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CHAPTER 3
Chris
Ever since she found that mysterious document, Sam has been obsessed. I walk out to her desk at least once an hour to check on her and though sometimes she tries to hide it, I see her staring at that bill. Those two pieces of paper are beginning to take over her life.
She’s probably got the thing memorized by now. I don’t know what else she could possibly figure out from it. There’s no way of knowing what Don did for them. There’s nothing but two names and we’ve decided we can’t talk to either of them.
I’ll admit, it’s been hard only finding more questions than answers. But we’re not police officers or detectives. I have no idea what we’re doing.
It seems pointless, but if I take away Sam’s only possibility of helping her father, I’d be a terrible man. So instead, I’m going to do my best to support her. That includes her well being, which means taking a break from staring at the same screen.
“Sam? Could you come in here a minute?” I call from my desk. In less than a minute, her gorgeous self appears before me.
“Yes? You needed me?”
She doesn’t know quite how much. I stand and go to her, wrapping my hands around her waist. I kiss her deeply, the kind where we both forget to breathe. When we come up for air, her smirk is cataloged in the most precious memories in my mind.
“Well, what was that for?”
“It looked like you needed a break.”
“This is a break, then? I thought you weren’t supposed to do this sort of thing at work.”
I scoff. “Like we haven’t done this before. And no one is around to see anything. My door is shut, no one can hear us. Who cares!”
“I never thought I’d see the day when you were the one to throw caution to the wind.”
I push her tightly against my desk, pushing my body onto hers. We are like two puzzle pieces that fit together. All of ouredges and bumps line up perfectly. With my lips centimeters awayfrom hers, I whisper, “Better take advantage of it then.”
Our hands roam each other’s bodies. Her perfectly roundbreasts fill my palms. The weight of them comforting. I tighten myhands around her curves, feeling the warmth of her body on mine.
Her lips taste like the muffin she ate at her desk a few minutes ago. Blueberries and sugar, I can taste it on my tongue as Iexplore her mouth. Everything in me wants her. My arousal creepsup on me until I can’t push it away any longer.
Our clothes are flying off, I can’t resist pulling at the buttons on my shirt. Until our naked bodies are pressed up against each other. Her skin is warm and soft. I run my hands through her hair tugging her head back so I can kiss her neck. I hold her as I continue to kiss down her body. Her skirt is pulled up ever so slightly.
I tuck my head under it and begin to work on her. I feel her hands begin to grab at my hair. I finish her off and can feel her body release the tension. I’ve never wanted something more.
When I come back up to her lips, she’s desperately tugging at me. I can only focus on the movement of her hand. I know I want her, badly. But I can’t do this. I’m a pastor. I have morals, I’ve made a promise to wait until marriage.
“Wait, wait, wait.” I stop myself from doing anything I’ll regret later. I pull her hand from me and take a step back.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I… I can’t.”
“Okay, you’re right. We need to slow down. I understand.”
But she looks sad. Sam’s face drops and she begins to gatherher clothes from my desk. The look she gives me is heartbreaking. Like someone who’s giving up. I’ve always been worried that she would leave me over this. This would be the thing that would break us. It’s the only thing I can’t give her, at least not yet.
“Are you alright?” She nods, but her eyes tell me something’s wrong. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”
Finally, she says it. “I guess I’m just disappointed. I think of sex as a form of love. It’s expressing yourself. Showing your partner, a physical kind of love. So even though I know you want to wait until marriage, sometimes it’s hard for me. It’s hard to keep myself from doing that with you.”
I knew it. Our relationship is going flawlessly, but this might be the thing to stand in our way. It might be what breaks us. “I’m sorry. I know it’s a form of love, but I’ve made a promise. I can’t do something that goes against my religion. I’ve held myself to these beliefs for so long, I can’t just let go of them. I can’t just give them up to get something that I want. And trust me, I really, really want this.
I think it’s a precious form of love. And I want to keep it that way. It’s held sacred to me. I want to keep it for something special, like when I’m officially married.”
We dress in silence. I watch her cover her gorgeous body. The way her breasts peek through her shirt as she buttons it up is almost another excuse for me to tear it from her. Her clothes are finally back on, so are mine. She holds my hand. “And would that be an option for us? Some day… Marriage?”
“I hope so. That’s the plan anyway. I could see us getting married. I’m sorry. I wish I could have sex now. Trust me, I want to. I really… really want to. I just-”
“You can’t. I know. It’s just that sometimes I wish you could. Sometimes, I wish we could forget about all of that and just have each other. It’s a human desire to want to have sex. It’s always going to be in a healthy relationship. That’s all. We think of it differently. But I respect your views and I want you to feel comfortable with it. I want you to feel safe and confident in your decision. You should be able to feel good about it, not regret it afterward. I get it.”
Sam gives me a peck on the cheek and heads back to her desk. I wonder if someday this will be the thing she leaves me over. But for now, I’m glad she understands where I’m coming from. I’m glad she’s respecting me and my beliefs. It’s more than others have.
When I go to check on her moments later, she’s back at her desk staring at the document. I feel like I’ve failed her. There’s no way she’s spent this many hours looking through it and missed something. If I would have gone through with having sex, would she be in my arms right now instead of hunched over her desk reading again?
If I had gone through with it, would she love me more? Would I love her more? No, it’s not possible for me to love her more. Is this going to be her deal breaker? Is this what’s going to make her leave me for someone else? Someone better? Someone who can take care of her physical needs. Someone who’s not me.
I need to keep her, but I can’t lose myself in doing that. I take a deep breath and calm myself down. She is everything to me. I need to do anything I can to keep her.
