AllFreeNovel
Share Us
We lie together until we’re almost falling asleep, then he drives me home. We share a steamy kiss in his car before I head up to the deck and into my bedroom window.
I drop onto my bed.
Normally, this is when I would go debrief with Sarah, but I don’t quite know how I feel. I mean, I don’t regret it—doing it now or doing it with him. But I can’t shake the fact that it didn’t feel like I thought it would. I mean there was no orgasm, which I think can be normal whether it’s a first time or not. But I thought there would be sparks or an emotional connection, but there wasn’t. Ugh, I sound like a cheesy idiot. I’ve been reading too many romance novels.
I slide my shoes, coat, and cute dress off and get into my comfiest pajamas. I slide down into my bed and then grab one of those romance novels. Then I flip to my favorite sex scene, slide my hand below my waistband, and rub the area that was desperately aching for some attention tonight. But even that doesn’t quiet the complicated thoughts in my brain for long. And instead of falling into a blissful sleep, I toss and turn until I finally pass out.
I’m lying on Sarah’s bed. She and Mackie are sitting by her computer, talking about something, when I finally say, “I had sex with Davey.”
They both stop and turn to stare at me, then they both jump on the bed, a thousand things tumbling out of their mouths from shrieks of excitement to endless questions.
“Jeez, one at a time,” I say as Sarah grabs my arm and yanks me upright. I tuck my legs underneath me, sitting cross-legged.
“Okay,” Sarah says as she and Mackie calm themselves. “How was it?”
“And was he nice to you?” Mackenzie adds. “Because if he wasn’t—”
“He was nice,” I say. “It was actually very sweet. We had a super nice dinner at that steakhouse you love, and then he had his room all lit up with those fake candles and some other lights. We took it slow, and he kept checking in with me to make sure I was comfortable.”
“But?” Sarah asks, sensing my lack of enthusiasm.
“Once we finally got to doing it, it wasn’t as great as I imagined.”
“Well, it was your first time,” Mackie points out.
“Yeah, I mean my first time with Trevor kinda sucked,” Sarah notes. “But it’s gotten a lot better since then,” she adds with a naughty smirk.
I roll my eyes a little. I know it’s gotten better with them. I’veheardhow much better it’s been between them.Gross.
“Yeah, I know.” I huff out a sigh. “It wasn’tbad, but it wasn’t—”
“Orgasmic?” Mackie finishes for me.
“Well, yeah, but also… I don’t know. It wasn’t what I thought it would be. It’s not like I thought I’d suddenly fall in love with him, but you hear how people say sex can deepen the connection between people. I didn’t feel that way. I didn’t feel much of anything. Like, I can let the no orgasm thing slide.Mostly.But the rest of it has left me feeling confused. And annoyed at myself for reading so many romance novels. I think I had some unrealistic expectations.”
Sarah gently rubs her hand down my leg. “I don’t think it’s unrealistic to want to connect with him more through sex.”
“Or to want to have a killer orgasm.” Mackie smiles a wicked smile. I level my gaze at her and she rolls her eyes. “Okay, I know I haven’t had sex yet, but I amdefinitelyexpecting it whenever I do. And if he’s not doing that for you, maybe you need to communicate that.”
I bite at my cheek. “That’s the thing. Normally something like that wouldn’t freak me out, but the thought of talking about any of it now feels awkward. I don’t know. It’s so confusing. I never thought it would be some epic, mind-blowing experience, but I thought it would be more than this. I don’t fully understand why it’s not. That’s why I’m wondering if I got too caught up in the idea of it. I always wanted the big sweeping love story, romance novel shit.”
“Do you think Davey is that guy for you?” Sarah asks gently.
I shake my head a little. “No, probably not. But I thought we hadsomething. A spark, at least, that would still make the sex hot.”
“Maybe it means he’s not the right guy for you. I mean, hypothetically speaking, you want the big romance. How does Davey fit into that? If he’s not the guy, why stay with him? Maybe the right guy and better sex are out there,” Sarah points out.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I feel like most epic love stories don’t start in high school.”
“You’re right, some start under a slide when you’re nine years old,” Mackie deadpans as my mouth drops open.
“What is it with you guys and this Aaron thing? Why are you so obsessed with this idea?”
“We aren’t,” Sarah says. “It’s that, well—”
“We have eyes,” Mackie finishes for her.
And that hits me.
