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After Jos was done, she looked broken but determined, and Eden had been determined to show her with her body what Jos probably wasn’t ready to hear in words yet. She made love to her for hours before they’d showered together, a shower that Eden wouldn’t ever forget, and they’d left for the studio at the same time.
Eden had been worried about Jos’ car, parked out there on the street, since broken windows and stolen items were a regular occurrence, but it had survived another night.
Now, she was on set, waiting for Jos. Jos was never late and the cameramen and crew gathered around to make the magic happen knew that. There was a murmuring echo already going through everyone behind the scenes. They had a start time, and they were live with a few seconds’ delay.
Jos walked out at the last possible minute. She looked like a queen, wearing her own clothes. She’d gone home to change into something more comfortable after leaving Eden’s apartment. She was wearing jeans, which Eden was surprised to find that Jos even owned, and a white blouse. She stepped up on set, in flats no less, and took the seat across from Eden.
More than a few jaws hit the floor. There was no time for them to haul Jos off the set and have her get changed. Her makeup was natural, her hair basically untouched after the shower. She looked raw and fresh and absolutely lovely. Eden’s heartrate picked up, but it wasn’t from nerves. It was all Jos.
They got the signal, no matter how rushed and also reluctant it might be because no one knew what was going on, and they started rolling. The teleprompter came on and Eden did the intro to the show while Jos sat across from her, one knee crossed over the other in a causal and relaxed pose.
When it was her turn to speak, Jos ignored the teleprompter completely. Eden’s chest felt like it was full of a raging wind storm. Screw the butterflies, she was going to get blown away by her own emotions. She had so much anxiety and adrenaline that it was going to make her keel over.
Jos started speaking and her strong, clear voice grounded Eden. Jos was looking right into the camera, but Eden was looking at her, giving her silent support and willing her to be strong, even if she didn’t look like she needed it.
“I want to thank everyone for their support over the years,” Jos started. “This city has been so good to me. People have been so good. You’ve supported me and made it possible for me to have the career that I’ve had. I’ve enjoyed this job more than I can say, but I also have to say that the Jos Frank the world thinks they know is basically a lie.”
There were actual gasps from behind the cameras and the lights, but what could anyone do? Shut off the camera and stop the broadcast?
“The truth is…” Jos paused. She blinked. She didn’t look at Eden, but it was clear to her that she wanted to. “The truth is that I have only ever told one person the truth about me. The whole, entire truth. I vowed that the public would never know that part of me. I thought that being someone else meant keeping myself safe because I wouldn’t have to revisit those memories. That somehow, if I didn’t go back there, they couldn’t hurt me. That they were the past and the past was done, but that was a lie. They still hurt me. Every single day. Every single day, I am still a scared child waiting for the pain.”
It was more than just stunned gasps now and gaping people. There was someone running off set. Someone who could easily be heard on camera, but they didn’t care.
“There are so many children out there, in foster care, adopted, or not in foster care at all, who live with hunger, fear, and abuse on a regular basis. Who live with the product of violence. Who know true terror more than they will ever know a real childhood. I was one of those children.”
Jos paused, letting that sink in.
“There were times in my life where I didn’t think I was going to survive. I actually thought I was going to die. Terror like that stays with a person. Forever. I was in foster care and then was eventually adopted. The family was loving on the outside. Normal. They were like heroes in the community. I’m telling you that if you see something that doesn’t look right, ask questions. Ask the hard questions. Do the work. Don’t just turn your back and do nothing. Apathy is the hardest thing you will ever have to swallow. For me, it’s not the pain. It’s the shame. Shame that I allowed these things to happen to myself. That I never spoke up. That I lived in fear and never told a soul. I’m forty-three years old and I have never told anyone, until yesterday.”
This time, Jos did look at Eden. She gave her the gentlest, encouraging smile and that was all it took. Jos turned back to the camera and said what she needed to say.
“I never told anyone how three of my fingers were broken by being pulled back too far, back and back until they snapped. I’ve never told anyone that I was forced to sleep in the dirt crawl space under the house. That I was starved to the point where my body started to shut down, then fed so much that it was dangerous. That food was a weapon and a tool that was used against me and the other kids in that house. I never told anyone that the scar I have on the inside of my thigh wasn’t from an accident. It was from being tossed through a glass window. I believed all the lies I was told. That if I said anything about the bruises that were so strategically placed, they weren’t visible, that I’d be the one to pay. That I’d go back into the system and there were worse things out there. I believed that being locked in a closet for three days straight because I had stayed home ‘sick’ was somehow my penance because I had done something wrong.
