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As for my hair, that was a hot mess when I finally left the hospital. Since it was still in the ponytail when Harvey chopped it off, it was cut jagged and uneven. Lya brought in her hairstylist to come fix it, so now I’m rocking a shoulder-length bob. It’s definitely different, but it’s immaterial, compared to everything else I could’ve lost.
My mental state, on the other hand, is still a bit unsteady. I’m putting on the best face I can for everyone but I’m still shaken up from everything that happened. Most nights I wake up from nightmares in a cold sweat, reliving what happened in that basement. Harvey’s touch still lingers on my body, making me want to peel my skin off every time I think about it. Luckily, Greyson has been here every night to comfort me when I wake up screaming, and I’m grateful for that. The way my body fits into his when he wraps his arms around me brings me peace.
No one has pressed me too hard to talk about it, because they know I will when I’m ready, but I can tell they are worried about me. Some nights, I worry about myself too. The suffocating feeling that consumes me when I think of everything that happened makes me wonder if I’ll be stuck repeating it in my head for the rest of my life. That day was almost enough to break me for good.
The trauma of thinking I’d lost every single person I loved in one moment really messed up too. It hurts to even think about never seeing my sister’s sassy scowl, or Rian’s narrowed and suspicious eyes, or hearing Thiago’s infectious laugh, or Zep scoff at everything.
Then there’s Greyson. My troubled, tormented man. The idea of never seeing those captivating blues or that radiant smile, or missing that exhilarated feeling I get when I’m tangled in bed with him, cuts me so deep inside.
I thought I had nothing else to live for when that warehouse blew up. It might be dramatic but I don’t know how I would’ve carried on living without them, even if I had managed to get away from Harvey. Realistically, I have no education, no job, and no one else.
That thought makes me think about my mom. She needs my help. Almost losing everyone, combined with Greyson finding his own mom, has made me realize that life is short and I need to have her in my life. When I’m able to, I’ll do whatever I can to save her. She’s in a bad place and has no one else, so once this all blows over, she’s my first priority.
A small tear escapes my eye as I hear a faint knock on the door. “Come in, it’s open,” I call softly to whoever’s behind the door.
“How are you feeling?” Lya asks, as she comes deeper into the room. We might be twins, but right now she looks different. It’s like she’s glowing, looking so ethereal and happy. You’d never know that just three days ago she was being a total badass and taking men down with her fists.
“I’m feeling better today. Still sore and swollen, but my head isn’t pounding anymore so that’s good.” I give her a timid smile, patting the bed for her to sit down with me.
“Please don’t ever scare me like that again.” She says exactly what I’m thinking.
“I was just thinking the same. I thought I’d lost you forever.” The waterworks are back again. I swear everything over these last few days has turned me into a blubbering mess.
“Well, good thing you don’t have to worry about that. I know things have been kind of rocky and tense since we first took you from Sutton’s, but please know, everything I’ve done or said over the last eight months has been for a reason.” She grabs my good hand and gives it a squeeze. “I know I’ve been overbearing, but since the day I got you back, I’ve been terrified of losing you again. It was never my intention to treat you like a child with no freedom, I just... I was afraid you were going to leave me before I really got the chance to have you back.” Tears threaten to escape her eyes, as more roll down my face.
“I know why you acted the way you did; I would probably have done the same if it were you. I’ll never leave you again. We’re in this together, Lee. You and me, always. No one and nothing can ever come between that.” I wrap my hands around her body and pull her in for a tight hug, forgetting about the fact that I’ve got broken ribs. The moment I squeeze her, I wince from the pain, but it’s worth it.
She squeals. “Lainey, you need to be careful.”
“What did you just say about being overbearing?” I tease as I release her.
“Alright, alright. I’ll stop acting like a mom. It just kind of happens sometimes.” She gives a shrug. “But speaking of me acting like a mom... I have something to tell you.” A beaming smile spreads across her entire face.
“Okay...?” I feel like I know what she’s going to say, but I don’t want to be reading this wrong and get excited too quickly.
“I’m pregnant! You’re going to be an aunt!” She placed her hand on her still flat stomach. Her smile right now is infectious. She looks so happy right now; I wish I could see her like this forever.
“What?! How long have you known?!” I’m screeching loudly at this point but I’m way too excited to care. I’m going to be an aunt. The coolest aunt to that little nugget.
“I found out the morning of the takedown. I had a feeling I was, but I couldn’t be sure.”
“You’ve known for the last week and you didn’t tell me?!” I know there’s been a lot going on, but that would’ve been the best news to hear over these last few days.
“I mean, it’s not like we’ve been dealing with a million other things all at once.” She playfully pushes on my shoulder. “I’m honestly surprised Greyson didn’t spill the beans.”
“Oh. My. God. He knew before me?” I can’t believe he didn’t say anything. “Hold up, you knew that morning and you still went? Are you crazy? You could’ve gotten hurt, the baby could’ve gotten hurt.” Now it’s me who is scolding her for her reckless behavior.
“Well, when he jumped in front of the bullet for me, it kind of just slipped out that he’d saved not only me, but us. And yes, I made the decision to still go. I had to be there to make sure everyone was safe. To make sureyouwere safe. I know it was reckless and completely irrational, but in the moment I had one train of thought—getting you back safely from that motherfucker.” I can hear the gratitude in her voice toward Greyson, as well as her anger toward Harvey.
“I guess I can’t blame him for keeping it from me—he probably thought you’d want to tell me first. Still kinda mad at you for going in the first place though. So tell me... Are you excited? Are the guys excited? I need to know everything!”
“I’m excited, and terrified. I don’t know how to be a mom; it’s not like we had the greatest role model. What if I’m terrible at it, you know?”
The fact that she has panic filling her eyes lets me know that this is exactly why shewon’tbe a bad mom. She already cares so much about that little nugget—my fabulous new nickname for my niece or nephew.
“You’re going to be a great mother. It’s supposed to be terrifying.”
“Let’s hope so. I think the guys are excited. Thiago is trying to play it off that he’s not freaking out but I can tell he definitely is. Rian is scared shitless, and I’m pretty sure Zep has already looked up how early you can train a child to be a weapons master. I mean, with this many of us, we can’t fuck up that bad... right?” She’s so nervous, it’s adorable. Lya’s the confident, always self-assured one, so seeing her like this is heartwarming.
