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He’s right, but that mutt is as sassy as she is. It’s also stubborn and hates me. Somehow while trying to escape from a dickhead, she found a dog that’s exactly like her. I have no idea if this is karma trying to get back at me little by little, but this is torture. “Can you blame me? That thing bites me for no reason and only eats canned tuna. I’ve tried everything under the sun. But it only wants canned tuna. So fucking weird.”
Rush chuckles. It feels like forever since I’ve heard that sound, and I didn’t know how much I missed it until now.
When we reach the kitchen, Rush grabs the eggs and milk from the fridge while I find a can of tuna in the cabinet. As soon as I pop the metal lid, the little mutt prances its way in, looking up at me with its big dark eyes full of suspicion. The only time it likes me is when I have food for it, but even then, it treats me like I’m the sketchy one. I scoop the tuna into a bowl and place it on the floor for the little creature.Disgusting.Normally I would’ve gotten rid of the fleabag by now, but this girl makes me soft. If she wants the dog, she gets the dog no matter how much the thing tries to rip my arms off.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” Rush asks while whisking eggs in a glass bowl.
“We have Tara back.”
Rush stills for a second, then continues to stir. “Obviously.” Clearly, it was a dumb statement, but it turns out he’s still going to have an attitude with me.
“Well, we need to protect her at all costs. We can’t let her get hurt again.” This time he stops and slams the bowl down on the counter, the clink of the glass filling the silence between us.
“No shit, Sherlock. She was in danger because of you in the first place, and now you want to play the fucking hero?! Hell no, this was your fault,” Rush growls, his mood turning sour.
My fists clench at my sides, trying to hold it together. “You think I don’t know that?” Rush remains quiet. “I do. I know that, and I hate myself for it every second of every day. But it won’t happen again. Not Zayan. Not the Draaks. Not anyone.”
He stands there for a minute, thinking about my words. I can tell he wants to shred into me again, but he’s holding himself back. “In no way, shape, or form have I forgiven you yet, but you’re right. So, what’s the grand plan?”
“First, we need to update all our security. Better cameras. More cameras. I don’t care if we have to watch everyone take a shit. There are no blind spots inside or outside of this house from now on.”
Rush nods and pours the eggs into the hot skillet. “Go on.”
“Trackers. She will get one this time. We can’t make that mistake again. Obviously, we’ll talk to her about it, but she will be getting one. I’d like her to be the one to agree to it, though. Considering she already had one she willingly got, I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”
Rush’s muscles tighten and a low growl escapes him. I know he blames himself for not getting a tracker on her, but it's not all his fault. I should have checked on the status of that more and reminded him. “I’ll get that done today. Anything else?”
Now to the part I’m most hesitant about. This might be completely out of the ballpark, but it’s something that’s been on my mind, and I have to try it. “This is going to sound insane, but I need you to look into my parents' shit more.” Something isn’t sitting right with me and maybe I’m just being paranoid, especially after that dream, but I feel like I’m missing something. For some reason, I feel like there’s a connection I’m missing and it’s driving me crazy. Rush turns, leaning against the counter while the eggs cook. “Your parents? Seriously? At a time like this, what do they have to do with anything?” I get his question. We’re dealing with Draaks and Zayan, so why would I want to spend time looking at my parents' marriage?
“I’ve had a long time to think. What if there’s more to it for why the Draaks have me in their sights? My father wasn’t an angel, and he would’ve done anything for money, even if that meant double-crossing to get ahead. He could have been working with the Draaks. What if Zayan is also working with the Draaks and there’s a connection we are overlooking?”
He quirks a brow at my theory. “You think your dad was involved with the Draaks?”
I don’t know why I’ve felt this push to look into this more, but it’s been nagging me for days. “I’m not sure, but I want you to find out. There’s something we are missing. I wouldn’t put anything past him.”
Rush spins back to the stove, making sure he doesn’t burn the eggs. “You’re right, it does sound insane, but consider it done.”
That was easier than I thought it would be.
“Take care of her. Anything she wants is hers. No matter the cost. No matter the trouble I have to go through to get it. I’m trusting you and Reilly to care for her while I can’t.”
Rush turns, his dark eyes finding mine, and he nods. “On my life.”
I hate that I’m not the one helping pick up her pieces and put her back together, but at least I know she has two protective men who care about her.
Even if she never forgives me, I know she’ll be taken care of.
My skin itches, feeling like spiders are crawling beneath it. No matter how much I scratch. No matter how much I wash my skin, I can never erase his lingering touch. Every time I close my eyes I see his eerie, taunting face. I picture him putting his hands all over me. I feel him, like he’s still here watching me.
It’s been three days since I begged and pleaded for Cohutta to erase Zayan from my body. Three days of trying to build myself back up, of trying to feel like myself again.
Three days of frustration, emotional turmoil, of being lost in my thoughts and trying to heal on my own. Reflecting on the rejection from Cohutta, I understand where he was coming from even if I didn’t agree at the moment. He is always looking out for me even if I don’t realize it.
He wants me to be his wild girl, the girl who he sees as strong, feisty, and the one who has the strength to stand on her own. He doesn’t want me to tarnish our relationship chasing after the need to get rid of the trauma Zayan caused. He wants us to get back to the relationship we had without trying to slap a temporary Band-Aid over a bigger scar.
I understand being cautious, but each of them are tiptoeing around me like I’m a bomb about to explode. Cohutta is holding me like a fragile doll that will break at any second, Rush acts like if he blinks I’m going to magically disappear, and Marnix has been a ghost. I know he is around; I can occasionally hear him ask about me. I can even sense his presence, but luckily, he keeps his distance. I’m not ready to see him yet. Part of me continues to hate him for giving me up. He let me go so easily—he doesn’t deserve me. If only I could get myself fully on board with that sentiment. I want to act like I could move on from him after the pain he caused me, but deep down I know it’s impossible.
I appreciate how much they’re making sure I’m doing well and keeping me comfortable, but I’m slowly losing my mind the longer I lie here. I’ve been cooped up in this room, slowly suffocating from the lack of movement and ability to keep myself busy.
