AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Yes.”I still do.
She nodded, looking contemplative. “You’ve said you and Chadbourne get on well. That you feel suited to your work. What about the work at your family’s firm?”
“The work was never the problem.”
Her voice was soft. “Whatwasthe problem?”
In the ten years since Nicholas had announced his decision to his family, no one—not a single person—had asked him why. His father had raged, his mother had despaired, and Adrian had brooded. Everyone, including David Chadbourne, had made their own assumptions.
“You’ve yet to meet Adrian, but you know my father.”
She only nodded and continued to observe carefully.
He took her hand. “Everyone believed I left and changed my name because I didn’t want to play second or third fiddle—and that I couldn’t work under my father.”
She made a neutral sound and stroked her thumb over his comfortingly. “Is that why?”
“Not particularly. But I let them believe what they wanted to. It was simpler that way. Less painful for all. For the truth is more nuanced. More hurtful. I’m accustomed to my father’s ways. Even when they’re difficult, I can manage that. What became unbearable was being the intermediary between Father and Adrian. The middleman.”
“How so?”
“Making peace in my family is as natural as breathing. But afterwards, while everyone else is content, I’m left…depleted. They have their outbursts and forget. I absorb it all.”
“Ah.” Her eyes dropped to the floor while she thought. “What happens in your family if you’re not their middleman? They muddle through, but meanwhile, you still absorb it all?”
He cocked his head. “That’s right. How did you know?”
“You pay attention to everyone around you—constantly. At first, it seemed you sat back and were untouched, but I do not believe that any longer. It has to take a toll. You said you delight in my delight.”
“I did.” He smiled. “And I do.”
“But you also suffer others’s suffering.”
Staggered by her perceptiveness, he was at once gratified and uncomfortable. Whatever his family troubles, he had no doubt they loved him; how deeply they saw into him was another question. Helen had understood something so fundamental but hidden about him, making him feel close to her.
Yet it was also unsettling to be stripped bare. It didn’t feel entirely safe.
“Not for everyone, Helen. I couldn’t survive. But for those I care about—yes.”
“You care about Adrian and your father.”
“Which made it agony to witness it all. Adrian was miserable, but doing his utmost to hide it. Father piled responsibility on Adrian that he was neither interested in, nor adept at managing. No matter the disappointments, neither could stand to change course. Father never gave up on trying to mold Adrian. Adrian went along…until he couldn’t any longer.”
“I see.” She shook her head. “I’m terribly sorry—earlier you said that his situation is complicated, and I distracted you with my questions. You seem concerned about him. Is his departure from Sideris & Co. and from London more than mourning?”
Nodding, Nicholas leaned back against the cushion. “He said little about it. Only that he can’t go back to his old life. He seems aimless and racked with guilt. I asked him what life he wishes for. I’m not sure if even he knows. If he does, he’s not sharing.”
“Why would he feel guilty?”
“There’s more than I know about. I feel certain. His way of getting along with Father was to pretend to go along. Suffering through it. Father loves Adrian. But he’s just self-absorbed enough that he often failed to notice what Adrian wanted or thought. My brother is accustomed to having his secrets.”
“Could the same be said of you?”
“I suppose so.”
“Did you press Adrian about what’s going on?”
He shook his head. “It’s not my place. I asked. I care. But I won’t torture the man. That’s probably why he came to me—he knows he can trust me. He also wanted advice. That was rather difficult for me. I can hardly counsel him on where to go next, what to do, without knowing what ails him.”
