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“I’ve said something wrong, and I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “It’s not that you’vesaidsomething wrong, Nicholas. You’re telling the truth. I just didn’t realize. I thought you saw the merits of the investment. I didn’t want...”
Nicholas sat up in bed, grasping at straws to understand. He took a breath before asking any questions.Ask only if you wish to know the answers. Unlike any other, this woman possessed great power over him—to reject or hurt him. Perhaps it had been unwise to share with her the depths of his preoccupation. She may well have opened her arms and bed to him, but he wasn’t so addled he couldn’t see she held back her heart.
Or at least, she was trying to.
Gazing upon her, the faint candlelight behind her illuminating that glorious hair, he found he could not hold back his own heart.
“Does it disturb you to know that I’d have sent away anyone else approaching me for an investment under such circumstances?”
She bit back a sob. “What circumstances are those? Rash, pesky Americans approaching you?”
“Helen, I shared what I did only to express my affection for you. It wasn’t to voice a complaint. I chose to invest.”
She stared at him as if bewildered. “It doesn’t botheryouthat you’re not behaving rationally? You’re saying you parted with your silver not because you wanted to—but because you weren’t thinking!”
“Ididwant to part with my silver. Not because I wanted to invest in a tea run to China. Not just any tea run, anyway—yours. I’m neither angry nor torn about the matter. Is that your concern?”
“I won’t pretend I was unaware that when we met, there was…somethingbetween us. But to be responsible for you placing a fortune at risk? To wonder if you only did so to force me to stay in London? To feel beholden to you?”
A great weight settled on Nicholas’s shoulders as he realized the depth of the harm he’d done—both to her and to his courtship of her, his very goal. He exhaled, understanding that full honesty represented his only chance at mending the situation, even as it risked making tonight his last by her side.
“You don’t have to wonder whether I invested in order to bring about your stay in London—I did.”
Her eyes closed, and her hands clutched the sheet.
“I could remind you of the prudence of keeping you here to secure my investment—I did in the music room that night when we spoke of this. And it’s true. But it’s not the complete truth.”
Her eyes drifted open, and his breath caught at the vulnerability there, the equal of his own. “Nicholas, there are many faults and foibles I can forgive—perhaps even too easily. But one thing I have had too much of in this life, and will accept no more, is deception about intentions, even by omission. I cannot bear false pretenses from the start.”
“Then allow me to lay bare my intentions, for I have intended no trickery or deceit. From the first moment I heard ofAlacrityand the brash Americans making outrageous claims of racing back from China in a hundred days, I thought the plan too risky. Absurd, even.”
Hurt and defiance shone on her face, and he hated the former and welcomed the latter. Unable to refrain, he reached out a hand.
“I can’t, Nicholas. Not now.”
Nodding, he pulled his hand back. “SeeingAlacritydidn’t change my mind. She’s spectacular. And dangerous. I hope to see that fortune your brother promised. I’ll celebrate alongside you Millers at the achievement. I wasn’t throwing my silver away and won’t be made a fool—I verified your contracts on Mincing Lane. I consulted with navigation experts who confirmed it’spossibleyour brother is right.”
“Heisright!”
Nicholas was touched, as ever, by her fiery spirit and dedication to her brother, but he didn’t smile, knowing it would only hurt or offend her.
“Helen, think on it. I know how swindles work. If you and your brother were seeking to rob my silver, you could have disappeared by now if you wished. I hardly have you under lock and key.”
Her eyes flared.
“I knew you to be desperate, and I took advantage by tailoring my conditions to keep you in London. Instinct told me you and your brother are honorable and can be trusted not to abscond with the silver—just as it urged me not to let you sail away.”
“Why? Why me?”
“Because you’re you.”
She shook her head, her disbelief clear.
“I didn’t want you to sail away and die at sea. To be hurt or violated if anything happened to your brother and you were at the mercy of the crew. But I didn’t want to imprison you in London. I don’t consider you indebted to me or at my mercy.”
“Whatdoyou want?”
