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“Ace…” I feel Zamira’s warm tears dropping onto my chest, but I don’t look down at her. If I do, I’ll come undone at the sight.
“When I was ten, my parents wanted to use Allie like they’d been using me. Trying to pawn her off as someone else’s sick fucking toy, but I wouldn’t allow it. She was only four years old. Four.” Rage boils deep in my bones at the thought of my innocent four-year-old sister being subjected to the trauma I had. I couldn’t let them, I had to protect her. “I promised I’d do it without fighting if they left her alone. She was so precious and didn’t need to be touched by the same darkness already corrupting my soul.” My voice is on the verge of breaking, but I cough, trying to cover up the emotion peeking through.
“How did… What did they make you do?” Her voice quivers as she asks her question.
“Sometimes they’d pump me full of drugs until I passed out, not remembering what happened the next day, but I could feel what they did. I could feel their fingertips still lingering on my skin. Sometimes they’d keep me awake so I could feel their hands on my body, taking my innocence and any remaining self-worth I had. They’d touch me as I screamed and cried, until one day, I just stopped feeling. I became numb to everything around me. The only person who kept me grounded was Allie. She was always the shining light. She’s the only reason I even kept fighting. If it wasn’t for her, I’d be dead.” She was always the key to my happiness. The only thing I had to live for.
Her palm slowly makes circles on my abs to comfort me. “How did you get into foster care?”
“I was about thirteen at the time. It had been about two months since I’d seen my father. He hadn’t come home after an argument with my mother and it sent her over the edge. At first she began breaking things, then she turned to her precious heroin to fill the void like she always did. She’d cry all day long, then fall into the soothing sleep induced by drugs. It was the same cycle over and over again, and she didn’t care that Allie and I witnessed it all.” I gulp loudly, thinking about what I’m going to tell Zamira next.
“One night, she got frustrated, and started screaming about how she couldn’t find a vein. I’d seen her do it countless times, so I knew what to do when she asked me to help. She banded her arm, filled her needle, and handed it to me asking me to find the vein because her shaky hands couldn’t do it. She told me to only use half of it, so she could save the rest for later. I grabbed the needle, poked it into her arm and injected her with the entire thing. Initially, her eyes just rolled back, looking high like she always did, but then she began shaking, and foam was coming out of her mouth while she was gurgling on her saliva and vomit.”
“What happened, Ace?” Her tone is still warm, but shaky at best, wondering exactly how this story ends.
“I left her there and stared at her until she stopped breathing. I didn’t even try to roll her over or call for help. The sick side of me hoped she would die. Eventually, I tried shaking her awake, but she didn’t move a muscle. I knew she was dead, and the worst part is I was filled with relief. It was my way to get Allie and I to safety so I grabbed Allie from her room, took any money I could find lying around, and ran.” We ran as fast as we could, but unfortunately it wouldn’t make a difference.
“Two young kids running around with worn down clothes, searching through the garbage, and looking like absolute shit didn’t go unnoticed. Eventually someone called the police and they came and got us. They found out our mom was dead from an apparent overdose, our father couldn’t be located, and we had no other family so we got thrust into the foster care system. At first it wasn’t bad, until we got placed with a family that had secrets of their own. We were abused, beaten, and kept in a locked basement with barely any food or water when we were home from school. We were threatened with our lives if we ever told a soul. They didn’t carewhat they were doing to us just as long as they got that check from the state. How they passed the foster care system home checks is beyond me, but eventually we got out after a teacher at school noticed how malnourished we were and took in the bruises on our bodies.” Poor Allie looked like a ghost, I almost thought I was going to lose her at one point from how bad it got.
“We bounced around from foster home to foster home, some good, some bad, until we finally got placed in our last home where I met Blais and Theon. Since then, we’ve been inseparable, forming a fucked-up bond, making us brothers for life.”
“Ace. Fuck, I don’t even know what to say. That’s so fucking awful. It shreds me apart knowing you went through that, but you’re so fucking strong.” She raises her head to look at me with her red-rimmed blue eyes.
