AllFreeNovel
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You. Just you. “You said there wassomethingbetween us—I wish to give it a chance. For you to give me a chance. It’s not an obligation but a choice, and it’s yours. Saying yes that first night or tonight doesn’t oblige you further. It never shall. That is my vow to you. Every day untilAlacritysails up the Thames and moors at the West India Docks, I’ll decide whether to knock on your door. You’ll decide whether to open it.”
“What if I asked you to leave and not return?”
“I’d leave and not return.” Heart pounding, he voiced the question. “Is that your wish?”
She shook her head, extending her hand to him at the same time. He brought her fingers to his lips, both of their hands trembling, and he closed his eyes, relief flooding him.
“Why couldn’t we have metafter?”
Her anguish forced his eyes open. “After?”
“When I’m free. Reliant on no one. When maybe I could trust.”
“If it’s after your brother returns that you’re finally free—I’ll wait for you, Helen.”
She launched herself into his arms, and his smile grew broader. After a few minutes of holding her, the candle guttered, blanketing her bedchamber in darkness. Still, neither of them slept.
Ordinarily, Nicholas focused his attention on the present and future. He invested his time in weighing any upcoming decision rather than second guessing it after the fact. Tonight, however, he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened had he pursued Helen differently.
He laughed, though the sound was hollow even to him. “I called you and Elijah brash. But—“
“We are.”
His laughter this time sounded happier, and his arms tightened around her. “Yes, you are. AsIwas when I demanded that you serve as collateral. What would have happened if instead, I’d produced the silver, then asked you to stay and marry me?”
She froze in his arms and didn’t answer for a long time. When she did, her voice was resolute but sad. “I’d be on my way to China now.”
His body rebelled at the thought despite not being surprised. He stroked the hair at her temple, and her hands tightened on him.
“What if I’d declined to invest but asked you to stay and marry me?”
She made a sound of disgust. “I’d be on my way to South America on a guano run.”
His sigh couldn’t be helped.She would have chosen excrement over me!
“Despite everything, Nicholas, I’m glad I’m here in London. Grateful that I met your family. Happy you’re here in this bed with me.”
He nodded. However complex her feelings about her situation, he didn’t doubt her words. “You asked why we didn’t meetafter. I understand why you feel that way. But I, for one, haven’t questioned for a moment why we met when we did. Do you recall what I said aboardAlacrity? The Fates brought you into my office. Down that ladder and into my arms. We’re here together right now, and I’m thankful for that. For you.”
“Oh, Nicholas!”
He heard she was in tears, felt them splash onto his chest, and he kissed the top of her head.
“Do you remember asking me about my favorite part ofAlacrity?” she asked quietly.
“I do.”
Belying his nerves, Nicholas took steady breaths as he waited for her to confide in him.Trust me, Helen. Please.
“It’s not the beautiful dining saloon. It’s the stem.”
The stem!“Will you tell me about it?”
“About any stem? OrAlacrity’s?”
“Tell me everything you would, Helen. Anything.”
“A nautical engineer can explain why a vessel floats. How all the wood fitted together into a ship can bear its own weight, let alone that of a crew and cargo.” Her voice started out small, but as she spoke, conviction strengthened it. “But I call it a miracle, and one not to be taken for granted. Even before I spent time at sea, the stem fascinated me. Once I was aboard, relying on the ship to keep me alive, it’s the stem I thought of when I needed to feel safe.”
