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Chapter Twenty-Eight
As soon as Helen woke for the day—even before she opened her eyes—she felt the absence of the oppressive cloud that had swathed her existence of late. The summer-weight bed sheets felt smooth against her bare skin, and the mattress was soft under her hips. When she stretched, her muscles were sore from yesterday’s exertion; rolling onto her stomach evoked a more pleasant tenderness between her thighs.
A cascade of knowledge poured over her, as it had every morning for the last month.
Elijah was dead.
She was nearly destitute.
Decisions needed to be made soon about her future.
But there were more realizations today—last night she and Nicholas had coupled...fully.
Twice!
And it hadn’t been during her monthlies.
Sensing that Nicholas was no longer in bed with her, it didn’t surprise her to find his spot empty. She ran her fingertips over the indentation in his pillow before settling her palm into it.
God, how I love him.
Later, she would worry about the potential consequences of their impetuousness last night; for now she sank into thankfulness. She had experienced loss and tragedy before, but for the first time in her life, they had also come with utter beauty. She had lost everything but experienced genuine friendship from the Siderises…and more with Nicholas.
Pulling his pillow to her chest, she hugged it and breathed in his scent. For nigh on a month, her body had ceased all but the most necessary functions. He’d held her with as much tenderness during those times as all the others before, even though they hadn’t shared other physical intimacies. His kindness and patience had abounded.
But last night, when she’d needed something different from his usual restraint, he’d given that to her. Joining bodies, she’d felt complete. Desired to the core. In his typical fashion, he had intuited her needs, transporting her along a plane of fiery passion.
As she rose and went about her day, she thought a great deal about Nicholas, his family, and Mr. Hughes—and it was a relief to do so. To feel again, to consider others and care about the world’s goings-on once more.
After breakfast, she sat down at the desk in the back parlor where Mr. Hughes’s sealed letter had sat for weeks.It is time, she decided.
Elijah had been a man of many parts, including what the Admiralty had seen as impudence. She wouldn’t forget his brashness or flaws, but it was gratifying to read Mr. Hughes’s kind and detailed recollections about her brother and know that someone else remembered his goodness, too. It gladdened her, even relieved her, that she was not alone in carrying Elijah’s memory in her heart. Perhaps she was the last alive to have survived her family, but her brother’s life had touched many, and he would be remembered.
Mr. Hughes’s formal offer of marriage gave rise to a swirl of expected and unexpected emotions. He noted he had greatly enjoyed deepening their acquaintance on their weekly turns through the park sinceAlacrity’sdeparture, and though he could be no more than her friend in marriage, it would be his honor to do so—and to keep his promise to Elijah.
But that changed nothing about her feelings about marrying Mr. Hughes. Even without pretenses about the nature of the marriage, she could never accept such an arrangement, nor impose it on him.
As she’d expected, her temper rose at her brother’s intervention.Elijah!
Nevertheless, she was delighted and surprised by the affection and gratitude that settled upon her after reading the letter. Elijah’s approach felt misguided, but she understood it to be motivated by honor and love. She wouldn’t do as he had asked, but she appreciated his intention. He’d wished to protect her. Not to leave her to the mercies of the world.
Her brother had been imperfect, but he’d at least cared about her. He’d regretted whatever harm he’d caused and sought to do better. That was more than many others could expect from their families.
If Mr. Hughes knew her at all, he wouldn’t be surprised by the reply she finally wrote that afternoon, thanking him for sharing his condolences and memories, and apologizing for the delay in responding. If she knew him at all, he would be relieved by her decision not to marry him. She closed by promising that she would soon be up to resuming their weekly constitutionals, if he was so inclined.
By the time Nicholas arrived to accompany her to Pen’s betrothal celebration, she wondered whether she had overextended herself—and him—by insisting they attend. Alice, her maid, had done most of the work in readying Helen to go out, yet she felt exhausted even before leaving.
It restored some of her vigor when Nicholas stepped into the foyer. His amber eyes devoured her, holding nothing back. “I was sorry to leave you without saying goodbye this morning, but I couldn’t wake you.” He stroked her cheek. “You needed your rest.”
She flushed under his touch, and his smile turned knowing.
“Nicholas, are you certain going tonight is what you want? I know what it is to be forced into obligations, and perhaps I overstepped in pushing you to attend.”
“No, you were right. Tonight is for Pen.” He searched her gaze. “Areyouhaving second thoughts?”
“Yes.” She softened her response with a smile. “But only because I tire so easily these days. I’m happy for Pen, but my mood…doesn’t stay celebratory for long. The right thing is for me to go, even if I don’t stay for the entire evening.”
“Everyone will understand,” he murmured. Taking her face into his hands, he kissed her forehead. “We can make an appearance and leave as soon as you need. Just say the word when it’s time to depart.”
