. “Well, obviously I didn’t think before I came down here.”
Cash holds his arms out to me. “Come over here.”
I stare at him, sitting behind his desk with his arms open. His hair is mussed as if he’s been rubbing his hands through it in stress, his shirt is unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up, showing off the veins in his arms, and his whiskey-brown eyes gaze at me with a bit of a challenge.
I stay rooted in my spot, afraid to get too close for fear I’ll lose the nerve to say my piece.
Cash’s eyes grow darker. “Angel, get over here now, or I’ll be forced to come get you and then I’ll have to punish you for not listening.”
I clench and heat with desire. “How?” I ask in barely a whisper.
Cash narrows his eyes. “Why don’t you come over here and find out?”
I shudder in anticipation. “Maybe I’d rather be punished,” I challenge.
Cash is out of his chair and in front of me in four quick steps. He presses me against the wall, caging me in with his arms, and leers down at me. I lean my head back, exposing my neck and staring at the veins in his arm.
Cash’s head dips to my collarbone, and he rubs his mouth up my neck and to my jaw and then leans in and just inhales. “Fuck, you smell delicious.”
My pride cracks. “Then why have you been staying so far away from me?”
Cash’s head dips against my chest and he stays there, silent. The confusion and need and embarrassment pulsate with every breath I take.
“Please, Cash, tell me what’s going on.”
Cash raises his head and looks me in the eye. “Come sit with me, Angel.” He leads me into his office where he takes a seat in his chair, and I lean against his desk, my arms folded across my chest, waiting for him to talk.
When he says nothing, I feel myself going stir crazy and I blurt out, “Why did you paint the guest bedroom?”
Cash’s eyes flicker to mine in recognition. He knows I’ve been in there. He gives me a sad smile. “I did it for you. As a surprise. Before everything…” he trails off, not finishing the sentence.
Before we broke up.
“Butwhy?”
Cash runs his hands through his hair. “I wanted you to have a space that was all your own. I know how much you value your independence and enjoy Marion’s apartment for those reasons. The books, a place to sit quietly by yourself, a space to paint…just a space for you. And I had asked you to give all of that up so quickly after just regaining your freedom. I wanted you to have something that was yours, a spot you could retreat to if you wanted a break from me.” As he speaks, his head remains down, and he doesn’t meet my eyes.
This time it’s my turn to pull his chin up, forcing him to look at me. “I happily gave all of that up because I didn’t want space from you. I wantedus. A life…together.”
Cash nods, his eyes heavy with regret. “I know, and I fucked it all up.”
I give him a sad smile. “Yeah, you did. But what I’m trying to figure out is why you’re doing it again? Why are you pushing me away? I’m here, in your penthouse,in your life, standing in front of you,beggingyou to touch me. To want me, to spend time with me, but you’re pushing me away.”
Cash grimaces, and he lifts his hands up and puts them on my thighs which are crossed in my closed off stance. The second his hand meets my skin, electricity fires through my body, warming me throughout.
Cash looks up at me with fear in his eyes. “I’m so damn scared to lose you again. To fuck this up. You think I don’t want to touch you? That I don’t want to spend time with you? I sit in this office every night and watch you because it’s the only way I feel safe getting close to you. I’m nervous if I say or do the wrong thing, you’re going to walk out of this building and disappear from my life for good.”
The emotion in his voice, the angst which sets his hands trembling upon my legs, makes it obvious that words are getting us nowhere. Reaching down, I grab his shaking hand and pull it to my breast, holding it there and gazing down at him. “Touch me. Want me. Show me how badly you want this to work. Don’t push me away.” I plead with my eyes, my voice, and my body, arching toward him.
Cash visibly shudders and then it’s like something snaps; his eyes close and open again with determination. His fingers twist my nipple which is bare below my robe, and I arch farther back and hiss as my eyes fall shut. “Cash, please,” I beg again.
“Did you know I was watching?” he says in a deep voice, staring up at me as his fingers continue to roll my nipple and his other hand pushes me back so I’m sitting on his desk.
I nod down at him with hooded eyes.
“You touched yourself knowing I was watching?” he asks again. As if he wants to be clear precisely what he’s talking about. I’m not shy though. I have no shame in what I did. In what I want. It’s him. Only him.
Since the moment I met him, Cash has been my whiskey of choice. The only drink I’ve needed. The one I craved. Even when it was burning on the way down. Even when it hurt the next morning. The pounding headaches, the nausea, the tears—it had all been worth it because it’s him.
