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I inhaled slowly. “Yes. I think his methods of ruling were misconstrued.”
“I’m not really sure you can misinterpret actions like that,” Willa said.
I shrugged. “That could have been centuries ago. In fact, it probably was, Willa. People change.”
“You don’t need to tell me that.” Her tone was hard. I understood why. We’d all been changed in Lazarus’s feeder community. “Mrak isn’t a person, though. Not a human, anyway.”
“He’s a living being,” I said, defensive when I probably didn’t need to be. Willa wasn’t accusing him of anything, just pointing out facts. “We all deserve second chances. He gave us ours. He deserves the same.”
Willa bit her lip and nodded mutely. “So, what are you going to do?”
I crossed my arms and closed my eyes. That was the eternal question, wasn’t it? WhatwasI going to do?
“Mrak just wants to go back to his world,” I finally said. “He wants his throne back from his brother and to save his people. His brother exiled him for ‘ruling evilly’ or something, but Mrak said that while his methods were less than ideal, his brother is an actual lunatic. Like Lazarus. Like Cassius and Hunter and Val. I don’t think he cares to keep the portal to his kingdom open after he goes through. Or if he does, he wants to keep things civil.”
“Do you believe him?” Willa asked carefully.
I thought I had made it clear the day before that I did. “Yes, Willa. I do. I don’t think he’s a knight in shining armor or something, but he’s not the worst evil in this world. Everyone he’s killed because or for me has been a criminal or worse.” And Mrak had made it clear that any more deaths to power him or our connection up would be executed under the same logic.
Willa held up her hand. “Then I’m going to ask you a question and I need you not to be defensive about it. Because I really need you to think about the answer to this.”
I gave her an exasperated look. She didn’t deserve any ounce of my frustrations, especially not after what we had endured together. But I was about done with people questioning my moves—even if they had good reason to. “What?”
“If you believe Mrak,” Willa started slowly, “then why are you keeping him warded when he could help you right now?”
My stomach dropped as Willa spoke. She was right to ask the question. “Because he’ll—”
She shook her head. “No, what’s the real reason? Yes, he’ll make you go to those vampires and either kill them or take you over and kill them himself. That’s logical. But what’s really bugging you?”
“I…” I trailed off and looked out the closest window at the city beyond. What was my worry? I believed Mrak about everything—his story, his goals, his reasoning. I believed he loved me and wanted to make me his queen once the portal to Kithonia was opened and we could go there.
Then what was the problem?
Trust. Sort of. In one specific, large, way.
“Because,” I finally said, “he’ll more likely take over my body to go after the vampires than allow me to go there and kill them myself with his coaching.” It hurt to admit, especially when I understood the reasons why Mrak had already done those things over the past few days. There was no more running from the truth.
“Because he’s incredibly powerful and wields that power over me with this pact. And while I do find that power imbalance intoxicating, while I trust him with my life and invite him to my body, I’m terrified he’ll do whatever he deems necessary to my body to get himself home.”
And just like that, the truth was out there. It was an extreme lack of trust to be sure—much different than trusting a lover with your house keys, or to not cheat on you. But it was there all the same.
Willa grabbed my hand and squeezed. “It’s a lot of rewiring and healing to undo what’s been done to us, Aisling. But if Mrak really cares for you, if he really just wants the best for you and to make you his queen, he won’t do those things. You need to trust him with all of you.”
I swallowed hard as tears pricked my eyes. I wouldn’t let them fall. Willa and I had cried in front of each other enough times over the years to fill an ocean. “You’re right.”
And Iwouldtrust him. I would.
But first, I needed more information. Leif, demon hunter or cop or both, might have more precise information on Mrak’s history, which meant he might know—and be afraid of—what might more easily grant Mrak enough power to open the portal. If I went to Leif pretending to be scared and needing to stop Mrak, he might tell me that information.
But then what would I do with Leif? He knew what was in me. That Mrak had a hold on me I couldn’t get rid of. And Leif already warned he couldn’t stop the authorities from arresting me—which they’d definitely do before asking questions about how my workshop had burnt down.
Even if he didn’t come after me as a cop, Leif could do so as a demon hunter. He was both a threat and a potential source of knowledge. Which meant I had a decision to make because Mrak would never let me go to Leif alone, even if the information might prove invaluable.
I pulled out the sword design and ran my thumb over the ward against Mrak. All I wanted at this point was to be safe. For Willa to be safe. And for Mrak to be able to get home and save his people from his tyrant of a brother.
“I need to go,” I said as I stood from Willa’s couch. “I’ll destroy the ward after I talk to Leif.”
Willa’s eyes went wide. “He might arrest you, Aisling. Or take you in right to the Lunar League if he’s worried enough.”
“I know.” Gods, I did. “But I want out of this web. Leif might have knowledge on how to get the portal open quicker—although I won’t be able to frame it that way. At the very least, I might be able to tell them about Cassius’s new community and the danger they will present if the law decides to once again do nothing about a feeder community.”
“Aisling…”
“I know, Willa.” I was more than aware of the dangers closing in from all sides. Of the danger in me going to the Lunar League to wait until Leif arrived. But I needed to get what information he had and then make him not a threat anymore. “I don’t have to go into the Lunar League to find Leif. Just wait for him. That’s it.”
“And where will you go after if your workshop is destroyed?” she asked. “How will Mrak react when he realizes it was your ward that kept him at bay while you went to the Lunar League? It seems like neither of you exactly talks to the other about these things—things that matter.”
I wrung my hands together. Willa was right. Of course she was. Willa was always right. “We will talk, and he’ll understand what I’m doing to help him. Until then, I’ll have a little more freedom in my own body.”
And, with any luck, soon Mrak will have his own freedom in his.
