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I lean up and give him a sexy kiss. One that leads to clothing being ripped off until I’m down to a sexy light pink lace bralette and matching underwear.
A moment later, I’m lying on his bed, and he’s on his hands and knees above me in nothing but his boxers, kissing all over my body. He gets to my cleavage and looks at me. I nod. He pulls my bralette over my head and drops it on the floor.
He kisses up my neck to my mouth, then stops and says against my lips, “Do you still want to?”
“Yes, I still want to.”
We share a long look as both of our faces pull into smiles.
He grabs a condom from his nightstand, then reaches down and slowly slides my underwear off.
This is it.
This is me about to lose my virginity.
Have sex for the first time.
Should I be nervous? I feel pretty good.
Calm. Safe. Bold.
Davey says I’m always bold, but he makes me feel bolder.
I take the condom from his hand and slide his boxers down. I push the condom on, and he slowly lowers himself down toward me.
He leans his head down toward mine, then he softly kisses my lips and says, “Tell me if anything is uncomfortable or if you want me to stop.”
I nod and kiss him.
And then. He pushes himself gently inside me.
He takes it slow, making sure I’m okay. It hurts for a few seconds, but then it feels good.
Once we feel comfortable, we start moving together. We move through a few different positions. Him on top, side by side, me on top—which seems to be both of our favorites. It’s definitely the one that has me yellingoh oh oh, the most. And while everything feels good, I can’t shake the feeling that it’s not what I was expecting.
He flips us so we’re lying side by side again. Our kissing feels different from usual, like it doesn’t quite line up. We’re constantly reaching for each other’s mouths but missing. And there’s also a whole part of my female anatomy feeling a bit neglected. I know it’s notonlythe guy’s job, so I’m slowly moving my hand down my body, when I feel his pace quicken. I try to move with him, but then he pumps faster and I feel him shudder as he moans. And then… it’s over.
Twenty-ish minutes and my first time is over.
And I feel… fine?
I don’t know.
It wasn’t exactly orgasmic.
But sex doesn’t have to be.
I just can’t shake the feeling that… it wasn’t what I was hoping it would be. I’m not even sure exactly why. I’m not sure if I’m disappointed. It didn’t feel how I was expecting it to feel.
But then I look over at Davey. He looks happy and content and he set this beautiful room up for me, so I give him my biggest smile, lean down and kiss him, and then say, “This was amazing. Thank you for making it special for me.”
He pulls me down next to him and into his arms. He kisses my forehead.
“I’m glad it was good for you.”
It’s not a question. And I don’t want to say it wasn’t. In fact, I feel awkward at the thought. It’s strange. Last night made me feel sexy and empowered. Tonight? I feel uncomfortable talking about it. Since I can’t say anything, I smile.
I feel so ungrateful. Because it was good, but it wasn’t… quite what I was expecting.
