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He gives me an appraising look. “You’re filthy and bloody. He’s not going to like seeing you that way when he wakes up. Why don’t you go take a shower, at least? I’ll sit here with him.”
“You really should be resting.”
“Pull that armchair over for me.” He nods to the chair in question, sitting by the window, a matching footstool in front of it. “That way, I’m almost resting, and I can keep my leg elevated the way the doctor bullied me into agreeing I would do.”
Men can be such babies. Even men like him. “I won’t be long,” I promise, and he shoos me away in response. I head to what I probably shouldn’t think of as my room and pull clean clothes from the closet before getting in the shower. It feels good, washing away all that dirt, not to mention the webs I just know were clinging to me even though I couldn’t see them. All of it washes down the drain along with the dried blood from both Luca and Vincent. I didn’t know a person could lose that much blood and live through it.
It can’t take me more than ten minutes, all told. But by the time I get back to the master suite, Jock is fast asleep in the chair, his feet up on the footstool and his chin resting on his chest. Part of me wants to help him to bed, but I don’t have the heart to wake him. So I settle for draping a blanket over his legs and turning out the light, then very carefully sliding into bed beside Luca. We all need a good night’s sleep, and now that the adrenaline is leaving my system I’m barely able to keep my eyes open.
* * *
“Good morning, sleepyhead.”
The sound of Luca’s voice startles me wide awake. I sit up, my heart in my throat, my pulse pounding. “What happened? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
He smiles from where he’s now partially propped up in bed. “Wait a second,” I whisper, looking around. “Where’s Jock? How long was I asleep?”
“I don’t know when you fell asleep, so I can’t answer that question. Jock woke up maybe an hour ago and went to lie in bed. He said thank you for the blanket, by the way.” There’s a playful light in his eyes that pairs well with his grin. His color is much better, and he sounds a lot more like himself than he did last night.
It makes me want to cry my eyes out. The only thing that stops me is the thought that he might not feel like watching me blubber all over the place so soon after waking up.
I settle for giving him a gentle kiss, savoring the taste of his lips. I finally understand how unsure I was for a minute there that I would ever get to kiss him again. “You scared the hell out of me, you know that?”
“You scared the hell out of me, too.”
“But if I hadn’t come back—”
“I know. I’m just busting your balls.” He closes his hand around mine and squeezes tight. “You saved my life. I mean, you had already saved me before then, but now you did it literally as well as figuratively.”
“What do you mean?” When he lifts his left arm, his good arm, I tuck myself under it and again find myself getting choked up as I snuggle next to him.
“I mean you changed me. I wanted to tell you—God, there’s so much I wanted to tell you. And I was so disappointed in myself when I realized I might not get the chance. There’s so much you deserve to know.”
“So tell me now. Don’t waste the opportunity.”
It takes a while for him to get the words out, but I’m happy to wait as long as it takes. “For one thing, you reminded me of who I used to be before everything happened. I forgot him. I had to for a long time. Sink or swim, you know? Nothing else mattered but keeping everything together, no matter what it took.”
“I understand that.” Even if it’s a little overwhelming to hear him say it. Hearing I had that kind of an effect… it’s a lot to wrap my head around.
“For another thing, I’m sorry for everything that happened before now that ever hurt you in any way. That night in your room… I don’t know what the fuck I was trying to prove. I don’t know who I was trying to be when I used you and hurt you. I couldn’t be more sorry if I tried. I hope you let me make it up to you. Because that’s not who I want to be. Not ever again.”
“Thank you. I respect you saying that. I know it can’t be easy.”
“Can you forgive me?”
“To be honest with you, I’m so happy you’re alive and here with me, as far as I’m concerned we can start from scratch and pretend none of that ever happened.”
“No, I don’t want to pretend. Don’t get me wrong, I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m not going to forget how easy it was for me to become the kind of man I hate.”
“Fair enough. I’ll try not to hold it over your head too much.”
He chuckles before brushing his lips over the top of my head. “Thank you.”
He tips my chin upward so our eyes meet. “And when that guy took you, I was sure my entire world was crumbling. All I wanted was to get you back. Nothing else mattered. I would have burned down the whole world for you—and I still would. I’m only sorry I didn’t get the chance to make him pay.”
“Jock told me about that. It’s okay. You don’t need to have his life on your hands, anyway.”
“I know I don’t deserve you.”
