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She frowned. “I do love him. And I know he loves me. But I’ve grown accustomed to having certain liberties. The LLS, even our liaison. I hate keeping secrets like this, but I must. I’m not letting go of you. Not yet.”
For all the strength of his big arms, they trembled around her now.
“There’s pain in keeping the secret,” she admitted. “But there’s even more pain inhavingto keep the secret. To know there are things about me so objectionable and unacceptable that I won’t be loved if they’re exposed.” She rolled onto her side so she could look into James’s eyes. “It wasn’t easy sharing what I do with the LLS. But it’s a relief to tell you. Does it change…?”
He frowned. “Change what?”
“What you think of me?”
His eyes widened, and she forced herself to watch as he chose his words carefully.
When his fingertips tenderly stroked the hair at her temple, she knew such relief that she sagged into the mattress.
“Itdoeschange what I think of you, Clara.”
She froze.
“No, not like that. I’ve made no secret of my experience with your class. Do you think before I met you I could have imagined a lady, the sister of an earl, befriending ladybirds, caring for them without judgment? Nay. Not before you.”
She turned his face into his hand. “You don’t disapprove? Not even of the residents themselves?”
“No, and no, lass.”
She finally closed her eyes, exhaustion overtaking her.
“You look pale,” he said, sounding worried, and kissed the corner of her mouth.She didn’t respond—she only turned into him so that he could hold her again.
“Were you truly already abed when I called?”
She nodded, and when she yawned, they both laughed.
“The only way you’ve disappointed me is by denying me another bird tour downstairs,” he teased. “Never in my life have I seen so many in one place, not even in a tree. I felt all of their eyes on me that night I waited for you.”
“When I came into the parlor, you had picked up one of the birds. Do you remember that?Suchimproper behavior.” She clucked her tongue.
“Nowyousound like a bird. In any case, was that my most indecorous behavior?”
Clara made a small sound in her throat, but she was nearly asleep.
“Sleep.” He kissed her temple and tucked her more deeply into the crook of his shoulder.
She smiled faintly at James’s scent and his warm skin under his shirt.
He was here, and he even knew of Violet House.
She drifted off to sleep, finally back in his arms.
∞∞∞
James lay with Clara’s softness draped over him, her even breath gracing his neck. He’d lost count of how many times he’d held her like this and fought sleep, just in case it was the last time.
It was a familiar effort, yet something was different now after her revelation. Whatever her protestations about not ending their relations yet, the tension in her body and the heartbreak in her voice were clear when she spoke of her burden.
A woman with a heart like Clara’s couldn’t maintain this arrangement. At some point, she was going to choose her brother.
Every passing day passed brought them closer to that moment—even as it meant he was only more infatuated. Every dimension of her revealed was another appreciated, and learning of her charity was no exception.
He remembered well the motivation that propelled him through David Chadbourne’s front door all those months ago, but he couldn’t help but wonder what forces beyond his understanding had been at play. However jaded he was, he didn’t relish an existence in which mere happenstance brought a treasure like Clara into his life.
