AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Too busy? You’re not too busy to find love. Nobody is,” Savy says, twisting on the bleacher to face me.
Agitation creeps into my veins. “I appreciate your offer, but no. I have work, I have Theo. Those two things barely leave time for sleeping, let alone dating.” Lying about my feelings has become so natural I might believe it myself.
She squints at me as she chews on a piece of red licorice. I swear this woman houses a candy store in her pockets.
I catch Scarlett and Alistair coming up the bleachers, within earshot, and stretch my hand out as Savy slaps a gummy piece in my hand. “Just try it. It’s one night and if nothing comes of it, then nothing to worry about. Your one true love could be just around the corner.”
The candy sticks in my throat as I shove it in to avoid responding. Here’s the issue—the woman I love is already here, the one temptation I don’t want to escape, the one addiction I refuse to give up.
Stopping near me, Scarlett holds Alistair’s hand at her side and the other grips a bag of popcorn. Her shoulder-length blonde hair sways and her signature red lips widen in a smile as he hops over the metal seat like a rabbit.
I follow her slim fingers as they gracefully place her hair behind her ear, exposing her elegant neck. My gaze travels over the scoop neckline of her army green tanktop and ripped jeans down to her strappy sandals and pale pink manicured toes. Understated perfection. Her eyes twinkle and I gulp to hide the smile threatening to overtake my face and hope my heart isn’t beating out of my chest.
It’s true. I’m in love with my son’s mother. But she’s never been my lover. It’s far too late for us but try telling my feelings to read the memo. Hard to reconcile with the fact she’s my brother’s ex-fiancée whom I fathered a child with when I was incredibly and stupidly drunk. Nope, some things are better buried deep.
Preston stares at me, contemplative, but I ignore him. His intuition twin shit hones in on me and I can’t let him see my face.
“Who needs to try what?” Scarlett asks, out of breath, as she sits down in front of me, holding the bag of popcorn out for Alistair to take. Her lavender-infused perfume wafts in my direction and it takes all my restraint not to breathe in deep.
“Nothing. Uh, I gotta use the restroom before Theo’s up. Be right back.” I shoot to my feet and pound down the stairs, my boots thundering with each step I take.
I snag the tail end of Savy replying to Scar, or Turtle, as close friends call her, following the time she moved heaven and earth to save a tiny reptile from getting run over. She’s always been Scar to me, the perfect scar holding me together. “Oh, I was just telling Grey he needs to take care of those moles around the rock-climbing building. There’s this new technique the guys at the hardware store told me about.” Her voice trails off as I reach the bottom.
I really did need to use the restroom and once I’m done, I thread my fingers through the fence, observing the other kids practicing before their turn, their ropes slinging round and round in the air before wrapping around the neck of a dummy cow neck.
It’s getting harder and harder to deny to myself the feelings I have for Scarlett. They developed over time, sneaking up on me without my knowledge, and now I can’t look at her without wanting to pull her in for a real kiss on those lips. They’re soft. I’ve seen her kiss Theo’s cheeks hundreds of times, even mine get a peck or two and I’ve committed to memory her skin on mine no matter how platonic.
It can’t happen. It would be wrong on so many levels. It doesn’t matter if Preston is super happy with Savy and their kids. There are some things you just can’t do.
And now, my friend is shoving dating straight into my lap. Maybe I should take into consideration Savy’s speed-dating proposition. What do I honestly have to lose other than pride? Getting women isn’t hard for me. I’ve been told I’m attractive and funny, the ultimate duo—a date told me once—but I’m not that party-loving guy anymore, shooting back Jägerbombs until three in the morning. It fucked up my life on more than one occasion, and it’s been twelve years since my last drop of alcohol.
I finger the chip I carry around in my pocket. The smooth, cold metal reminds me of how far I’ve come. Also, reminds me of how dark the night is despite the stars.
Theo yells at me from across the arena, breaking through my heavy thoughts. “Dad!”
Lifting my head, I beam at my son in his gear, from his cowboy hat to his chaps. Gone is the boy who clomped around the house in my boots, sending dry mud all over the carpet. Replaced with this man-child on the cusp of young adulthood.
God, please don’t let me fuck this up. He’s all I got, the only legacy I’ll get. My chance to get this life right.
I wave at him and make my way back up the stairs, watching as all the people I love and care about cluster together to cheer on my main man. These people got upgraded from friends to family and I’m not taking it lightly.
The bleacher shudders when I sink my weight down on it. Scarlett turns her head toward me, a question clouding her clear blue eyes. Snagging my hand, she codes a message into it.
Dash, dot, dash, dash. Dash, dash, dash. dash, dot, dash.You ok?
Each tender movement of her finger registers as pain and pleasure. Pain at how she’s never going to be mine and pleasure at how her concern soothes the throb in my chest. This is our thing, our way of checking in on each other. We’ve been doing it ever since I left the bottle and remained on dry and sober ground. Her father taught her Morse code once he left the Navy, and she—being the only person who would ever give me homework during rehab—insisted I learn.
Unable to be transparent, I reply as I take my hand back, steering the conversation to a safe topic, “I’m good. Just nervous for Theo.”
The speaker snaps and cracks with interference as Theo’s name blares from the mouthpiece. “Theodore Lee, age twelve, best average time 10.2 seconds.”
I white knuckle the edge of the bleacher and hold my breath as Theo flies out of the chute astride his horse. Bouncing but stable, he flings his rope into the air and shoots it across to the squealing young calf. The rope slides effortlessly over the neck of the squirming animal and it accepts defeat when it can’t escape.
“Yes!” I cry out as the timer stops and the crowd cheers at his score—10.1. Theo yeehaws and exits the arena after throwing a big thumbs up in our direction.
Scarlett claps her hands before cupping her hands around her mouth like a megaphone, shouting, “That’s my baby! Yes!” Laying a hand on my knee, she squeezes it, giving me her widest, most beautiful smile. “He’s going to win this thing. I can feel it.”
I can feel it too, except not what she’s thinking. I’m confident in Theo. I always have been. What I sense in my gut is the urge to keep my family together and whole forever. Which means leaving my feelings for Scarlett alone and forgetting about them. It’s not worth losing my family over.