“It’s life, temptress,” I say, trying to shrug off the feeling of disgust with myself.
“It’s not just life, Ace. What you went through, no one should ever have to go through, especially not a child. I see the way you protect Theon and Blais, the way you’re willing to sacrifice yourself before either of them gets hurt. You always make sure you’re strong for them, so you can be their shoulder. But who is yours? Who has your back when you need it? It’s okay to show your emotions. You’re so much more than what you think your parents made you become. You’re strong. Stoic. And brave. I really appreciate you sharing that with me.” Her little pep talk makes me feel a sense of relief knowing she’s not disgusted by me, like I often find myself thinking. I’m damaged goods with so many issues it’s impossible to count them all. Somehow she still sees good in me, and that’s not something I ever want to go without.
Hopefully she’ll still look at me the same way when we put our test into motion. I pray that she’ll still think I’m strong, stoic, and brave instead of the unforgivable, despicable monster I feel like, because Blais is right—I will never forgive myself if we lose her.
Giving her up would rip each of our hearts apart, but it would be even worse if she wanted to willingly walk away from us. Not only would we be fucked up, left bleeding out, it would also break apart our brotherhood. Neither of them would ever look at me again and I wouldn’t blame them. So, for everyone’s sake, I hope tomorrow goes the way I’ve been imagining since I found out about Allie’s killer.
“Can I ask you a question?” Her voice is soft and sleepy.
“Go ahead, temptress.”
She shifts, snuggling her head into my chest. “When I first started coming to the club looking for Novak, I did a little research on you guys after I met you. I thought I’d talk to you if I was having trouble getting close to Novak, hoping you’d be able to give me some information on him.”
Normally, I’d be pissed that she did research on us, but I’m not. I knew it was a possibility from the beginning, even if she was just some random woman coming into the club. The only thing out there are a couple of misdemeanors from when I was twenty, almost nine years ago.
“What happened the night you threatened a guy with a crowbar?”
I was protecting Allie. Everything I’ve done was to protect her.
“Allie was fourteen. She was at a vulnerable and impressionable age, and I was so fucking protective of her. At the time, I was working at a little run-down gas station so I could save up money and just got home from work. Her screams echoed through the air the moment I stepped out of my car. When I walked in the house, I found a guy we’d been in the same foster home with, holding her down on the couch, trying to tear her clothes off. That asshole was trying to hurt my sister. The look of terror on her face set me over the edge to the point all I could see was red.”
Zamira’s body tenses, but I keep going, “I went psycho, fucking nuts on him. I did what I had to do to get him off her. That bastard always had an obsession with her, but she was too sweet and trusting to see that. He wasn’t a good guy, but she had the habit of always seeing the best in people. She always said that everyone has a story, everyone deserves a chance, just like me, but at that moment all I could think about was needing to save her.”
Zamira squeezes me tighter, as if she wants to take away all my pain. “She was so lucky to have you by her side.” My heart flutters for the sweet girl in my arms.
I take in everything I’ve told her tonight and how she reacted. She genuinely does care, I can feel the emotion radiating off her soaking into my skin. It’s relieving to let her in, allowing my walls to come down around her so she can see the real me. The real reason I act the way I do. Seeing exactly what shaped me into Ace Lennox.
Squeezing Zamira’s hip, I lean in to kiss her temple before she rests her head back down on my chest. “Get some rest, temptress.”
You’re going to need it for what we have planned.
The sunlight streams through the window, threatening to burn my eyes if I open them. My body instinctively stretches, a smile splitting my face from the happiness buzzing through my veins. I finally feel like myself, like I finally belong.
Rolling onto my side, I extend my hand to search for Ace’s warm muscular body, but it finds cold silk sheets instead. My eyes flutter open, seeing his side of the bed empty, instantly filling me with sadness. Who would’ve thought that I’d be missing the big demanding asshole? Definitely not me, but he has another side to him.
