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The sadness in her beautiful eyes, the tremble of her lip even when she was trying to be strong, and the sincerity of her words when she made a promise about Allie—all changed my mind. At the last second, I knew I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t kill the woman I love. The woman we all love. The woman whose darkness matches mine in every single way.
She never gave up, even when I did everything I could to break her. She’s strong, the strongest person I’ve ever met. She made it through every painful and terrifying shit that I don’t even know if we could survive.
She’s our strong girl.
I know she can survive the hell we’re about to put her through.
She was born to stand by our side. Not behind us, not hidden away, but beside us.
The queen of the Saints is about to be crowned.
For such a feisty, hell-raising woman, she looks like an angel while sleeping peacefully on our sectional. Her blonde hair is fanned out as she hugs a throw pillow now in place of Theon’s body.
Kneeling down in front of her, I gently move a strand of hair from her face. I’m evil, a monster, I know I am. I never apologize for anything, but my chest aches every time I think about what I did to her.
She deserves something I can’t give her, something I don’t know how to do. I wish I could just tell her I’m sorry, but the only person I’ve ever said those words to is Allie, and it’s been so long.
I’ll give her what I can, when I can. “You didn’t deserve what I did. I lost my mind, all sense of control. The darkness completely took over when I shot you and sent you falling into your biggest fear. I hope one day, I can give you what you need and you’ll forgive me,” I whisper as I admire her beautiful face. My thumb skates across her soft cheek before I stand up.
I scoop my arms under her tiny frame, lifting her bridal style.
“Mmm, Ace,” she whispers without even opening her eyes, nuzzling her head into my neck as she wraps her arms around me. I fucking love the sound of my name on her lips when she’s not out to kill me. Fuck, I even love it when she is trying to kill me, which is more often than not.
“How did you know it was me, temptress?” Her hair tickles my throat, making me almost chuckle from the contact.
“The person who picked me up is tense as hell. It had to be you.” She moves her head back, looking at me with those big blues I want to get lost in. Her sleepy eyes twinkle under the lights while I carry her upstairs, as a playful smile crosses her lips. “That, and I can tell by the way you smell and hold me.”
“How I hold you?” I completely ignore her jab about me being tense. It’s something that is and always will be a part of me. The tension keeps me on edge, which in turn keeps me focused.
“With possession and hesitation. Like if you let me go, I'll somehow wither away, or you’ll blink and none of this will be real. I can feel the hesitation you have, unsure whether you should truly let yourself have feelings for me, giving away the control.” She lays her head back down on my shoulder as I push the door open to my room.
“You got all that from my touch?”
“Hmm, maybe from watching you too,” she whispers gently with a breathy laugh. She’s just like Theon, always watching, soaking in as much information as possible, so her words don’t surprise me. All of it is accurate. I’m scared of losing her, I’m worried about giving into her, fully letting myself break down my walls.
“Where are Theon and Blais?” she asks softly, wondering why I’m the one taking her to bed. I’ve had this insecurity since the beginning that I wouldn’t be good enough for her, but they would be. Which makes sense, they’re deserving of this strong, beautiful girl. I’m just a heartless asshole with nothing good to offer. Whywouldshe want to be with me?
“Am I not good enough for you?” My tone is flat, giving away no hint of humor or playfulness.
“That’s not what I meant. Of course you are, Ace. I’m just surprised they aren’t fighting you right now or at least trying to join us.” The panic in her voice tells me she heard the pain in mine, even though I tried to hide it.
My shoulders relax a little, but there’s still that little voice deep inside telling me I’m not good enough for her. I’ve always been confident in myself, never doubting my worth, but she makes me nervous. She makes me want to be good enough for her. “They had to go check on some things. They’ll be back soon.” It’s the truth, they did have to go check on things and they will be back soon, but I left out the key detail that they’ll be bringing someone back with them to torture and eventually murder.
“So vague,” she teases, knowing I’m keeping something from her. We promised no more secrets, but this will be the last one we’ll ever have.
“So curious.” I throw right back at her, hoping she doesn’t ask more questions.
Walking toward my bed, I pull back the covers and set her down. A loud moan escapes her plump pink lips, making my dick even harder than it was when I was carrying her against me.
“It’s so comfortable.” She spreads her arms wide, running her arms across the silk bedding. The shirt she’s wearing is bunched around her waist, exposing the delicate skin underneath. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She sits up enough to rest on her elbows pulling the shirt tighter across her breasts.
“Like what, temptress?” Her eyes dart to where my cock is pressing angrily against my pants, then back to my eyes.
“Like you’re going to rip my clothes off and fuck me senseless?” She tilts her head, biting her bottom lip.
“Is that what you want me to do to you?” A smirk crosses my lips as I watch the slow pink blush creep up her ivory skin.
