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Swiping an unopened bottle of Macallan out of the cabinet, I take a couple drinks, enjoying the burn, before I head upstairs to change. Opening my dresser drawer, a glimpse of something shiny stops me in my tracks.
My gun.
I haven’t touched it since that day.
My hand involuntarily wraps around the handle, remembering how it felt just a few weeks ago when I almost used it to end my life.
Just do it,Greyson, I think to myself, as I lift the gun to my head and caress the trigger with my finger. I’m never going to find her and even if I do, she won’t want me. I’m a fucking monster. She deserves better, someone who would never hurt her.
Just pull the trigger, damn it!
I’m pacing back and forth across my bedroom. My eyes are closed and I put a little more pressure on the trigger, digging the gun deeper into my skull. Something compels me to open my eyes. When I do, my gaze locks on the end table. The gun suddenly feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. My hand opens, dropping it to the floor, the sound of the metal bouncing off the hardwood reverberating through my brain. It’s like my feet have a mind of their own, taking me to the little wooden table by my bed.
Lainey’s pink ribbon.
The one she was wearing the day my fucking father had her stolen off the street. I took it from his things a few weeks after she arrived. He liked to take everything from the girls so he could strip them of all they knew.
I’ve held this little piece of cloth thousands of times, but right now it feels different. It’s like I can feel her here with me. Like this pink ribbon of hers is wrapping itself around my heart and squeezing so tight it hurts. I feel her telling me to put the gun down and keep living.
Oh, Lainey. My angel. Always saving me, even when she’s not here.
If I pull that trigger, there won’t be anyone out there looking for her. I can’t do that to her. I promised her I’d save her, and I will—it’s just taking me so much longer than I’d hoped.
She saved my life nine years ago, her little ribbon saved my life today, and I’ll save her from the hell she’s living in.
My body shudders at the memory. Lainey is the reason I’m still alive today. She saved me without even knowing it, so I have to keep fighting for her. I toss the gun back like it’s burning me, and slam the drawer shut. I don’t need it now, unless it’s to kill someone getting in my way. My father drilled into me that if people get in your way, you take them out.
After I change into a t-shirt and boxers—my usual outfit at home—I head downstairs to sit in my recliner, in front of the brick fireplace. This chair has become my comfort place over the past six months. I take another drink of whiskey, letting the sharp burn consume me. At some point, I’m going to have to give up using alcohol as a crutch, but after the rejection today, I need it to take the edge off.
I need to figure out how to get her to trust me. I could take her against her will and make her be mine, but that just doesn’t seem right with this angel. If I drugged and kidnapped her like I did Lya, she’d probably never forgive me. That would only push her away more. It’s best if I slowly wiggle my way into her heart and get her to love me again. I need to show her that I won’t hurt her.
Of course I wouldn’t hurt her—I wasn’t even going to hurt Lya.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I’m not sure if Lainey knows what I did with Lya, and if she does know, will she be able to see past that? What if that’s why she was so reluctant today?
I’ll keep going to the library. Maybe I’ll slowly talk to her, let her get to know me better, then ask her out. This doesn’t really sound like me, since I literally kidnapped her twin sister six months ago, but in hindsight I can see how terribly that went. I want to do this differently.
I’ll get Lainey to love me; I need her to. It may take some time, but she’ll love me for who I am, without me having to force her.
I can’t wait to have my delicate but strong angel in my arms again.
I close my eyes, leaning my head back on the chair. My brain is swirling with thoughts of her. She looked stunning today, even when she was begging me to leave. I don’t know exactly how I’ll get her to forgive me, but I’m officially making it my life’s mission to do so.
Lying here with my thoughts, I slowly drift off into whiskey-soaked oblivion.
* * *
The wayLainey rejected me tore my heart out of my chest. I’ve pictured the moment we saw each other again millions of times over the years, and it definitely didn’t look like that.
I can’t stay away though. I’m forever addicted to her. I’ve been sitting at this back table all day, just watching her. She knows I’m here—I can tell by the way she purposely takes the long way around the shelves.
I can’t stand it any longer, making my way over to the aisle where she’s shelving books. “Angel,” I whisper in her ear, before taking in a whiff of her delicious-smelling hair. I never thought I’d love the smell of peaches so much, but I do because of her.
She slides the book on the shelf, stilling in front of me. “Grey...” Her voice comes out in the sexiest pant I’ve ever heard. Just the sound of my name on her lips is enough to make me hard. “I’m glad you’re here.”
I box her in with my arms against the bookshelf. “Me too. You look so sexy in that red dress, angel,” I tell her in a low voice, as I lightly trail my lips over the side of her neck. Her breathing picks up and it’s one of the sexiest fucking sounds.
