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She wasn’t all spoiled rich kid, and she was going to prove it. She could flagrantly deny the five second rule, eat things she’d dropped on the ground, depending on where the ground was. She worked her buns off getting where she was getting because what she was doing mattered, but Jos needed more than that. She needed to see that Eden was willing to stand up for her when she had to. That she was willing to fight for her when it mattered. That she wanted to see Jos the way Jos didn’t let other people see her.
She wasn’t sure how to fully get there, all the way under Jos’ skin, but she was going to keep trying. It was a darn good thing she was tenacious, and that quitting wasn’t an option. Maybe one day Jos would see it that way too.
Until then, Eden would just deal with the amount of raw, chaffing need she felt every single time Jos was near. She’d continue to come alive and have to keep supressing it. She wouldn’t melt into a puddle of unfulfilled desire. She could keep working together, keep being professional. She wouldn’t implode.
She’d keep chipping away at all that ice Jos had encased herself in over the years until she thawed and let her in.
Chapter 16
Jos
Jos was breathing an uncharacteristic sigh of relief after stepping off set for the night. She pulled out her earpiece and headed towards her dressing room. She’d spent an entire sleepless night after the burger with Eden.
Annoyed at her own inner conflict, at the voices and thoughts she couldn’t silence, she’d finally gotten out of bed at six in the morning, giving up on sleep. She’d worked out in her home gym for two hours, hoping she could exhaust herself and silence her mind with physical exercise. She’d hit the shower and tried a nap, but she was still too restless to sleep. By then, her bedroom was illuminated with sunlight no matter how tightly she closed the blinds.
She needed blackout curtains, that’s what she needed.
When was the last time she’d lost sleep over anything or anyone?
Jos actually knew the answer to that. When Sandra left, she’d slept just fine. Her thoughts were messy and disordered and her life was plunged into chaos—and she didn’t like it—but she’d always been able to fall asleep after an hour and sleep soundly.
After she’d gotten home from the hospital, after the miscarriage, she hadn’t slept, but that was entirely different. She wasn’t restless then. Just sad down to the marrow of her being. The sadness felt like she was sick. She was exhausted. She ached. Her body had been through something terrible, but even after she healed, that sadness lingered. Often, it was that exhausted grief that drove her to find the blackest parts of sleep so she could escape from it.
Whatever was going on with her now was different than anything she’d felt before.
She couldn’t wait to get to her dressing room, change into her clothes, and head out for the night. She was exhausted, but she also felt strangely exhilarated and at war with herself, which meant she was probably in for hours of tossing and turning. She hated the contradiction. How could her body be so tired and yet her mind still refuse to shut the heck up?
It was only made worse when Eden passed by her in the hallway. She turned her head and smiled at her as she went next door, shutting herself into the adjoining dressing room. The studio wasn’t huge like some were. They didn’t have personal assistants and there wasn’t a mad rush of people ready to do their bidding. After San Jose’s Evening Edition was over, there usually wasn’t much action going on until ten, when the late-night staff came in, a
nd then much later, around three in the morning when people arrived for the morning positions.
Jos breathed deeply, telling herself that she wasn’t inhaling Eden’s scent. She wore the most delicate perfume. Whatever it was, it smelled like flowers, and it blended with her shampoo, which was unusually fruity. Tropical. Rare flowers. Rare tropical flowers. That’s what she was like. Like going to an island getaway somewhere where there were no people and no problems and just endless greenery surrounded by turquoise waters and blue skies.
Are you kidding me? Who are you?
Jos made it to the safety of her dressing room and shut the door behind her. A rack stood on the far end with different outfits wrapped in their dry-cleaning sleeves. Her own clothes were hung on two different hangers on the rack, but instead of walking to it and retrieving them, she collapsed into one of the two hard leather and chrome chairs by the door.
She leaned forward, dropping her head in her hands. Her eyes stung from lack of sleep, but her brain was relentless. It tormented her with everything she couldn’t stop thinking about the night before.
What was Eden Rutherford doing to her? She was dangerous. She stirred up a mire of emotions that Jos wasn’t ready to deal with or admit that she even felt. It wasn’t just easy to like Eden. Everyone liked Eden. She was sweet, outgoing, kind, motivated, driven, and had an infectious laugh to match her personality. It was more than that.
When Jos talked to Eden, she got this strange sense that Eden would understand. If she told her anything, she’d understand. When she was with Eden, Jos knew that she was seen. She was heard, and she was accepted the way she was without having to be anything else. Eden saw under the layers. Eden saw into the past. Eden saw into the future. She was like no one Jos had ever met.
It was so much more than the fact that they were physically compatible on a level that Jos had never experienced. Even there, Eden made Jos want things she had never wanted with someone else. She made her want to let down her guard and be tender. She’d never made love to another person in her life, but she found herself wondering what it would be like with Eden.
Eden made Jos question everything she’d built for herself. Her career. Her safe life. Her normal life. Eden was dangerous. She was the newer, younger, prettier, thirstier, better connected, kinder Jos, and it was so obvious that she’d be hosting any show that was lucky enough to have her for years and years. Long after Jos was gone.
Jos should dislike her. She should be wary of her. She absolutely should not be wanting to spend more time with the woman who had been brought in to one day kick her out. Her head was still on the chopping block, but for once, Jos found it hard to care.
She found it hard to focus on her job and career when she wanted to think about someone else. About Eden Rutherford. She’d come into Jos’ life and turned everything upside down. She was bringing Jos to life again. Making her thaw out. Making her feel again. It hurt. It felt like real pain, both mental and physical. And yet, she felt strangely herself, strangely at peace, even when her body was a battleground of conflicted thoughts and twisting emotions.
What is happening to me?
Eden made Jos want things. That was probably the most dangerous part of everything. Jos knew that if she wasn’t careful, she’d take a blind step right off the precipice she was standing on.
A soft knock at her door ripped her from her thoughts. She was slammed back into her body, which was currently melted into the hard chair at an awkward angle. Her head snapped up too hard and she had to reach back and rub between her shoulders as fire shot up the column of her neck. She barely managed to suppress a groan as she got out of the chair and walked to the door.
She pulled it open. and when she found Eden there leaning against the doorjamb in a pair of dark skinny jeans rolled up at the ankles, a set of black ankle boots with blocky heels that made her already statuesque figure that much taller, and a dark blue blouse that was the perfect color for her flawless complexion and dark hair, her mouth went bone dry.
