AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“It’s a pact! I know tonight isn’t easy for you, either. Signal and we’ll leave.”
Settled into the carriage, she leaned her head on his shoulder. “Isn’t it alittleamusing to imagine Mr. Macalester and your father together tonight?”
“It could very well be the ultimate test of Macalester’s affection for Pen. He has his own sort of fortitude, though. He’ll do fine.” Taking her hand, his voice dropped. “Enough of them—we’ll arrive soon. For now, you and I are the only ones I wish to think about. Thank you for last night, Helen.”
She turned her face into the crook of his neck, feeling bashful, but she couldn’t resist pressing a soft kiss to his warm throat. “Thankyou.” Her eyes fluttered closed as his arms wrapped around her.
“Helen, I’d thought to wait until the mourning period finished. But I should have known you and I couldn’t make it six months.”
“Six months in the same bed without…?”
He chuckled. “That isn’t what I meant. I’m speaking of marriage.”
She froze. “Marriage!”
“Forgive me. A carriage isn’t fitting for a proposal, is it? I understand. I’ll—”
Pulling back, Helen settled into her own space on the velvet-cushioned bench. “That’s not it at all! Iwon’ttreat last night as a reason for anything to change!”
“Yet it changes everything.”
His quiet conviction provoked the opposite response in her. “I can’t bring myself to regret last night, Nicholas. But if you’re thinking of pushing me into marriage because I could be with child, do not forget I made that mistake once before!”
Nicholas inhaled slowly. “All that last night changes is the timing. What it doesn’t change is the reason for us marrying. I love you, Helen.”
Bah, love!half of her screamed inside.What has love done for you but trap you?
“I love you, too,” she found herself admitting. “But I’m not a girl like Pen, fresh and undamaged. I’ve…been hurt too much. I won’t be snared, Nicholas.”
He leaned forward, his voice gentle. “I know the sacrifices you’ve made in search of your freedom, Helen, and all it means to you. I don’t mean tosnareyou and take your freedom away.”
“Then don’t!”
“Damn it! I don’t want to corner you! But what if you’re with child? Do you expect me to abandon my childandyou?”
She closed her eyes. “No.”
“You lost Elijah, and I’m sorry. It’s been agony for me, too, you know. I watched you suffer that—and everything it means for you to have lostAlacrity. I wish I could absorb every bit of your suffering instead of you living it. And now that you’re recovering, there’s the constant question in my mind.”
Her eyes drifted open. “Question?”
“Wondering if you’ll leave London. Leave me.”
The starkness in his voice reached her as no fury could have. “Oh, Nicholas.” She laid her hand on his knee.
“After last night…I wasn’t certain you would be there tonight when I arrived.”
“Do I seem the type to run away? Is that the sort of woman you believe me to be? One who doesn’t face responsibility? No, I wouldn’t leave you without saying goodbye.”
He sighed. “People take unusual decisions when they feelsnared.”
“In all honesty, I’m tryingnotto think of what will happen if I’m with child. I’m living each day as it comes and no more. It’s all I can do right now. All I’ve ever done. No planning ever seems to save me, anyway. Look at the tea venture! But I promise you, Nicholas—if I decide to leave, I won’t do it behind your back.”
He stared at her for a long time before nodding.
What have I done?Her hands bunched her black mourning skirts. How could she have placed herself in the position of being with child out of wedlock and everything that would mean? No good could come of it—whether she was on her own with a child, or marriage was forced upon her.
No!
