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“I don’t think Greyson is the only reason you stormed off and tore up your knuckles. So why don't you tell me what's really going on?”
“Something inside me snapped when I heard those words come out of your mouth. My mind just went from ‘she’s going to replace me’ to ‘everyone leaves’ and then to ‘I’m not good enough.’ It reminded me that I couldn’t be a good brother then so there’s no way I can ever be what you need, Lya,” he says, with tears pooling in his eyes.
“What happened to Reiter is not your fault, you know that right?” I ask.
“That’s where you’re wrong. I should have known how he was feeling. I should have been watching him closer instead of playing video games and trying to ignore him every chance I got,” he growls.
“You were fifteen. That’s what teenagers do to their younger siblings. They pretend like they aren’t there. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I should’ve known he was being bullied at school. I should’ve listened to him when he tried to talk to me about it. If I’d have paid more attention then he’d still be alive and my parents wouldn’t hate me for it,” he says with so much conviction. Tears prick the back of my eyes as he releases his built-up pain.
“Your parents shouldn’t have blamed you for his suicide. You were a child. Reiter was hurting and you couldn’t control what happened. He wouldn’t blame you. He wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up like you do,” I say, as tears start to fall down my face. “I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you like your parents did. Rian, I need you. I wouldn’t have a life without you in it. Your light spirit gets me through the day.”
“How do you know that? How do you know you won’t get tired of me and leave?” Pain flares in his beautiful hazel eyes.
“Before I met you, Zep and Thiago, I had no one. The only two people in my life that I’d ever loved were gone and I was lost and alone. You sank your claws so deep into my soul that I couldn’t remove them even if I wanted to.”
Rian runs his fingers through my hair as he looks deep into my eyes.
“It’s also about trust, Rian. Trust is a hard thing to do when you’ve been let down your whole life, but you have to trust me. Just like I trust you.”
Rian wipes my tears away with his thumbs and caresses my face between his hands. “What did I do to deserve a woman like you? You, Lya Elizabeth Vanderhall, are the light in my dark head. My brain is a personal hell that I can never escape, but with you, living in it is easier.”
I gaze into his eyes as I try to dig deep and find words to say, but I come up short. His words are sweet, but also full of anguish. His thumb catches my bottom lip before he leans down and brushes his lips against mine. The feeling of his soft lips causes relief to crash into me.
“I love you, Lya.”
“I love you too, Rian.”
“I’ll be okay with the Greyson idea some day, but today is not that day. I need time to work through my own shit. You haven’t done anything wrong,” he explains.
I nod my head. “Okay, I understand.” I take his right hand in mine as I examine his busted knuckles. “Let me doctor you up, babe.” Rising from the floor, I head to Rian’s bathroom to grab a first aid kit.
“Will you wear a sexy nurse’s outfit?” he asks with a seductive wink.
I throw my head back laughing. “And he’s back!” I sit beside him on the bed, motioning to my left thigh. “Put your hand on my leg.”
“Yes ma’am,” he says, a twinkle in his eye as he grips my thigh with his hand. I pull out an alcohol swab and start cleaning his wounds. He remains quiet as he intently stares at me.
“I’m sorry for everything that happened today, but what I regret the most is verbally attacking you a few minutes ago. I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry,” he whispers.
I look up at him while I smooth some ointment across his knuckles. “I know you didn't mean it so I forgive you, but you know Zep and Thiago won't be as forgiving as I am. You harbor so much pain that it makes you lash out even when you don't want to, but you know it doesn't have to be like that with me. You and I are very similar—we hold things in until we explode—but I need you to please just talk to me next time. If you feel like you're falling apart, let me fall with you instead of against you. You’re a part of me, Rian. We’re in this together, not against each other,” I plead with him.
“I deserve whatever they do to me.” He frowns.
When I’m done cleaning him up, I close the first aid kit and place it on the bedside table. “No, you don’t,” I whisper as I climb on the bed to straddle his legs. His hands wrap around me, landing on my ass. He gives it a squeeze before he pulls me closer to him. His mouth hovers over mine as his hazel eyes stare right into my soul. “Stay with me tonight?”
“Of course, but I should probably let Zep and Thiago know so they don’t wait up for me,” I reply.
“I’ll text them while you get ready for bed.” He kisses me hard and quick. I slide off his body to do just that. A sting cracks across my ass before I can get too far from him. “Don’t take too long, I want to ravish your body until you forget your name,” he growls.
I won’t be getting any sleep tonight.I hope the guys make enough coffee in the morning, because I’ll need it.
Eleven
“Catch me if you can,” I taunt, skipping ahead of Lainey, wanting her to chase me.
“Lee, do you ever stop so you can enjoy the scenery?” she asks.
