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“Oh, Helen,no! I meant ‘torn’ in the most delicious way! It’s a delight to behold! Mama feels the same. Nicholas won’ttriflewith you—he’s not like that. But he is a man, isn’t he, and how they do struggle with their sentiments at times. I haven’t any doubt, though, how taken he is with you.” She raised her chin. “And you?” she asked in a small voice. “Youlikehim, don’t you?”
“I do. And your family is delightful, Pen.” Forgetting where they were for a moment, she winked. “Present company included.” Seeing another opportunity to change the topic, she took it. “Speaking of delightful! I couldn’t tear myself away from the project you brought to me. I may have solved the mystery of the missing textile entries.”
Pen settled her teacup in its saucer as quickly as she could without it spilling or clattering, then angled her head quizzically. “I positivelypouredover those accounting ledgers for two weeks! You found something after twodays? Do tell!”
As Helen explained how she reconciled the Sideris & Co. books and figured out the error, Pen hid neither her admiration nor satisfaction. “I ought to have known by your willingness—nay,eagerness—to assist me in my strange project that you would be clever with the task.”
Pen had showed up at the townhouse she occupied thanks to the Sideris family, a basket of ledgers on her arm and a shy smile on her face. The young woman had explained the undertaking with such detail and ease, Helen had no doubt of her intelligence or capacity.
She could not, however, accept unearned compliments about herself. “Clever? Oh, no. Finding the error came simply from experience. Both in deciphering the cryptic scratchings of others in logbooksandbeing all too familiar with solving their careless mistakes.”
Pen observed her as she sipped her tea. “You said how remarkable it was that Papa entrusts these investigations into his enterprise’s ledgers to a daughter.Youknew such trust from your own father, I believe.” When Helen only stared down at the white tablecloth, Pen continued. “I hope I’m not speaking out of turn. Your brother told me that even before your father passed away,you, not he, inherited most of the duties and burdens of the family business.”
Helen heard the respect if not awe in Pen’s voice, and while she knew a measure of pride in her accomplishments, she couldn’t stop the bitter tide that carried her away for a moment.
“Yes, it’s fair to say I inherited the duties and burdens.”
Duties and burdens aplenty. But did Father truly trust his daughter to run his commercial affairs?
She supposed she couldn’t say either way. He had never explicitly conveyed his trust, though he had mostly let her be in her decisions. Whenever he found it convenient to meddle, however, he did so without regard for the impact on her, that much was certain. After years of her father neglecting the mill operation, Helen had turned it around. When she proudly informed him of the mill’s profits, she had hoped that his triumphant smile, while fleeting, meant he was proud of her achievement.
“Good thing your grandfather isn’t alive to see that it’s a girl who’s made the thing a success again after fifty years.”Those had been his only words before he disappeared—to convey the mill to a new owner in satisfaction of his gambling debts. Only the lumberyard itself remained with the family, and Helen had then done her best to continue the business in its reduced circumstances.
You needn’t dwell on the pain, she told herself now.You won’t forget it, but you’ll be safe from the dominion of men. After Elijah returns, you won’t ever need to rely on a man again.
Pen opened her mouth to speak, but the tea cart attendant approached, offering to replenish their cups. Afterwards, Pen leaned forward, her ebony curls shiny against her cobalt-blue gown, her sapphire-and-pearl earbobs swinging lightly. “On the topic of your brother…”
Helen pretended to examine the steaming cup of tea in front of her, full again. “Yes?”
“Elijah wanted us to know—especially Nicholas—that for as capable as you are, it shouldn’t fool us.”
She sat up straighter, eyes flashing. “Fool!?”
“He said youarestrong, but he didn’t wish for you to be left to fend for yourself while he’s gone. That he would hold Nicholas to his promise of protection and hospitality while he was away. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you by sharing this. I…”
Helen was at once furiousandshe wanted to shrink in embarrassment. Elijah, the very man who lectured at length about trusting anyone in England, had called attention to her vulnerabilities! He’d turned her over and exposed her soft underbelly—all without her present.No wonder the Siderises have included me so much.With this new understanding, it humiliated her to look back upon the time she had enjoyed with Pen and her family—they were acting out of obligation. Nicholas, too, after all.Damn Elijah and his well-meaning interference in my life!
“You and your family have offered extraordinary hospitality, Pen. So much so, I am well settled in London now, and there’s no need to continue. You saw how dramatic Elijah can be. I’m afraid he overstated his concerns out of brotherly affection, if not guilt for leaving me here. Please, no more—”
“If you’re about to find excuses for not calling on me anymore, I won’t listen! Not unless you mean them. I’m the youngest in the family, but no clod. I see that something I said caused offense or hurt. What is it?”
Helen sat up straighter. “Charity is an important duty—with that, I don’t take issue. Your family is full of warmth and generosity. But there’s been a misunderstanding, and I apologize for my family’s part in it. Despite what Elijah may have led to you to believe, I’m in no need of your charitable efforts—”
“Helen,no!” Pen covered her mouth with one hand. “Therehasbeen a misunderstanding, and I thank you for the opportunity to dispel it. We have made no ‘charitable efforts’ toward you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Pen, please know that our friendship is not…necessary. If it’s because Nicholas asked you to look after me, or Elijah did, or anything of the sort, you’ve already done more than enough.”
The young woman didn’t appear offended, but a light sheen of tears illuminated her brown eyes. “Here I was, believing our friendshipisnecessary. It’s a rarity to spend time with someone without having to mind my tongue constantly or hide half of myself. Yes, I have friends I can meet here for tea and gossip. I adore that! But almost no one outside my family knows of the time I spend on the Sideris & Co. ledgers. I’ve shared more of myself with you than I am able with any of my other friends.”
The genuine ring of Pen’s words resonated, and guilt washed over Helen. “HereIwas, thinking only of myself for a moment. For every time I’ve lectured Elijah about excessive pride, you would think I’d be able to recognize it in myself. It hurt to believe you were inviting me here out of pity. For my part, Pen, I would continue our friendship most gladly. You are delightful. Including your faculties with accounting ledgers!”
Pen laughed, but the sound was both happyandwry, and sadness still clung to her more than usual. “Onwards in our friendship, then! Pride isn’t always bad, and you’re good for mine. You know how, after being so sick, Papa changed his mind about allowing my tutoring?”
Helen nodded before taking a bite of teacake.
“None of the mathematicians or engineers I have approached are even willing todiscusstutoring a woman.”
The moist sponge cake congealed in Helen’s mouth, and she forced it down her throat with the aid of some hot tea. She knew Pen’s dilemma all too well, between her experience in the lumber industry and having been looked down upon by the English investors she and Elijah had courted.
Nicholas alone spoke to you as if you mattered. Pushing away the warm glow that accompanied that thought, Helen also realized it wasn’t true.
That engineer Adam Macalester had shown neither surprise nor hesitation when she’d interacted with him—challenged him, even—about his majestic waterwheel…
