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She covered his hands, still cradling her cheeks, with hers. “Oh, William.”
“You’re the light in this family, Bea. The one who shows us where we need to go. I simply have ideas. Principles. I was dedicated to the repeal of the Corn Laws, but you were the architect who showed me how to persuade enough Lords to vote against their own personal interests. We did that together.”
“We have done a great deal together,” she acknowledged with a proud smile. He had always been able to express his gratitude for her as a mother. As a wife to a politician. But as a woman…? “William, you are a man of many parts. I love you, so I love all of them. You’re a husband. A father. A statesman. A fencer. A lover,” she said, her voice wobbling on the word, even as she pushed through it. “I have accepted all your parts. Even the snoring bear.”
They laughed, but she saw her words weren’t lost on him.
“I pushed you away as a lover. As a woman,” he said, his expression stark, and he dropped his hands where they curled into fists on his lap. “When I say it aloud, I can hear what a bloody fool I’ve been.”
“It hurt. I’ve been so angry with you. That’s not how I want to live. I can’t forget, but I will find a way to forgive. But if we were to…resume our”—she raised an eyebrow—“conjugal affections, I need you to understand something.”
“Yes?”
“I am a woman of many parts. To love me is to accept them all.”
Love shone in his gaze. “Even the purring kitten?”
“Yes, even that,” she said with a smile, then sobered. “You made quite clear your fears that I cannot remain the kind woman and mother you wish me to be if by night, I’m…”
His eyes closed. “I’m so ashamed, Bea. I’m sorry.”
“We don’t need for you to be ashamed. Sorry is enough. I don’t want any more shame in our marriage!”
Swallowing, he moved closer and trailed a finger over her cheek. “I want to be the man you deserve. That you need.”
“Then you have to know this. If you harbor the fear any longer that I cannot be wholesome by day and carnal at night, you truly are a fool. Yes, I am Lady Beatrice, Marchioness of Candleton. I’ve birthed and raised our children. Helped your career. But since our wedding night, I havewantedyou.”
She allowed herself a liberty she never had before. Without concealing her brazen interest, her gaze took in her husband’s body. Last night, he said that her virtues shone like the sun, but now it was her stare exuding heat. Yes, he wore a dinner jacket and cravat, but she had seen him in his nightshirt over the years, enough to know the sinew and skin and flesh underneath. Enough to know she wanted to see all of him. Feel all of him.
God help her, even after everything, she wanted exactly what he had so fervently expressed. “Every. Damn. Thing. Every drop of everything within me. Within you.”
Perhaps it was risky. He could change his mind. She supposed that after all these years of building up the possibilities in her mind, she could even be disappointed by the reality of being full lovers. What if she couldn’t, after all, come with him as she did by herself?
There is but one way to find out.
She sat up straighter and met his eyes once more. “The sweet Bea who has cradled your babes and planned your dinner parties is the same Bea who has touched her own breasts and wished you were. Who has come by herself in the darkest part of night, wishing it was your fingers or your rod making her moan instead. I have mopped your brow when you’ve been feverish, fretted over your temperature. But I’ve also wanted you hot and sweaty atop me. Nothing between us and your hardness inside of me. That Bea has always existed and always shall. The only question is whether you can allow yourself to welcome and love her, too.”
William’s nostrils flared as he breathed, his chest rising and falling as the impact of her pronouncement landed. Silence elongated between them, but the evening breeze rattled the terrace doors off the drawing room and the house creaked.
The husband who slowly pressed her back against the settee was the one she had longed for all those years. Eyes darkened with passion and love. One who saw all of her and came closer. A whimper escaped her when he let her take some of his weight, his heavy thighs pressing into hers through her skirts.
“I haven’t done right by you in some important ways. But by God, that changes now,” he said, almost growling the words.
Every bit of air escaped her lungs and she pulled him closer…but her hands froze against him. She wanted nothing between them, yet the specter of the letter-filled box loomed over her suddenly. “I need to know, William. Is there anything else in those letters, or in our past, I should know? Any…hurts? Like the Venus?”
He sat up and away from her, but he took her hand. “I promised you we would make our way through those letters, didn’t I? That I would build your trust.”
“Justtellme, William! Before the Venus, were you ever with another woman during our marriage?”
His face fell. “No, Bea. Never.”
“Not—not even during our…conjugal estrangement? Before we conceived Isabella?” A year and half had passed without them sharing the marriage bed.
“No. God, Bea, I see why you would ask. I do. But from the night we met, I’ve only ever wanted you. You know of what transpired at the Venus. That mistake was, is, the only one of its kind. There’s only you for me, Bea. Only you.”
The relief was so heady, she felt almost dizzy, and she closed her eyes for a time. When she recovered, fatigue pulled at her. It felt like a lifetime of emotions had been woven into two days. “It’s time for me to retire for the evening. Tonight meant a great deal, and I’m grateful.”
She accepted his arm and he escorted her most properly up the stairs and to her chamber door. Her lady’s maid rose from the chair within the room, where she had dozed while awaiting Beatrice. Glancing from her maid to her husband, she smiled, having made a sudden decision—at least about her nearest future.
“The excursion you and Augustus are planning with the children tomorrow? I—I shall join you, after all,” she announced quietly.
William’s smile was a warm reward, but the warmest was when he kissed her lips goodnight.
