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“I know,” he said brokenly. Swallowing, he settled back onto his haunches. There was only one way through this—forward through the fire. “You know I stopped keeping Viscount Haughley’s company after we married, except for at the fencing club. But I was low yesterday and accepted an invitation to his box at the theater.” He went on to relay a brief but truthful version of the night’s events. “It was a grave error on my part. One I shall never make again. But I did learn something important from it. There is no other woman for me but you, Bea.”
Sobbing softly, she finally met his gaze. “I have been your wife for ten years, but it took a night at the Venus for you to know you want me? Even if what you say is true, half of London knows where you were. With whom. The other half will know by tomorrow.Your mother knew!”
It would hardly ruin his reputation, for such behavior was not only common, it was expected—but he knew it pained Bea. It was typical enough for ladies to seek their pleasures outside their marriage as well, and the very thought made him furious and ill. “I can only imagine how it would feel to find out you’d been with another gentleman. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for bringing shame upon us.”
“Over a decade, William. That’s how long I waited for today. For the moment when you would finally want all of me. I was afool!A fool to have cared for so long! To have believed you this morning!”
“Youcanbelieve me! I do want—“
“When you rejected me there”—her luminous brown eyes went to her bed—“it hurt. I felt as though something was wrong with me. This new hurt is different. Going to that den of debauchery and letting yourself be fondled in public? You’ve humiliated me!”
“I know,” he acknowledged as calmly as he could. He wouldn’t demean her by disagreeing.
“Everyone knows! Every guest who will visit this house! My friends! The ladies whoaren’tmy friends and who will gossip!”
“That matters, I know. But what mattersmoreBea, isus! We can—”
She launched herself from the chair. “Leave my chamber. Leave mealone. As you did for ten years!”
Fear and anger brought him to his feet.Damn it!“You told me to go find a mistress!” As soon as the words were out, he regretted them, and he said so.
“We have both made mistakes, haven’t we?” she asked quietly. “My greatest one was wishing for something I shouldn’t. To expect more than I ought. We have both been clods, but I won’t be any longer. All along, you have asked for our marriage to be like everyone else’s. By going to the Venus, that’s what you’ve chosen again. That’s what you shall have.”
William would have preferred a wave of anger over this sad resignation. Was she truly so disappointed in him, he could never recover in her eyes? “What does that mean?”
“One day, I’ll find a way to be your Marchioness again. To host your dinner parties. To embroider your handkerchiefs.”
He swallowed. “One day?”
“This parliamentary session is almost over. You’ll have to find your way through it yourself. As soon as I can arrange it, the children and I will be leaving for Candleton Hall for the summer. I’ll recover and return by fall.”
“I’ll follow as usual, after the session, and we can—”
“I can’t prevent you from doing that. I understand you have your duties at the Hall, and there are the children, of course. But, my lord, you must temper your expectations. The new understanding we reached this morning as to”—she raised her chin—“the nature of our marriage is no longer valid. Had I known about your indiscretion, I would not have agreed to it. I wish it no longer.”
“Ido!I live for the day you will again!”
“I hope I never do, William,” she said fervently. “How can I ever trust you? Were you ever going to tell me about last night?”
He chose honesty, however ugly or dangerous. “I don’t know. I wanted to forget it myself.”
“I never will!”
“Good God, Beatrice, give me another chance! I’ll make it right. I’ll earn your trust again. I—“
“You! You! You! You!You!It’s all you can think of! Yourself! You’re only sorry you were caught!”
He shook his head.I’m sorry I hurt you!“I—“
She screamed and threw her handkerchief to the floor. “Every sentence you utter starts with ‘I’ andIhave had enough of that! Leave my sight!”
Understanding that pressing his case further in the heat of the moment would only do harm, William left her chamber. Whenever he caught so much as a glimpse of her afterwards, he prayed for an opening—not even a softening, but any indication she would listen to him—and found none.
He hoped against hope that she would experience a change of heart about leaving for Candleton Hall, but all their further interactions showed otherwise. Bea took her meals without him and busied herself preparing for travel and to leave the household in good order during her absence.
Three days later, she uttered a most polite farewell to him in front of the children and servants before climbing into the carriage. He knew it was for the children’s sake she had found it within herself to do so, and while he was grateful in part, it devastated him.
“I’ll join you in two months’ time,” he promised, pulling Miriam, Edmund, and Isabella close. Afterwards, he held Benjamin, his throat closing. At this age, so much would change in two months. “I’m sorry I’ll miss your first birthday. You’ll be walking when I see you next, I wager,” he whispered to the boy. “I know it’s a great deal to ask, but you need to take good care of her for me.”
Ben grabbed his nose, and he laughed, but minutes later, watching the carriage pull away, he was only pretending to smile with good cheer as he waved at the children until he couldn’t see their faces anymore.
