Page 12 of If I Were Wind

“It should be me who decides what dangers I want to face, shouldn’t it?”

“It should.” The rough pad of his thumb stroked my wrist, scattering my thoughts. “As it’s my decision to pick the persons I want to work with.”

“And I’m not one of them.”

He released my hand and held the steering wheel instead. “No.”

That curt ‘no’ chilled the atmosphere inside the car more than the winter’s frost. On one hand, he had a point. My training at Raven Park had just begun. I didn’t have a partner to merge with. My experience in fighting was still ongoing. I’d never handled a gun. Roy’s job required highly trained and skilled people, and I wasn’t one of them. He and Pierre, the representative of the French da Vinci’s beasts in Berlin, had rescued me from a prison the SS had thrown me in. Not the type of complication Roy needed in a job that was all about keeping a low profile, and maybe a professional wouldn’t have been caught. Still, I’d followed his work from the beginning, helping him with my knowledge of the German language. I could be of help. I could be with him.

“I guess someone like Norma is the type of companion you’re looking for.” Lashing out those words and regretting them happened at the same time.

Norma was a Hollywood-actress type of beauty spy who lived in Berlin. Sophisticated and clever, she was the anti-Kristin for all intents and purposes. A stunner with the skills of an assassin and the brain of a rocket scientist. Too perfect to be likeable. Or to not be envied. Although she’d helped my friend Shoshanna and her family escape from Berlin. I owed her that. Did I mention she was Roy’s ex-lover? At least I thought their relationship was over.

Roy slowed the car and threw me a warning glance. “Norma speaks five languages fluently. She’s one of the best snipers I know, and has a network of loyal professional forgers who have been useful on more than one occasion. She also smuggles money, weapons, and people with the same ease as she wears perfumes. She can kill with her bare hands and isn’t bad with a blade, either. So yes, she’s the type of person I want to work with.”

Thanks for showing off Norma’s impressive résumé. I huffed. “Are you going to work with her for this new mission?”

Another glance from him. “Perhaps. Why?”

The question ‘is she your lover?’ burned on the tip of my tongue. I might have eavesdropped, not on purpose of course, on a conversation between them, during which they’d talked rather intimately about their past. I shrugged. “Just curious.”

“We aren’t having an affair,” he said in a serious tone.

“I didn’t ask you that.” But I’m glad to know it.

A corner of his mouth quirked up. “I’m volunteering the information. Norma and I had a relationship years ago, but it’s over.”

Over. I liked that word. “Why?”

A low chuckle rumbled out of him. “Always curious.”

“Yes, now that we’ve established that, answer please.” Did I want to hear about his former lover? It’d hurt, but I wanted to know him better, and what mistakes Norma and Roy had made in their relationship.

He smiled, the lines on his brow softening. “Norma liked to provoke me, to make me jealous by flirting with other chaps. She let them kiss her and touch her when she knew I was watching, just for the pleasure of making me furious. It bloody worked. Foolishly enough, I fell for her tricks. It was her way of controlling and manipulating me. But after a while, I got tired of her games. I wasn’t in love with her, so why should I have to put up with her shenanigans?”

I pulled the blanket up to my chin. “I didn’t think you were the possessive type.”

“Seriously?” His brow spiked with surprise.

“You’re always so controlled.” It sounded like an insult. “A jealous man would be…wilder.”

His brow went further up. “Let’s make something quite plain, then. I’m very possessive and bloody jealous. I’m also a controlling bastard. Suspicious and slow to forgive. I want everything from my partner. Everything, not just her body, but her heart, her mind, and her time. Won’t settle for less because I’d offer the same.” The air vibrated with the intensity in his voice. If he was trying to scare me, it wasn’t working because I would be happy to give everything to him.

He worked his jaw. “I’m not proud of it, but that’s who I am, and that’s another reason why I find it hard to have a stable relationship. Sooner or later, I ruin everything with my behaviour and end up hurting people. Or people hurt me. It’s better to be alone.”

My beast gave an inner growl of anger. I snuggled into the blanket and let the green expanse of the English countryside soothe my foul mood. I wasn’t even sure why I was so upset. “It’s because Clare—”

“I don’t want to talk about Clare.” Frost thickened in the car.

All right. I cleared my throat. “I think you’re wrong.”

“About what?”

“Being alone. Norma played with your feelings. It doesn’t mean that every woman would do the same.”

“It’s not just Norma.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I would’ve been jealous even if she hadn’t teased my weak side. I need to be in control. All the time.”

“That’s a sign of insecurity.”

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