“When I turned eighteen, I left and never went back. I was one of the youngest, but I still left my foster sister behind, and another girl. That woman didn’t spare any of her punishments for her own blood. I’d like to ask their forgiveness. That I didn’t do anything. That I never did anything. I had older foster siblings and I’m sorry to them too. That I’ve never contacted them to ask if they were okay. I’ve kept myself apart from everyone. I buried the past and I reinvented myself. I’d like to think that they watch me sometimes, and they see that I’m successful and thriving and they cheer because that’s for all of us. She didn’t break me. I’m still here. But I’m not.
“I was living half a life. I’ve clung to this job like it could save me. I have never allowed myself to care about anyone else, not really. Never get attached. Never let your guard down. Never have feelings or emotions because that is a weakness. I was wrong. That’s not the way to live life. That’s cowardice. Not feeling anything at all? That’s not strength.
“So, if possible, I want my story to help all of those out there who are struggling. I want to give a voice to those who can’t speak out. There are people who can help. And to all the victims of abuse out there, whatever your age, I want to say that I’m sorry for your pain and that you’re not alone. Suffering in silence is the worst thing you can do. There are places and people who will help. If this ever makes it to broadcast, there will be a list of numbers on the screen and on our website. I also want to announce that I’m going to be stepping back from being in the public eye and focusing on healing and finding happiness. I have made more money in my lifetime than I knew what to do with it, but I know what I’ll do with it now. Support these places that are listed, because I believe in them and the work they do. Thank you for supporting me over the years.”
Jos stood just as Alden came careening around the corner. He stared her down, chest heaving. Not even he would jump up on set, on camera, or tear it away. He would lay into Jos in her dressing room or corner her in his office, but now that he knew it was no good, Eden could see the anger in him at having lost like this.
Jos hadn’t been sticking it to him or the studio or anyone else. She’d been telling her story the way it needed to be told. She wanted to help anyone else that she could, inspire people with her message. She wanted change. She wanted what happened to her to never happen to another child again. She knew she couldn’t stop it and that change was hard and slow, but she wanted this moment, this last chance. She’d gotten it, and Alden couldn’t stop it, and that felt like a loss for him, even though it wasn’t a one upping situation.
Eden slowly slid off her headpiece and detached the equipment from the back of her pants. She stood up on those towering heels that were hell on her feet, and she walked off the set. She didn’t stop until she went right past Alden and put the equipment in his hands. “I also quit. And I’m not sorry for it.”
She kicked off those godforsaken shoes and left the set, left Alden and everyone else behind. She walked down the hall to their dressing rooms, where Jos was waiting. She had her purse slung over her shoulder and that was it. That was all she was taking, all she wanted from this place. Eden ducked into her dressing room, changing quickly into her own clothes and her own blessedly comfortable shoes. She met Jos back out in the hallway.
“Jos, you stop right there!” Alden’s voice boomed down the hallway as he sprinted towards them. “You think you can pull this shit and everything will be okay? I will make sure you never work in this city, or this country, or anywhere else every again. Not in this industry. You are done being a journalist.”
Jos just rolled her eyes. She’d spent a lifetime giving everything she had to this place, and it was so painfully obvious now that even though she’d loved her job and made it her priority, this was always how it was going to end. Well, maybe not like this, but she was always going to leave with so much less than she’d given. Empty handed in a way that was heartbreaking.
“You do that, Alden,” she said dryly. “I think you’ll find that your influence doesn’t extend nearly as far as you think it will. Thank everyone for everything, and I really mean that. I’m going to enjoy working freelance from now on.”
Eden didn’t need to say anything, even though she was tempted. She tucked her hand in Jos’ and together they walked out of the building. They didn’t stop until they were in the parking lot, standing in front of Jos’ car.
“You were so freaking brave in there and I’m so proud of you,?
?? Eden told her. “More than proud. I am so excited to start whatever it is that we’re starting. Together. This is your life now.”
